i didnt see if they are potted or BB??? if you have a bed design in your mind... why not just plant them were you want them .... and leave the rest of the bed building for whenever ... if you plan on raising the bed.. then just plant the plant high .... i think that would be the easiest and safest solution ... please go to your members page.. and add a town and/or zone ... so i would have a clue where you are ... if potted.. you could simply sink the pots and all ... ONLY if your soil drains properly [dont do this in clay] ... otherwise.. you could place them on the north side of a building to keep black pots out of winter sun ... and then backfill around the pots with the mulch you will use on the bed later ... to keep them cozy for winter ... what you want to avoid.. is the black pot.. coming in and out of dormancy repeatedly over the winter.. in case you have a prolonged warm spell in the middle of winter.. you could also store them in a free standing structure.. but i wont go into that.. unless you are considering such ... the real key here is: get them dormant.. and KEEP THEM DORMANT .... again.. all subject to where you live.. [which i now see is toronto .. whats that all about.. lol] .. so all the above works ... ken

Wow. First time home owner here. I bought a really old house that I knew I would need to put a lot of work into which, for me, meant a lot of money because I am nowhere near a DIYer. First up was the kitchen. I had the kitchen measured, went to Lowes and bought a bunch of cabinets. Then I interviewed about twenty different handymen and contractors before I found one that I liked to install them. I had no idea how to work with a contractor but I did know how I wanted my kitchen to look. He allowed me to buy some things and he took care of the rest and I was pretty pleased with the final result. I asked him to quote installing the master bathroom and not only was his quote very high, his finishes were also not broken out and I suspected they were basic builder finishes. While looking for another contractor for the bathroom, I started accumulating things that I liked from Craigslist, eBay, thrift stores and online suppliers. By the time I found a contractor, I already had the majority of the materials I needed. I explained my vision for my bathroom and showed him all of my materials. He was absolutely fine working with what I had. For the remaining items, if I didn't have a preference, he would buy it but if there was something specific that I wanted, I would buy it for him to install. Anything that was the least bit questionable, he would look at it before I bought it. It is certainly taking longer due to scouting out materials but he understands that this is not a builder bathroom and has bought into the vision. Now that I've been through it, I wouldn't work any other way with a contractor. I stayed in touch with the first contractor and while we both agree that he would have had the bathroom done by now, we also agree that I wouldn't love it as much as I will when it's done because he wouldn't have allowed me the kind of flexibility that this contractor does. That was a very long winded way of saying that I agree with what was stated up-post in that if you can find a contractor that will allow you to purchase materials and you clearly establish who is responsible for what, it can work out quite nicely.

My dad's living will has some rather generic information about what he would want done. Then there's the important stuff. It specifies that my stepmom is to make any decisions for him if he is unable to do so. It then specifies that I am to make the decisions if she is unavailable/unable to do so. If both of us are unavailable, my oldest brother gets to decide. In reality, any decisions would be family decisions, but in case of any conflict or disagreement, there is a legal piece of paper that clearly spells out who he wants having final say. Just assuming your spouse will be able to make decisions for you isn't very reliable. Although it's probably not the most common problem, remember Terri Schiavo had a husband the whole conflict was that the rest of her family disagreed and even though courts ultimately upheld the husband's right to decide on her behalf I'm sure the whole situation was pretty horrible for all. I don't know that having a living will naming her husband (assuming that's who she would have named) would actually have mattered in her case, but it couldn't have hurt. The more likely situation though is an accident that involves both spouses so the spouse is unavailable or incapable of making decisions. If you have one adult child, one parent, one sibling, etc down the line of legal next of kin in the order you'd like people making decisions for you, maybe you're ok, but if you have multiple people with equal rights under the law (or one in there somewhere who you wouldn't trust to be able to make the choices you'd prefer), it would probably be a good idea to decide ahead of time who gets the final say, who comes next, etc, make it legal in a living will, and let the family members know about it. Not only will that make sure you get the people you want making your health care decisions, it could make things easier on your family in a difficult time to have those decisions made ahead of time. Of course you can't predict what you want done in any imaginable situation, but you can predict who might be available and reliable to make those decisions on your behalf. I have no idea what's in their actual will. I'll probably be hobbling around a nursing home in a walker anyway by the time i might inherit anything (my parents were babies when they got married and had me, and my stepmom's a decade younger even than them), so I can't see why i should care.

