A question for all of you that have bio children with hubby

16 years ago

So, lately, I have been having this I dont know biological clock ticking thing going... that is the best way I can describe it. I have my daughter and my three step kids... but to be honest... I think I want another child of my own. I approched the subject with my husband and he said yes, actually, lately he has thought the same thing... To be honest, I am not sure if maybe he was just reading my thoughts and said the answer I wanted to hear... but we talked about it and I have always wanted a son and although I have two step sons... as most of you know ... it's just not the same.

My husband had a vasectomy before his daughter was even born so this isnt exactly an easy decision. He would have to go back under the knife... which he had a very bad experiance doing the first time. So, there is always a chance that this may not work no matter how much we may want it to.

I guess my question is this.... How has bringing another child into an already complicated family life been good and/or bad? And, do you think you would be as fulfilled and I am not really sure what the word I am looking for is... if you didnt have a child with your husband?

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Comments (3)

angelz921
16 years ago
You know what, even though I have a son and my husband has a daughter we both wanted children. And as difficult as his ex wife is and as many problems as we have with her, we both desperately wanted one that was both a part of us. He love's my son unconditionally without fail and that is his best friend, but wanted to have a son that was a name sake. That being said, I think if you and your husband are willing to except that added stress this will bring into your life, it will only make the experience that much greater. There are some that think that in a second marriage you should NOT have children but I believe that to be selfish. I think having kids is a wonderful experience and brings so much into your life. So if both you and your husband really want another child in your family then go for it, but take the time to think it out before you actually go about it. I wouldn't rush into it, as you have a few in the house right now. I would completely support the decision, it's a great bonding experience for everyone! Just my opinion.
tamar_422
16 years ago
Our little guy is definitely a blessing. He has not complicated our blended family life in the least. If anything, he is the tie that binds us all together. Having said that, I need to add that there have been no sibling rivalries among our kids because they are sufficiently spaced apart in age (SS20, SS17, DD14, DD10 and darling son, 5). It also helps in our situation that although my daughters look just like me (dark and slender), our little boy looks just like his dad and brothers (fair, with blue eyes). In fact, when my SS17 was a little boy, he had red hair, just like our 5 yo, and people comment on how much he looks like this brother or that brother. When SS17 was away at rehab for six months, he consistently told his therapists he wanted to be clean so that he could be a good role model for younger sisters and brother, and that he missed his baby brother the most of anyone.

As to whether or not I would be as fulfilled ... well, if I didn't have him, I wouldn't know what I was missing. But I honestly believe that he, more than anything else DH and I could have done, is the reason all of our kids think of us as "family." They always introduce each other as "my brother" or "my sister," they don't make the "step" distinction, and they don't think of our family as "mom's husband and his kids," or "dad's wife and her kids."

I do think DH and I have a "connection" we wouldn't have if we hadn't been through a birth of a child together, as well as raising "our" child. And I am probably a better stepmom for it, because my older boys are not just DH's sons, but they are also brothers to my bio kids.

I wish you luck with this complicated decision.
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vistajpdf
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My skids are much older and didn't take the news well for any of my 3 (two planned, one surprise) pg'cies. They were in their mid-late teens at the time of my first pg'cy.

I probably would have divorced my husband had it not been for our kids - partly joking, but partly serious. W/ all the crap he put me through w/ his other children, it would have been easier to leave.

I do think there's something really nice about raising a child 'together' when you believe you're on the same page, etc.

That being said, I was largely a mom to my DNephews before having children, and where helping w/ my skids was not rewarding, raising my DNs was no different than raising my own sons. It all depends to your relationship. Of course, having the final say has been nice with respect to having my bio kids. My DNs' mother was much like an ex in many respects and she put up roadblocks to make my life difficult.

If the surgery can be done, I'd go for it. If not, you'll be fine, too.

All the best,
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A question for all of you that have bio children with hubby

Comments (3)

angelz921

tamar_422

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