umm let's see... SS is 8 yrs old DD is 8 months old...

So, first of all an 8 year old should not be wearing pull ups of any kind. He is WAY to old for that. The only exception to this would be a child who is deveolpmentally or physically disabled in some way. (I am uncertain who is Bipolar son or BM) To me, that is the first sign of trouble.

2nd; an only child for 8 years, who obviously is having problems ie pull ups at 8, bipolar or bipolar mom whichever... is not used to a new baby nor has he really been prepped for a new baby. And any baby, in the eyes of someone who has never been around babies especially a child, cries a lot. So, I wouldnt necessarilly (sp) be worried about this... I would more say something like What do you think you did when you were a baby? I did the same thing when I was a baby we all did, it's a part of life... And, spraying perfume and other stuff getting into things is part and parcel of being a child. This is nothing out of the ordinary.

3rd: yes DH should be taking care of things especially when he is the only one home... it is not only lazy but unsanitary to leave dirty pull ups and sheets laying around all day

Yes, there is a difference b/w being a BM and a SM but it doesnt mean that the children should be treated any differently. And no, I wouldnt nec. be worried about daughters safety... at least according to what you wrote.

But, on the other hand, I feel like there is a GREAT DEAL of info. left out.

I can totally relate. I am with a wonderful man but his two sons are headaches. The oldest, who is also 8 wets the bed constantly. However he is overweight and can't fit pulls-ups. and he has this habit of sleeping on the floor so the pee has soaked through to the carpet. It drives me absolutely insane. The youngest is 5 and a total pain. He is misbehaved and frankly, he annoys the heck out of me. I think your husband needs to step up the discipline. Hopefully he is not like my fiance who stands by and lets the behavior continue. This issue has torn our relationship apart, we are constantly arguing about his childrens behavior. If your scared SS will hurt the baby I would keep an eye on him, trust your gut! Its normal for children to be jealous of a new baby, but a child who has issues should be taken a little more seriously. From my experience it is very difficult to feel the same way about stepkids as birthkids. Even before I knew how misbehaved his children were, I felt differently about them. I don't treat them different except that I discipline my children. But thats about all I can offer, not much because I am in a stressful situation too! There are times that I wish I could take my children and leave for a while too, but there wouldn't be anyone to watch his kids....which I dread doing!!

Lots of 8 year old boys still wet the bed, and we should all thank our lucky stars that they invented disposable underwear. There is absolutely NOTHING abnormal about wetting the bed, and I wouldn't be surprised if his father wet the bed at that age as well.

I disagree.I think 8 is a little old to be wetting the bed all the time. He should be taken to a doctor as it may be a sign of something more serious(bladder infection,over active bladder,bladder isnt big enough).This happened to my husband's brother and it ended up being that his "Pee hole" wasnt big enough so he had to have surgery.

I would follow your instincts about your daughter's safety as well.Even bio-children are jealous of new baby siblings,so the fact he isnt even related to her may make him more jealous.Or least dislike her more because he has no feelings of love for her like he would his own sister or brother.
Example of bio-sibling jealousy.My cousins 2 years apart.
Aunt brings home baby number two and he is sitting nicely in his carseat on top of the dryer while aunt is getting out clothes.
Two year old is in the room too.Mom leaves for a second and two year old,out of jealousy,pushes baby of off dryer.

Sure your stepson is older than 2 and should know better.But if he's biopolar,he may have trouble controling his impulses.
So just be careful.

In the vast majority of cases, primary enuresis (if he has been wetting the bed all along) is developmental, and he will grow out of it. Although it doesn't hurt to mention it to the doctor, you should not make a big deal of it to the child. The child is NOT wetting the bed to annoy you. My son and my husband were a bit older than that before they spontaneously stopped wetting the bed, and one daughter was only a few years younger. There is a strong genetic component to primary enuresis. It is only a big deal if you make it one.

I guess it sounds abnormal to me because I have never known a child who still peed the bed at 8 almost 9 years old?

The boy will probably stop wetting the bed by 10 or 12.

Whether a boy wetting the bed is normal or not, I really doubt he is doing it to annoy you. Most bedwetters are ashamed. The father's behaivor I find perplexing. I would take child to a dr, for nothing else, to make certain nothing medical. Then i would have him sleep in the bed, and put protective liner between sheet and bed.

The WebMD site provides information about whether you should take the child to a doctor because of the bedwetting:

http://children.webmd.com/Should-I-schedule-a-doctor-visit-to-discuss-my-childs-bed-wetting#aa6052-Intro

My son was not ashamed, nor very embarrassed. He knew from a very young age that his father had eventually outgrown bed wetting, and he would too.

If there is one thing I have learned from raising a large family, it is that children develop at different rates. It may seem at the time like they will never outgrow the bed wetting, or the need to fall asleep in your bed, or whatever else they are doing right now, but before you know it they will be grown and you won't even remember when they stopped doing whatever it was that used to bother you.