--"How is it up to her? Is your dad in agreement with you not being there? If you really want to go, how is she going to stop you? Can't you stay in a hotel and go visit him? It doesn't make sense to me. And how long have they been together?"-- Well, this is the quandary Im currently in, trying to figure out what I should do, and if, in fact, I SHOULD just go up there regardless. I have gathered, from my dad being the one to tell me not to come for X-mas, even after my offer to sleep *wherever*, that he simply does not want me there. Or, to be more precise, SHE does not want me there, HE is ambivalent and for whatever reason he was chosen to be the mouthpiece (most likely chosen by HER, to hurt ME even more... To be quite honest, I am NOT 100% sure where HER wishes regarding this X-mas non-visit leave off and where HIS begin. Sadly, I do not think that HE even knows. (All this confusion is why I only maintain Âhalf anger at HIM in all this.) There is the other matter of me ---IÂll just put it bluntly--- just plain not having the money, especially with the airfares as they currently stand, to book a X-mas flight there now. IÂm a struggling student, and admittedly something of a "late bloomer" success-wise... However, money is not an issue for them, as I guess youÂve deduced. Or it shouldnÂt be, however I suspect that all the home improvements and mortgage payments for her may have cut into that. He has always paid for my plane tickets to visit him, yes, even though I am now over 30 and IÂm sure IÂll hear something from someone about how I shouldnÂt "expect that". But before anyone jumps on me for that, let me say that I basically AGREE and in other, more "normal" circumstances (i.e. him NOT currently DYING) I would agree that now that I have reached a certain age and am about to finish my education (after working full-time to pay for it all myself over several years) and thus be on my way to a better financial position, that it should ordinarily be my place to start paying for my own tickets. But I simply do not have it now, after giving up close to $5,000 with everything I had to pay for and take care of to make my summer stay with him possible. For him and/or her to suddenly cry poor (which I still think is not the case) or to expect me to shell out cash I donÂt have AT THIS TIME when the clock on his life is ticking fast, is just unfathomable. Unfathomably cruel on her part b/c she is not sick or drugged and should have a clearer head and a kinder heart... and unfathomable, for his part, that he is now living in some bizarro world where he does not feel itÂs "worth it" to pay for what could be one of the last visits with his only child. But I know that money isnÂt the real reason, because that wasnÂt his excuse. What he actually said was: "With [new-sister-in-law] and [new-brother-in-law] coming, there isnÂt any room for you." I should add that new-sister-in-law has been living there in their house for a few months (since around the time of the wedding, which I found out about on my voice-mail, after the fact, btw) and brother-in-law has apparently already made several trips between my dadÂs house and his home several states away. (I have NO IDEA what they are doing, or why THEY can't stay in a hotel, or who is looking after their own house, pets, etc.) I canÂt even get a call through to my dad 80% of the time. "SM" has tried to tell me several times that if I want to talk to him, I should call HER phone, not his (making her official gatekeeper of the flow of communications to him)... something I admit I have stubbornly refused to do for the most part but which I WILL do and have done in emergency situations. When he talks to me and she or her sister is present (which, b/n the 2 of them, is almost all the time, in shifts) he is curt and winds up saying these hurtful things like "thereÂs no room for you". I think here-and-there he has moments alone when "SM" is at work and sis-in-law is napping or showering or something. When these times coordinate with when he is awake and feeling up to it, I have received here and there the occasional earnest, loving call from him. But I know itÂs behind their backs b/c he apparently does not feel safe otherwise. He called me at 8:00 in the morning (VERY early for him) the day before Thanksgiving to wish me a lovely day (referred to the holiday as "tomorrow" so I know he wasnÂt confused what day it was) and I know this was because they were all going to be there on the holiday itself and he was not going to be "free" to call me. Sure enough, when I tried calling him on Thanksgiving, there was no answer all day, even though he had said they would all just be around the house. So, the jist is (and has been for several years): he confides in me privately and/or drops Âhints that all is not rosy. (Mind you I found out about her lack of household contributions, her massive credit card debt and the pressures