I would say NO maybe the target .... .... bullies pick on one target most of the time they don't socialize very well... so they themselves have little or no friends .... they wouldn't say they were sticking up for a friend ... the target is the one being mean to them the target is the one doing all the stuff... EX.... she kicked me ... he started it....they were talking about my mom.....they only do because they think benefits them. Makes them more noticiable ... popular but in a bad way. What you may be dealing with is a "clique" ... same but different ... kind of like the mean girls movie but a junior version.... the "popular" girl and her friends ... and your SD the "new kid in town" (outcasts) and her friends... "cliques" are usually social status the rich vs. poor(not the extremely poor just the not rich kids)... if that makes sense ... The Target... is usually shy, others would see them as strange or different from all the other kids. Has friends who are the same ... and probably think they would be the next target. Kind of tough to figure out ... no one is going to tell the "truth" you have to watch and see what really goes on ... but how can you monitor them at school really tough. But since you pointed it out to the teacher they might keep more of an eye out. Found this for you : hope it helps 7 Common Roles Girls Play in Cliques 1. The Queen Bee: Through a combination of charisma, force, money, looks, will and manipulation, this girl reigns supreme over the other girls and weakens their friendships with others, thereby strengthening her own power and influence. 2. The Side Kick: She notices everything about the Queen Bee, because she wants to be her. She will do everything the Queen Bee says. The Queen Bee, as her best friend, makes her feel popular and included. 3. The Floater: She has friends in different groups and can move freely among them. She has influence over other girls but doesn't use it to make them feel bad. 4. The Torn Bystander: She's constantly conflicted about doing the right thing and her allegiance to the clique. As a result, she's the one most likely to be caught in the middle of a conflict between two girls or two groups of girls. 5. The Pleaser/Wannabe/Messenger: She will do anything to be in the good graces of the Queen Bee and the Sidekick. When two powerful girls, or two powerful groups of girls, are in a fight, she is the go-between. However, the other girls eventually turn on her as well. She'll enthusiastically back them up no matter what. She can't tell the difference between what she wants and what the group wants. 6. The Banker: Girls trust her when she pumps them for information because it doesn't seem like gossip; instead, she does it in an innocent, "I'm trying to be your friend" way. This is the girl who sneaks under adult radar all the time because she can appear so cute and harmless. 7. The Target: She's the victim, set up by the other girls to be humiliated, made fun of, excluded. She can be part of a clique or outside the clique. Either way, she feels isolated and alone. Here is a link that might be useful: bully test

Hi there, I still consider myself a new Stepmom also. I have been married almost 2yrs and we have had some good and bad times. But I have learned alot about kids, and how they think, manipulate, and whats important to them. Your SD very well may like you but feels she needs to protect her mom and be loyal. Her father is probably feeling guilt so he is siding with her. A while back mt Sk's told my DH that they did not think I liked them because I stayed in my room too much and that I worked on the Saturdays that we had them. The girls were crying and it made him take their side he came home pretty much mad at me like I had done something to them. I knew we had to take care of that problem right then. I explained to him that when I do go to my room its becasue they are screaming at the top of their lungs, wrestling around in my house and he did nothing to stop the behavior. I told him I have done nothing to them, I dont get onto them, I dont tell them whatto do, if I have something to say I say to him. Anyway he started seeing my point and they just wanted to get daddy mad at me. I later found a list of things they had wrote title "Things to do at Daddy's to make Jess mad". Once I showed it to him he was onto them as well. We had a family meeting and went over why they felt like I did not like them. None of their reasons were valid. So I asked (and this has been over a year ago) do you like me?, the oldest said "NO" so I said "okay, then why does it matter if I like you"? She had no answer. My point in posting all this is that stepkids are so torn between two housholds and their feelings get torn also. When my stepkids come in from DH picking them up for the weekend, they come strait to me and start chatting it up. They tell me about their week, ask if we have recored shows to watch, ect. We have great weekends, we just got them a horse so they are thrilled. The minute their mom comes around like at ballgames, they will not speak to us. The have told her they hate it at our house, they dont like us but their actions when they are with us prove them wrong. My SS11 had a baseball tourney this weekend, as we were walking out of the park him and DH were a little ahead of me, he stopped and waited for me to catch up to him so then my DH stopped. That is something so small but meant alot to me. If he did not care about me he would have kept walking, talking to his dad and not cared. He is such a good sweet boy. I dont think you should cut your losses just yet, there were many times I thought about leaving but am so glad I stayed. Its not easy. I would not try to make her talk to you at all. This may sound mean but ignore her. I did this when my SD would just try to be ugly when I talked to her, so she could get me mad and then I was the one being ugly to her. So I quit giving her the oppurtunity. Unless she directly asked me something by saying my name first and then asking I did not respond. I would catch her starring at me probably wondering why I was not talking to her. About a month later she was back to her old self. Hang in there, talk to your DH to help him understand that its okay if she does not like you right now, and its okay for her to tell her mom she does not like you. If her actions are telling a different story than her mouth is listen to the actions. Good luck, its not easy!

She doesn't have to love you, but I would ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY insist that she be civil to you. Tell him that his allowing her to do this crap is not showing you any respect ... abuse and insult by proxy. He's also not helping his daughter any by not having standards for her. He's letting her develop some self-destructive habits that will bite her in the butt in a year or two. One of my uncles married an older woman with 2 daughters. He was all of 22, and they were about 12 or 13 ... one of them sassed her mom and he corrected her. She said "you aren't our dad, you can't tell me what to do" so he picked her up, raised her to his 6'6" eye level, looked her straight in the eye and said "I am not your father, but your mother is now my WIFE, and I will not allow anyone to treat my WIFE with disrespect". Then he lowered her to the floor and walked out of the room.

Doesn't the OP get to decide what they mean? I mean, KKNY writes "why is it a common thread that SM's...." and when I read it, not sure if she means to use the word 'theme'. That's the word I might have chosen. See, we are all from different walks of life and use different words in our day to day life. Choosing the exact words on a forum is not always so easy, especially when some people type fast as they are thinking and don't spend a lot of time deciphering the words they use and how each person that reads it will interpret it. I think the person writing the post has the best idea of what they are trying to convey, even if they choose the wrong word to say it. I see plenty of misspelled words, transposed letters (from fast typing I'm sure) and the use of the wrong words or words with more than one meaning. and KKNY, "perhaps it is part of I was good enought to get the guy -- you are worthless?" Comments like this drip with insecurity... perhaps you can remember that you were good enough to get him first. Then, you were lucky to be rid of him when he turned out to be a toad. Now, he's HER problem, not yours. Was he a prince? Is a guy some sort of prize that you think is needed to be the 'winner'? A second wife gets to bask in the joy of her marriage, just as a first wife does. It doesn't mean that she's any better or worse because she is happy & loves her husband. It doesn't mean she's better because things didn't work out with the first marriage. If you really think looks are important to the survival of a relationship and that getting the guy is some sort of reward or prize that implies they are the winner, if you really believe that, I'd suggest you get some counseling. I really hope you don't honestly think that way.