Quote From DS's Dad...

ashley1979

15 years ago

According to DS..."On second thought, SHE'S the custodial parent so she should pay everything."

Aaah! Nothing like an angry, irrational ex to make one feel like letting their kid go over there to live!

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Comments (10)

sylviatexas1
15 years ago
Maybe dad thought his contribution was a one-time thing, 'bout nine months before child was born?
ashley1979
Original Author
15 years ago
I guess! I think he actually thinks he is doing me a service by taking DS every-other weekend.

And what gets me is that he spent the entire Labor Day weekend lecturing and yelling at DS. Like that's going to make him want to choose living with him over me. *sarcasm intended*

Oh, and he and his stupid GF said awful things about me and DH, claiming to "know how we are." Like DS really wants to sit there and be told that half of his DNA is "controlling and mean."

How does that idiot think that makes his son feel?

So, yet again, DS comes home and I have to mop up the mess his stupid dad and GF made, but this time I didn't do it alone. I told DS that I wanted him to talk about this in front of DH so he knows what's going on. DH was APPALLED to hear all of this directly from DS's mouth, instead of mine. I guess puts things in a different perspective coming from DS.
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yeah.... Losing my little brother a month ago has been the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I wanted to kill myself, so I could avoid the pain and maybe even be with my brothers again. Within the first hours, driving over here, my mom asleep exhausted from crying all night, I myself crying and driving on the freeway with no sleep, I thought how likely and easy it would be to end it for us both. One movement of my hands into the opposite lane... And then I heard his voice in my head. You know how you narrate to yourself... well Dan and I were full siblings and we had similar tonal qualities in our voices. His voice was like the masculine version of my own. It may have been my own ego trying to cope, but I don't think so. Because he had some very definite things to say. Perhaps I was crazy, but a very clear conversation took place in my head. I was very close to losing it when I heard his voice, crystal clear, "Cari, just chill. Chill and relax. You can't change what happened, and I'm *so sorry*. You need to be strong for mom right now". And I thought to him, "Dan? Is this real? Are you really speaking to me or am I imagining what i want to hear"? "You and I had a special connection, Cari, and that's why you can hear me". "Will I always be able to hear you? Will you always be with me like this"? "I'll always be with you". "Where are you"? I got the impression of a smile, and the last clear words he spoke in my head. "I can't answer that". And if I try to make it happen again, to imagine his voice, it's not the same, or he just says those same things over and over. Now, his death rattled my already weak faith to the core. Since then I have been searching with all my heart for Jesus. I never felt spirituality in religion before, but now it is different. I have begged and prayed for the faith I need to believe that my brothers are together in Heaven, that Jesus saved them. I believe I have been given it through three strong signs. That was one of them. The second one happened the next day, and it was so powerful that it erased all doubt about the continuity of the human soul. I received a... a vision, a halluciantion, whatever you want to call it. After the mortifying experience of identifying his body and seeing him like that, my mother and I were driving to the family's house, going out of our minds, and I began to scream at God. How could you take his young body, so healthy, and let it die? I can't believe I'll never see him alive again; no more smiling, no more sweating, no more hard muscles, no more beautiful brown eyes. How could you call yourself compassionate and/or loving? How can I even survive without seeing him again??????? And when we got out of the car, the door to the house was open... we were no more than 15 ft away. What we saw made the two of us stagger and practically drop to our knees. I remember having time to say "WTF???!!! Who IS that?" Because there before us, it looked as if he was walking down the hallway in front of the open door. It didn't just look to be, I tell you, it WAS him, in the flesh. He had just gotten out of the shower. We saw one stride in that long legged lean way he had.... then he turned and faced us. He stood in the doorway for a good five seconds, sporting the biggest grin I'd ever seen, and waving at us. Smiling and waving. Then my uncle snapped into focus. Now, if Dan had lived to middle age, he would have looked like my uncle. Both had dark hair and dark eyes. But when Ray snapped into focus for my mother and I, he wasn't smiling like that. Now way. Less than 48 hours since the accident, you people know that no one was smiling. He saw us staggering and immediately knew we had mistaken him for Danny. He came to us and said "If he can live through me in any way, I am honored". Without a word from us, he knew we had thought he was Dan. He was Dan. We weren't that far away, and I know what I saw. The drops of water glistening on his white torso. The smile. My uncle is tan, and he wasn't smiling. It must be hard tp bridge the gap between life and death, so I think this was... the only way, the only time that God could let us know that Dan continues on. He made sure that both me and my mom had the same hallucination or the same vision, whatever you want to call it, so we would know it's real and not just our grieving imaginations. They continue on, and they are happy.
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Oh, goodness! I'm still confused! LOL! Great suggestions and great reasons for both talking to X and not. @Sylvia - what you suggested was what I was thinking. I was planning to take DS to the store to get the game this weekend, but I wasn't going to buy it for him. He has 2 gift cards left from his b-day so I was going to let him use those. For the record, I would not use my own money to buy a game for DS when he has gift cards at his dad's house that belong to him. That would be petty of me. But if DS wants to use his own money or gift cards, that's another story. @Sweeby - why do you think your X did those "for you but really for me" gifts? Was it to justify spending the money or do you think it really was the thought of DS, but didn't realize he'd get more use out of it than DS? @Nivea - you make some really, really, really good points! I hate the gimme mentality, too. I found out X got it for him AFTER I told him we were "thinking" about getting it. So what would an 11 year old need with 2 $400+ game systems???? He wanted it for himself. The sad thing is that X's entire family went in on this "gift" for DS, so he got nothing else from that side of his family. DS now knows that the game system was really for his dad and that his dad conned the other family members into helping him pay for it. And you're right that if I say something it might open up the boundaries I've been trying to re-set for a while now. I am totally amazed at how self-centered X can be. He lost his job and now DS doesn't have health insurance (he said he was going to get COBRA, didn't, and wasted away the time limit to put him on my insurance). He swindles DS out of his Christmas gifts. On top of that, he's not even looking for a job! He didn't come to his basketball practice the other day because "it's finally a nice day so I need to clean and polish the bike". Seriously??? He NEEDS to clean and polish a motorcycle instead of be at his own kid's practice??? My heart breaks for DS every time he has to listen to some stupid excuse like that. You know, if I were to do any of that, I'd be the worse mom ever.
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myfampg
15 years ago
I think that's what my mom did? Lol sent me to my Dad's to teach us both a lesson. Me: grass isn't greener Dad: it cost a lot more than your 20% of income to feed and clothe and raise a kid.
Dad sent me back real quick and I got a new attitude. Lol

