OH, that would really be hurtful, I understand your being upset. Hopefully your DH just sticks to his guns about the holidays and the arrangement is in writing/a document signed by a judge so he can just say "Sorry, we already have our holidays planned and won't be able to make any changes. We will pick up SS at such time."

My SS29's ex is like this with G-Son it is always "MY son." unless of course she wants SS29 to do her a favor, keep him a extra day or two then it's "Your son."

"She just informed us that she wants him on Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!! Holy hell stop the bus lady you can't have him for both holidays!"

"We have always taken turns with holidays she gets him on xmas we get him the next and same with turkey day! This year it is our turkey day with him and her xmas!"

It's understandable why you are ticked. I would be too, but as I read this, I feel very badly for SS. He sounds like the family car or some sort of object that people borrow. I mean nothing about it against you at all - just the fallout of divorce. It just sounds like it would suck to be a kid in this situation. Is there anyway you guys could set aside some differences and do one of the holidays together? Probably not, but my heart is bleeding for your SS.

"It's understandable why you are ticked. I would be too, but as I read this, I feel very badly for SS. He sounds like the family car or some sort of object that people borrow. I mean nothing about it against you at all - just the fallout of divorce. It just sounds like it would suck to be a kid in this situation. Is there anyway you guys could set aside some differences and do one of the holidays together? Probably not, but my heart is bleeding for your SS"

It would absolutely suck to be a kid in this situation for sure! Things are better than they used to be when he would go here for xmas eve and there for xmas day and then back here for this and there for that and so on. He was like a ping pong ball so we stopped doing that. Now he is one place or the other and has seperate celebrations a few days after whatever holiday it is. We are trying our best to make it seamless for him and shuffle him around as little as possible, but as a child of divorce, this is his life, and has been since he was a baby. It does suck for him sometimes I know that, but we all must play the hand we are dealt.

There is no way in God's green earth that there could ever be a joint holiday celebration. Neither side would enjoy that including him.

I know exactly how you feel! FSD's BM is the same way. For example she makes the travel arrangements for FSD since she pays for them. She always asks what we want and then she tweaks it a little so it inconveniences us. So she puts FSD on a plane at 4 AM and texts FDH "Take care of my baby". Oh PUUUUUUUUUULLEEAAAAASEEEEE! She has FSD convinced that she knows everything. FDH bought FSD some ProActive cleanser (nothing harsh). BM wouldn't let her have it saying "That stuff is for people with real acne". Fine. So the last time FSD came here, she had some expensive bottle of stuff that ready "Acne Solution". HMMMM....Oh and BM told FSD a long time ago that she had to use expensive hair products like Biosilk. FSD told me "My mom said Herbal Essences is bad for your hair." So guess what shampoo and conditioner FSD brings with her the last time she came? You guessed it! Herbal Essences. BM thinks she's the authority on FSD. Like no one else knows anything about girls.

Okay.....so I don't have an answer. But it sure is comforting (in a way) to know that I'm not the only one with a BM like this. If you figure out how to deal with this better, would you please let me know? Cuz patience doesn't work.

I don't see why it's such a big deal. My son spent holidays with his dad, we'd plan to celebrate the next weekend. I have made a Turkey feast on an alternate day (our entire family even celebrated Turkey Day a week early two years ago when my other son was having surgery to remove a tumor from his jaw, so it had nothing to do with custody/visitation issues) Why stress out over what day you celebrate on? As long as your stepson has a good time, that's all that should matter. If he feels (and most kids do) the tension and frustration from his dad or you that he is going to be at his mom's, he probably won't be able to enjoy himself. He's going to feel guilty because he's the reason for the uproar. He will feel responsible, no matter what anyone tells him.

and it makes me laugh about the 'my kid'. My parents, to this day, will claim us as 'my kid' or 'your kid' depending on the achievement or disappointment. Nobody gives it a second thought and it's not that big a deal. I mean, the day my brother graduated the police academy and was sworn in, my mom tells my dad "we did a GREAT job, didn't we?" (they were divorced at the time) and my dad didn't say a word. Later, he laughed about her comment because she had spent most of my brother's high school years in a drunken stupor. She really had nothing to do with his 'success' but dad just laughed it off. I guess he could have been angry she said that. But, like he says "what for?" When we do good, it's 'MY kid did that!' and when we screw up, it's 'look what YOUR kid did!'

It's great that as adults, my parents are able to get together for holidays and while I think it took a lot of maturity on my dad's side, my mom has also learned how to behave herself and get along.

It is mostly a big deal because we have done it this way for years and she never even consulted with dh about changing it and just informed him that she now wanted both holidays. It is also a big deal because he spends the majority of his time with her and we value our holiday with him which ever holiday it may be. Also, xmas morning is a big deal and a very special time (at least to us). I doubt she would be very happy if we informed her that we wanted her and ss's xmas and our turkey day with him also.

Why do most Bio moms think they have more power than bio dad... I have 2 daughters with my ex and I always inform him of everything that goes on with OUR daughters.. I get his input on things that concern OUR daughters, Life is to short to fight all the time. I was married for 21 years and my ex cheated on me and has drinking issues BUT he is still the father to OUR daughters... When people stop thinking about themselves and figure out its about the kids not us... GROW UP PARENTS THESE KIDS ARE OUR FUTURE>>>> My new hubby's ex always tells him I LET YOU SEE YOUR SON>>>>> Till he filed papers in court and got 50/50 now they both have him equally, oh but wait she still isnt happy (go figure) I better stop now before I am here all night..