Welcome debunny! You've already gotten some very good advice on breakfast in particular so I was going to address the situation in general. It seems to be a recurring theme here where Dad has/gets custody, but SM is the one who spends the most time with the kids, trying to maintain consistency and keep to the agreed schedule and rules, only to have her DH pop in and start making "exceptions" and un-do all of the progress SM has made. As for SS's trying to get a rise out of you, I wonder about that. My SS is only eight and has lately started arguing with me about everything, and I mean everything - if I mention a news story I read he'll try to argue with some part of it! But, he mainly does this with me, not with DH - and he only does this after weekends at BM's. I'm wondering if he's testing me. He's already said if he pushes at BM she either gives in or screams at him and spanks him. I don't know if SS is trying to see if he can make me reach my breaking point, or if he's checking to make sure that I don't push him away too. I can't imagine how a 14 year old must feel when their mother announces that she doesn't want to deal with him anymore and wants him gone. I'd have to think that he has some issues right now with maternal figures - and unfortunately it is now you who is right in that spotlight. To make matters worse, it sounds like your DH just wants to stick his head in the sand and dump most of this onto your shoulders - so of course now you look like the "bad guy" on top of being a woman - and thus likely to kick him out with almost no notice yourself. I don't have a magical solution (yet!) because we're struggling through some of our own things right now. Some of the things that have helped us are to have very clear, very well-defined, agreed upon expectations, with set penalties for violation thereof. I try to make sure that the "rules" do not involve any judgment calls - because that's when DH is most likely to want to make an excuse or an exception. So, instead of saying, for example, "room must be tidied" it would be "floor must have nothing on it but furniture, all clothes must be either in dresser if clean or hamper if dirty, bed must be made, all toys must be in toy box". SS knows exactly what to expect, and I have that clear guideline as well, so there's less of DH wandering in from work to find a room two-thirds of the way tidied and saying "Oh, I think it's pretty good - what's the problem?". Meanwhile I'm ready to pull my hair out because I've spent the past four hours with SS coming to me every five minutes saying "It's done!", when I check, the only thing he'll have done is maybe make the bed - and SS will put away one more toy and then find me again - "It's done!" Over, and over, and over. Maybe you should all sit down and come to an agreement - here is a list of foods SS can eat for breakfast. He can eat as much of them as he likes. He is not to have breakfast at school. (You may have to negotiate in "exceptions clause" because guaranteed otherwise DH will say "Oh, it was only one time! Let him go!"). Here is what will happen if SS eats breakfast at school - the cost comes from his allowance, he is required to do household chores, whatever. Done, post them, proceed. Now, it's not incumbent upon you to convince SS he needs more milk, apples are good for him, he didn't eat "enough" breakfast, or anything else. Did he eat food from "the list" or not? Did he eat breakfast at school? Yes or no, true or false? See what I mean? It's no longer your judgment that's in question - it's a clear infraction of rules and boundaries agreed upon by all of you. And the complaining about meals needs to be stopped now. I'm usually the one who cooks dinner as well, and I told DH in no uncertain terms that I was going to stop cooking entirely if I had to ever hear "Ewwwww! Yuck!" at the dinner table - it's just very bad manners. You don't have to like my cooking, you certainly don't have to praise it - but since I went to the effort to put a nice homecooked dinner on the table you'd better not disparage it while I 'm sitting right there!