I love the quotes. We should make a thread with just ex quotes that come through the kids. LoL actually probably a bad idea because we shouldn't be laughing at our kids being put in the middle BUT it's not like we are going to read the list to the kids right?

Here is mine: Dd was 6. My dad said that you are... Well you are... I can't remember the word but it is a big word and I think he thinks you are fat.
silversword
15 years ago
I love it!! My best quote from recently is:

"The email I got from DD's tutoring has the wrong date on the registration packet, and I don't have enough time to contact them. I'm so busy doing _______________(as he tells me all about his busy life for 10 minutes, including doing a talk show interview and promoting for big name clothing company and and and)."

Me (thinking in my head) Oh, I understand busy... I get up at 5am, work 8 hours, pick up YOUR daughter, drive her to tutoring, afternoon activities, etc.... then manage homework, dinner, laundry, house cleaning, etc.

BAH!
myfampg
15 years ago
I love when my ex likes to make his job loom ubber important by telling me he has a business trip and will be out of town and can't get Dd. At first I thought wow he goes on business trips... But then when we were in therapy his 'business trips' consist of him being on a job site 'out of town' meaning out of 'his' town, 40 minutes away. We live in a metroplex so I guess it would be safe to say 'I go on a business trip daily by traveling 'out of my town' to my office in another town.' lol he thinks he is so important with his business trips. Lol
ashley1979
Original Author
15 years ago
Myfam - that's what my X does. He always thinks anything having to do with him is more important than anyone else.

