I'm behind on my record keeping (ouch). I have an Excel spreadsheet which badly needs updating, with roses sorted by class then by name, with the nurseries or individuals I got them from, and some other information. The Excel spreadsheet doesn't give enough room for adequate comments, and I've been thinking about a parallel text document with rose varieties listed in the same order as in the spreadsheet, but with unlimited room for text. But I haven't started it. I also have written and drawn maps of sections of the garden and of the propagation beds where I start cuttings, very important in case labels get lost, which they do all the time. I accept that labels will not be my primary source of identification of plants in the ground, and that their labels will need to be replaced periodically. About pots, by an evil magic they lose labels constantly no matter what I do. Recently I've taken to punching holes at the rims of plastic pots, threading ties through them, and attaching labels to the ties: I defy these labels to disappear! Labeling the pots is the only way I know to keep order in the pot ghetto, which contains probably a couple of hundred plants of every description. Currently we probably have 500-600 roses in the garden and 300-odd varieties, spread out over a couple of acres. Keeping track of them is difficult but important. I've learned I can't trust my memory--and I have an excellent memory--and that I need multiple forms of documention, so that if one source fails I have another. Also that I need to keep better order in paperwork like invoices: saving them isn't enough, they need to be accessible and in order, but hitherto I haven't succeeded in this. I have other plants I would like to keep better records of, including lilacs, peonies, and violets, none of which I have satisfactorily documented. Melissa

Thanks for your advice. I should be so lucky as to have a Husband who would listen to common sense crap. We did the couples counseling thing a few years ago, at his suggestion, because of the SD situation. When the counselor (whom he chose) began to point out how SD actions were detrimental, he got upset and left out, refusing to go back. The counselor informed me that this would be the situation I would have to deal with, probably forever, as their relationship was longer lasting and the way they both seemed to want to live. I cut loose a bit of my hopes for the future then, but didn't want to leave the marriage, because then she is the winner and he and I are both alone again. So I decided to back away from the emotional investment I had in my marriage, and just enjoy the good and try to ignore the bad. Even now, I feel sorry for him that he wants a certain type of relationship between the SD and I that will most likely never be. DH even tries to lay religon on me, that if I am a true "Christian" I should love and forgive and try to build a relationship. This from an agnostic who rarely sets foot in anybody's Church! I then explain how Christ said after you explain the situation to a person, 'shake the dust off your feet" and move on. So, I have chosen to be looked at as the mean one who will not have another conversation with this particular SD until after I have informed her again, and her father, that calling him foul names in front of me is unacceptable. I want him to tell me to my face that it is okay for her to say these kinds of things. Right now, I think keeping a respectful distance is best for all involved. My in laws, who I thought wanted the best for us, have suggested I leave him , "since he will not change". Only one sibling has ever told him his actions with his daughter is a problem. That has strained their relationship until this day, and the others are content to smile in his face and gossip behind his back. I stopped complaining to any of them after that, because I did not want advice from people who think I should give up, especially when none of them are leaving their imperfect marriages. Maybe I am wrong, but I think they also want him freer to be as generous/gullible as he has in the past (right now they want him to take an overpriced condo off of their hands).

