I'm not on BC pills and I have the same problem with my SD9. I seem to be losing all patience with her because I call her on things that she tries to get away with.. like 'forgetting' her homework in her desk (because she didn't want to do it) but then remembering to bring home a book order and asking to buy something. In fact, I am going to post a new thread about the recent problems we are having for her, but I don't know if my lack of patience has anything to do with hormones or not. I am usually a VERY patient person and like you, SD and I have gotten along great but over the last year, she's been through a lot and has pushed me to arms length and it has been difficult to have a good relationship with her. Her mother is very supportive of her disliking me and critical of anything I do which adds to the problem.

My opinion on stopping BC pills is make sure you don't end up with an unplanned pregnancy. lol

I doubt quitting your BC pills will do much to change the situation, except if you get pregnant then you WILL be even more sensitive than you are now and then with a new baby your temper will continue to be tested to the limit.
I'd suggest joint couselling for the pair of you to explain your issues to a neutral party. I remember when my DD (who is also smart) was small it seemed we were always yelling at her for some infraction or another. Counselling helped us to see that because she was smart and could behave ahead of her age cohort, we were expecting that sort of behaviour all the time- like expecting an athlete to perform a "personal best" every time. Once we lightened up things inmproved dramatically.
You could also suggest to SS that if he wants to behave like a 3 year old, he'll be treated like a 3 y o and not like the big boy he is. Encourage him to be proud of being the older brother and the responsible one! I find children usually live up (or down) to one's expectations!

could he be jealous of the siblings that he seems to love so much? Since they are both younger, they may need more of your attention than he does and he's to young to understand why.

It has been my experience, after raising 2 SDs and 2 biokids through this age group, that it is pretty common for this age group to digress to younger behavior when they are around a younger child. They can see that less is expected of the younger child and much attention is given to them. I think for your SS it may be two things. First of all he would like to remain a younger child. That equals more attention, less responsibility and I'm sure more reasons than I am listing. Secondly, growing up is scary. He hasn't been an 8 or 9 year old before and he's not quite sure if he can handle it. Our school sent home a list of things that a 9 year should be doing on their own last year and my husband was shocked. My SD has always been babied and DH hasn't wanted to give that up easily. My opinion is that we need to be in step with what is expected from them in school. Sometimes we tend to not want our kids to grow up but they are going to regardless so who should be the main teacher, the parents or school?

As a SM your SS is probably pushing you as far as you will let him. He may very well try that if you were is Biomom and not having her support makes things much worse. It would be best for him if he knew exactly what your rules were and you and DH stand firm to enforce them at your home. I would let him know..."These are our rules. When you are here you know what we expect." Praise him for being so smart and fit that into any conversation about his behavior at your house that you can. My SD is a smart one too and I expect her to act like it.

I wouldn't jump to making the med. change just yet. You know how much that messes with your system and how long it can take to get things back on track. Besides, with him heading into the tween and teen years you guys need to get him straight on a few things if possible.

You've got to feel for these kids who have two homes and two sets of rules. It isn't easy for them but it really is best if they know that since you love them so much you have to set rules for them.....best of luck.

I'm with the previous posters...
Focus on his "big boy" behaviors and how grown-up he is, giving your best attention to his smartness and maturity.

An 8yo is old enough to understand the difference "good attention" and "bad attention" if it is simply explained to them. We've been working on that with my FDH's 9yo son and it has been very effective to ask "Do you think you are looking for good or bad attention?"

I'd suggest a hot bath and a good book over going off the pill...

I seconf Ceph's suggestion. Perhaps you could look into other forms of birth control with lesser/different hormones if you think that could be part of the issue?

You say your Dh 'wants this to change', but what is this? Your behavior, or his sons? Is he supporting you or brushing your concerns off? If you two are not on the same page as to the expectations of this boy I think THAT is a much bigger problem than your b.c.!

I wouldn't jump into going off the pill, that's for sure!

Agreeing with others here,I think the behavior is normal for the age. Perhaps some family counseling so you are gettinng support and help from DH in dealing with this stuff.

~Cat

no no no no no.

Why would you even think of going off the pill, that lifesaver, in order to get along with a misbehaving 8-year-old???

As everyone has said, an 8-year-old running an adult nuts is not a new phenomenon, & the adult's bc pills don't even come into the equation.

Plus, birth control pills tend to "level out" hormonal fluctuations, not make them worse.

Focus on what's actually going wrong, not on what you can do to make yourself tolerate it better.

I wish you the best.