from her and her family THROUGH HIM and not from pumping him for information at all... although I admit I have started to do that with him b/c I desperately want to know what is going on. Since "SM" has alienated him from his whole family and most of HIS friends, there are very few people near him that I feel I can even call to ask, and even with these few people I somehow feel awkward about doing it, afraid of coming across like IÂm "stirring s**t up" or slandering anyone.) To answer the 2nd question, theyÂve been together almost 18 years. I know, sounds like a good long time and is not the typical "2nd wife breezes in from nowhere to marry the dying man for his money". But regardless, she resents me, and it became worse every year that there wasnÂt a ring on her finger (which she also blames me for, merely for existing, as someone my father is ---I'm sorry--- morally obliged to protect the interests of besides her) and in fact in our situation, I believe this whole thing has been made even more poisonous as a result of the slow unfolding of time. When I first met her, at 13, I was completely open and welcoming to her (as was my bio-mom and her family: never was a snide remark or inappropriate question asked by anybody). Things were more-or-less okay, at least b/n she and I, for the first few years (besides the frequent day-long battles she and Dad fought on my visits, which would ruin any plans we might have had to do anything, time and time again... or the systematic destruction of my body image that she inflicted by pointing out every flaw in my body and how I could "fix it". Only years later have I been able to see in hindsight how damaging her "girl talk" was, and only years later did I find out she was addicted to diet pills so bad she had to go into detox; meanwhile I was a teenage anorexic because of her)... Then time came for me to go to college, and we have all seen the conflicts that occur b/c SMÂs often (but not always!) think the DH "no longer owes you a cent, now that youÂre 18" and want you to disappear. So, over the years, SHE became very snide, cold and manipulative of my relationship with my father. It had nothing to do with my mother, the divorce, or me being anything other than a normal and comparatively warm and well-behaved girl/teen/young adult. I think each year that went by that my dad did not budge and insisted on legally protecting my interests despite her many histrionic manipulations, she became more and more convinced that I was an obstacle, that she hated my existence, and that somehow or another I needed to be systematically shut out if she was ever going to "get anything out of all this". And it looks like all her carefully-honed efforts (all with a big smile on top, of course) are finally paying off for her and all her wishes are coming true. --"There is some truth to KKNY's warning but not all situations are like that. My dad is my step mom's third husband and ten years after they married, she became ill. She's terminal and he's cared for her the last ten years. Her own kids don't visit or call to see how she is. I help take care of my step mom. Yet, her children feel entitled to get an inheritance when she finally dies. She's still alive and they've already been to court twice. They apparently can't wait for her to die."-- I TOTALLY agree that this in no way represents how ALL SPÂs are. In fact, I grew up living in the house with my mom and stepdad, who has been nothing but a prince to me, treating me as if I were his blood. (We had our fights, of course, along with the "youÂre not my dad!!!"s but because he has a decent heart and an ability to communicate and compromise, we dealt with all of that with love. He did not make my mother "choose" nor fail to recognize normal teenage adjustment issues for what they were.) Sadly, though, I think it makes a difference and adds infinitely more pressures and tensions when itÂs a child-from-previous-marriage and step-parent figure who is also dependent. It tends to set up a sense of competition, especially if one party exacerbates it by being as grossly insecure and Machiavellian as my dear "SM" is. Not saying that even that "2 dependents" set-up is doomed, but it just requires some extra considerations and maturity and love that unfortunately in my particular situation (and that of too many others) has been lacking. I think this board is potentially a very good place to not only vent and compare notes but to truly try and reach understandings about the roots of these problems and what can be done to prevent them, so that at least others can learn from ALL of our heartaches. Thanks for reading my super-wordy posts, everyone, and to those Step-parents truly loving and caring for your step-kids, I salute you! You do have a hard job but as I've seen with my own stepdad, with the right attitude and an open heart you will be appreciated one day more than you even know.