Silver - Ha ha ha! That is seriously funny...not to mention aggrivating.

Now they are even sending back DS's clothes unwashed. At least I could count on his clothes that he wore over there or any uniforms he wore for the weekend coming back clean. They think they are getting back at me or hurting me, but they aren't. It's no big deal, for me, to throw the clothes in the washer with all the other stuff. But to DS it's embarassing to wear dirty clothes back or to carry a bag of dirty sports clothes around in his backpack all day.

And they don't understand that when they put me down and call me names and say stuff like I "tricked" them it makes DS feel like half of himself is whatever awful thing they say. It doesn't hurt me because I don't hear it and I don't let their insults dig at me. But DS does because he's a kid who loves both of his parents.

I find myself feeling the old hurt and fear I felt when we were married, and I HATE myself for it!

I feel hurt like that 23 year old girl walking on the side of the road at 2:30am crying and trying to get to my parents house because my drunk husband forced me out of the car and took off.

I feel scared like I did a few minutes later when my drunk husband pulled up in front of me, screamed to me "If you ever want to see your son again you'll get in the car" with my sleepy-headed 3 year old little boy staring wide-eyed at me, wondering what happened because his father went into his grandparent's house, grabbed him out of bed, and stuck him in the car when he thought he was spending the night, and all I can think is "if anything happens tonight I'd rather die in the car with my son than to let my son die by himself."
momof3_stepof1
15 years ago
Ashley... you are much better off now if that's what your life was like before. That sucks so bad!

My ss went to his bm's this weekend wearing gray Nike pants and a gray tshirt..... I packed a whole weekend full of clothes both warm and cool so he had everything he needed. He came home wearing the exact same thing. The clothes were packed in the exact same way I sent them.... meaning the kid didn't even change clothes once. I guess I'm glad I didn't have to wash the clothes but geeesh.... he was obviously unshowered and the clothes were three days old by then.
MrsProffit25
15 years ago
ashley - what a sad story!! i dont really know what to say but yhou are a strong woman for leaving!!! good for you! and your son!
myfampg
15 years ago
Ashley that is awful! I'm so sorry

I have two new quotes! I have two new quotes!!

Dd told me tonight:
'they think you are mellowdramatic and you are all about drama.'

This actually offends me. She is 10 how the hell does she know these two words? And I'm so tired of them talking about me ugh! I wish they would just get my name out of their mouths.

Dd also told me
'SM told me that she can't touch my hair because you cut it and it's damaged now'

I know these aren't funny but I'm so pissed I needed to share. I don't know how long I can keep smiling and saying, 'it's ok that doesnt hurt my feelings. I'm sorry they keep saying these things to you'

And I'm so tired of my daughter spending the night with SM's ex husband it makes me sick that Bd sends our daughter to be with another man!

And the best part: there is nothing I can do about any of this.

My lawyer is just done. Won't return my calls or emails. I just give up. I can't afford another lawyer right now... It's like Bd and SM just keep winning no matter what I do.
momof3_stepof1
15 years ago
Myfampg, I'm so sorry! She is 10 and should not know those words at all. Those totally came out of their mouths.

I really think that maybe not sending her is the answer. BD never answers your emails or calls, just don't answer his. He's going to have to take you back to court for contempt, will he? AND... if you document EVERYTHING then maybe the judge will see it for what it is. My friend kept her kids because of things like this and his contempt charges were thrown out. Also, ds11 sperm donor took mom number 2 to court for contempt for her keeping their ONE kid (they have 2 and he doesn't care about the other), she had enough proof that it also got thrown out. Maybe it's just my state but I really think it's worth a shot.

Quote From DS's Dad...

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Quote From DS's Dad...

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