Sunnygarden, I too am so sorry that you are treated that way. How is it that your spouse permits that type of treatment in YOUR home? I have told both of my children from the begining that while my job is to raise them and it is one that I do happily and willingly, they will not be the "be all end all" of everything. I expect respect for both parties (I demand my children respect, as I explained it to them, anyone that is taller than them!) and appreciation. The appreciation is hard, as my husband has allowed me to stay home and take care of my daughter, but yet he doesn't put any time into it. They see clothing that was bought for them, or an extra activity as "mom bought it". He does get annoyed with it, but I do my best to explain it to them without it sounding like the salad episode of Sienfeld inwhich George has to explain to someone that he "really bought the salad, she just handed it to you. you thanked her, but not me. I'm waiting". Oh, and since your stepdaughter had the fit about having to "say hi first" - ettiquette lesson for her. According to Emily Post, whomever is entering the room is required to say hello first. This is true, unless, the person entering the room is an adult and the person in the room is their junior. At that point, it is always the responsibility of the younger party to extend greetings first - a sign of respect. BUT, on that same token, my birth son forgets my birthday every year. Whether it is some passive jab at me I will never know. He can spout off everyone elses DOB, but not have a clue about mine. The one thing I do, that I know my father never did for my stepmothers and seems to be a real issue in this forum is support my husband in any role he takes with the kids. They don't always like it, but I know my stepmothers hated that about my father. Thank you for sharing some of your pain, though I am sorry it goes on in your life. Brass tacks, First off, thank you for your reply. I guess my point is and was #1) An adult does not use childish forms to "get even" with a child (ie. "I won't talk to you!) and #2) If this has gone on more than once, and he has failed to address it with either myself or her, then I don't feel it necessarily warranted the heightened amount of pain and anger. When a situation arrises, I feel you must address it and move on. This is the funny thing. My daughter is 7, she is lucky if she sees her father three times a year. She hasn't seen him since June. She recently stayed with my former inlaws and went on and on about "her dad" to the neighbors. When the neighbors mentioned how impressed they were that their son had finally gotten his act together, they had to admit it wasn't their son, but her "step dad". She also told them she wished I had left her father sooner, that way my current husband could have been her "real" father. So, that being said, among the many acts of affection I witness daily from HER to HIM, I still don't understand how his immediate reaction wasn't about being rude, it was about her feeling she didn't want him around. I punished her for being rude, I believe in good manners and enforce them. As far as indulging her from guilt, it really isn't my thing. Having been raised without my own mother in my life at all, I think that had my father demonstrated some form of pity on me, I may have taken advantage of it. He didn't. So, keeping that in mind, I don't. Lastly, my daughter is not abused in this house. I may raise my voice, but let's be realistic - it is the words that come out, the presence of intimidation, that are verbally abusive. I believe you must point out the crime and hand out a punishment that is worthy of the act committed. In this instance, I did raise my voice at her, send her to her room, and not allow her to participate in her after school activity. Possibly a little more than necessary, but I believe she got my point. I think this was something that on most days could have been a non-issue, addressed, and noted for future reference. For some reason, it wasn't. I will not tolerate my children treating my husband as a second class citizen, nor will I allow an adult to act as a child and offer up the silent treatment to a 7 year old. Makes me feel I have just another child on my hands. It took four days, but things are starting to get better now. Thanks again.

This reviewed published scientific paper confirmed the usefulness of heavy plastic mulches against Bermuda Grass, and found some organic mulches that were also effective. http://hortsci.ashspublications.org/content/43/3/795.full From the abstract: "Therefore, a 2-year study was conducted under 15-year-old mandarin trees to compare the effects of rice straw mulch, cattail mulch, black plastic mulch, hand hoeing, cultivation, glyphosate, and unweeded control treatments on weed control, fruit yield, and fruit quality. The greatest control (94%–100%) of weeds occurred with the plastic mulch (200 or 150 μm) and three mulch layers of rice straw or cattail. Covering soil with cattail or rice straw mulch (two layers) gave 85% to 98% control of weeds. Uncontrolled weeds in the weedy control caused significant reduction in yield and fruit quality and decreased the yield/tree by 62% compared with hand hoe treatment. Plastic mulches of 200 and 150 μm, cattail (Cyprus articulatus L.) mulch (two or three layers) and two mulch layers of rice (Oryza sativa L.) straw treatments significantly increased the fruit yield/tree by 24%, 18%, 20%, 11%, and 12% more than cultivation treatment, respectively, without significant differences among these superior treatments. Soil mulching with three layers of rice straw, cultivation, glyphosate, and 80-μm plastic mulch treatments caused a significant reduction in weed density and weed biomass, but gave lower yield than superior treatments. Which weeds were in the experiment? " The major grass weeds present on the experimental site were bermudagrass [Cynodon dactylon (L.) Pers.], barnyardgrass [Echinochloa colonum (L.) Link], torpedo grass (Panicum repens L.), and sandbur (Cenchrus pennisetiformis, Hochst. & Steud.) as a grass, and redroot pigweed (Amaranthus retroflexus L.), common purslane (Portulaca oleracea L.), and petty spurge (Euphorbia peplus L.) as broadleaf weeds."