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daughters bf

18 years ago

my 15 year old daughter has been dating her bf for 8 months and her bf is hispanic and my boyfriend of 8 years doesnt approve ive taught my children that no matter what a persons skin color is it doesnt matter because we all bleed the same color this is a major problem in my bf and mine relationship we fight over this everyday.PLEASE HELP.

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Comments (9)

serenity_now_2007
18 years ago
I couldn't be involved with a bigot, especially one who was trying to instill bigotry in my own children. Time to seriously reconsider if you want to stay with this guy.
mom2emall
18 years ago
This sounds like your bf's problem. I would tell him that he needs to accept this relationship or he needs to find a new relationship himself!

At her age this relationship will probably not last forever, but what are you going to do if your daughter grows up and marries a great guy who happens to be hispanic or some other race that your bf does not agree with? What is she has children with that man? Are you prepared to write off your daughter and grandchildren because your boyfriend is prejudice?
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I have to side with the others on here, your bf does not seem worth your committment. Marriage is a HUGE committment and should not be used as a tool to fix a broken relationship. I know that right now you have a baby and are not quite finished with college and it seems so hard to leave. But, for you and your daughter you should go. I say this from experience, being in a similar situation when I was only 19 and mother to a 4 month old baby. I was scared to leave my ex, who treated me like crap. I was worried about how I would support our son on my own. For a while I thought it would be better to stay because of my son. Then I realized that a miserable mom was not good for a child. So, when I finally hit my breaking point with my ex I left. I had to move in with family and work full-time while going to college full-time and raising a baby. It was a struggle. But, it paid off. I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders when I left. Sure, I had nights when I cried myself to sleep. But, when I saw his next gf as miserable as I had been I realized I had made the right choice. He would never change. For the next few years I focused on me and my son, got my life on track, and regained my self-esteem. I decided that I deserved much more than I had in my ex. I dated around for years, picking apart each man I dated to my friends. They often joked that I would be an old spinster. I almost thought I would be, then I met the man of my dreams. The way he treated me and the way I instantly felt around him was wonderful! This is what I deserved. Years later we married and are very happy. I have thought back many times to how horrible my life would have been if I had not made the decision to leave my ex. You deserve so much more than this guy is giving you. Please do not settle for this. Your almost done with school and have so much life in front of you-do not waste it You do not want to look back when your 35 and say "I should have left back then!"
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fiveinall
18 years ago
Yeah....I think your boyfirend needs to keep his opinions to himself or move on you dont want your children raised like that...
I had a similar issue with my MIL...she would make comments about other races infront of myself and the children....I will not raise my children to hate and I told my DH he either needed to talk to her and make it stop or that we weren't coming around anymore....
He had a sit down with her and ever since I havent had any problems...I am sure its killing her to have to "follow" our rules about that but I could care less.....My kids and they will be raised to see everyone as equal...
believer
18 years ago
I may get blasted for this but.......my guess is that if your bf is a bigot he also has other character flaws that make him an unpleasant person. This is a BIG character flaw all alone.....Wouldn't want that in a partner. Sorry.
sweeby
18 years ago
A person who needs to put others down in order to feel better about himself is not someone you want in your life, and that's exactly what a bigot does.
quirk
18 years ago
luci, I am in your daughter's position, except that I am an adult not a teenager. I am a 40 year old adult woman who had to tell my mother that when the time comes for me to start bringing my boyfriend home with me for visits, I will no longer be able to stay at her house because i don't intend to subject either myself or my BF to the way I would expect her SO to treat us. The best she could say to me was that she didn't blame me. Not that BF would be welcome in her home, not that she could guarantee SO would be decent or polite to us, just that she couldn't blame me for staying away. Is that what you want for yourself when your daughter is grown?

I can't honestly say I have a lot of sympathy for you. Surely you realized at some point during the past 8 years that you are dating a bigot? If he feels strongly enough on the subject that this has become a daily fight for you, he's certainly made derogatory comments about people of other races before now. You chose to be with him anyway. This is a consequence, and one you could have pretty easily predicted. It is not going to get better. Your daughter will probably break up with her current boyfriend sooner or later, but she will probably have other friends and boyfriends of different ethnicities. She may even marry and have children with one of them. How will you feel 10 years from now when your husband can't accept your biracial grandchildren? Even if that doesn't happen, you will always be stuck in the middle; if he treats her or her friends badly, she will resent you for allowing it and for not standing up for her. Trust me.
sylviatexas1
18 years ago
"my boyfriend of 8 years doesnt approve"

& he feels entitled to an opinion on this (or anything else)...why?
cat38
18 years ago
The more you harp on kids in a negative way the more they want to do it just to piss you off... Tell BF to get over it... Teenagers do not want to be told what to do they only rebel... If you have raised your daughter to make good choices than let her make them... only but in if its not a healthy relationship for her....
catlettuce
18 years ago
Yuck, I hate to think there are still so many prejudice people like this out there.

If you are not also prejudiced and I am assuming you are not since this bothers you so, how can you stand to be with him? Yuck, again.

I'd tell him to behave respectfully or get lost.

Sorry little hijack here, I'm amazed at this really.
I had another nurse tell me at work the other day she would never vote for Barack even though she is democrat because he is black. I said "Well does it make a difference to you that he is half caucasian?" And she said "No, I would never vote for a black man."

I am just flabbergasted, I mean I realize there is still a lot of bigotry out there but to out & out verbalize it in a professional setting-that just blew me away. I told her in the future she may want to keep her feelings about this to herself in work and social settings. Inappropriate, to say the least. As is your BF!

Very sad, when your decisions/feelings are based solely on someones ethnicity/race and not the human being.

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