Personally, I think it was a mistake for your husband to call his ex. We've dealt with this for two years now, SD goes to her mom's and tells mom 'stuff' and mom calls dad up, yelling & ranting at him.. not 'discussing' as reasonable parents should. From your post, it sounds as if he didn't call when he was calm & reasonable, he was upset. She responded with anger or defensiveness, which is not going to resolve any conflict or resolve the problem he hopefully wants to resolve. (and my SD has also been sitting next to her mom when mom calls dad to yell at him and she'll be crying and begging mom to stop... then I'm sure she feels this is all her fault. Not a good position for a kid to be in.) Kids will play up the parts of a story they know mom or dad will react to and the truth is, there isn't much you can do about what mom did. Unless there is a bruise of other evidence of abuse, involving CPS on a one time incident is going to subject the child to further trauma... if it's an ongoing problem, then maybe intervention would be appropriate but it sounds to me like mom was stressed out and reaching out to dad for help by calling him. When she called to say she was going to hit him, what did dad say to her? Did he offer to take the child since she was obviously stressed out? I think one resolution would be to give mom help with reducing stress, which may be more time at dad's and maybe the parenting classes or counseling to help her deal with problems. I don't think it would help to call CPS or file to take her child away from her if she is otherwise a reasonable parent that just had a bad day. Last year, I was put in the position of being accused of hitting my SD. She wanted her mom's attention so she told her mom that I hit her all the time. Her mom called CPS on us claiming my 18 year old daughter grabbed SD by the arm, dislocating her arm. All of it was untrue, nobody has ever hit or grabbed SD in our home and CPS closed the case because it was an obvious lie, but the point is that it put my SD through additional turmoil of us having to take her to the doctor to be examined and she was pulled out of class at school to be interviewed... and all the time, she knew this was because she told her mom that I had hit her.. which was made worse for her because she knew it was a lie. I don't think she realized what a big deal it would become. and it's no picnic to be falsely accused of abusing a child!

How sad and ugly that something which should be such a bonding experience (child taking over the torch for parent's business), especially at this time with Dad having cancer, should turn into basically a hostile takeover... It may be too late (depending on the personalities involved & communication skills), but I'm wondering if Dad can have a one-on-one heart-to-heart with his son, simply asking him what has happened (in son's perception) to create such a competitive and exploitative relationship between the two of them. If Dad can convey that it is safe for son to share his real thoughts and feelings without Dad's judgement, invalidation or rejection, it just might get to the core of the matter, be a real learning/healing experience for both of them and begin a process of a better relationship. Then again, it might not. Son may simply have hardened into a selfish person who just wants to browbeat Dad and doesn't want to compromise. Or Dad may be too defensive or otherwise have some blockage to hearing what son may have to say and reject him. Maybe it's nobody's fault but the situation is just one that isn't easily fixed (often the case in post-divorce/blended family circumstances). In any event, now that Dad is up to working again, tools that are his property should be given back, period. Before I'd call the cops, though, if I were Dad I'd at least tell son with civility: "Look, I'm back in business and I need my tools. When will you have them to me?" and if son indicates he's not planning on returning them, Dad can THEN say: "How would you like to work this out, then, with me getting my tools back? Would you rather buy me brand new tools with the big profits you've made? Or would you rather spend the money on court costs if I have to sue my own son for them? Maybe I can take the cost of them out of your inheritance, if I still feel like leaving you one. Your choice, I'm trying to be fair and give you options but you're not going to be able to just take my tools from me."

I agree with the above. Your bf is letting a 6 year old run the show. If your bf doesnt' change, ie the fighting with you in front of the kids which shouldnt' be doen in the first place, then leave. But you make sure to sit both your bf down and son and tell them together your decision and why. Oh yah, personally, i know its important for your bf to see his newborn but under the circumstances, i wouldnt trust his son with the way you are describing it. The problem here is the father not being a father. Your stepson, is feeling threatened by your pregnancy. His father should have sat him down and spoke to him about it. You guys should have told him you were pregnant before you showed. He felt betrayed for not being in the circle. Now he feels he will lose his father because of your newborn. There is a serious lack of communication on the fathers part here. You must have a family sit down adn keep an open communication with this child ifyou want to continue. But if you keep fighting with the bf , this is also going to affect your kid. If bf doesn't change, leave. Its best for your child. But i would have supervised visitation. let your bf come over to see his newborn. Dont let him take him to his house. His son will turn his anger onto his half brother. And seeing how your bf doesn't seem to parent well, i would bring that issue upfront for safety. (i knew a case where the sd was strangling her little half sister, if it werent' for the grandmother that little 3 year old would have died.)