It is much cheaper having a family plan than individual plans. Why can't your SS just give his dad ten dollars a month or whatever it costs to cover any text messages or music downloads?

While I can see why you're annoyed -- rightfully, at his unauthorized changes -- texting is a way of life for SS's generation.

A cell phone plan that charges for each text message could eat your lunch, and a plan that doesn't allow it at all will cause resentment. Really, a plan with ample or unlimited texting is the most cost-effective way to get the service. The idea that SS covers the cost differential is very reasonable. But of course, if you're covering all of his other college expenses, it seems a bit hypocritical to only charge him for this... Does he have a job?

Sunny,

I see several issues here and I would be concerned, too:

1. Did DH know why his son wanted the password in the first place? Wasn't it a bit of a red flag?

2. If DH didn't know that his son was going to use the password to change or alter the account, and his son went ahead and did it, then his son committed a dishonest act. Did DH reprimand his son or did his son feel any repercussions at all for doing this?

3. SS is a 22 year-old man. He is a grown man, whether he is in college or not. When did a cell phone become a "necessity"? Food is a necessity but a cell phone is a luxury and most young people use their cell phones for social purposes. Why should a 22 year-old expect his parents or stepparents to underwrite his social life?

4. At 22 years of age, even if he is taking a full load in college, there isn't any reason why he can't work part-time and if he wants a cell phone, he should use his earnings to pay for it. It will teach him responsibility and he will have his own account and he will guard his password. If he doesn't and someone gets into his account, jacks with it and proceeds to run up unauthorized charges, then he will know how it feels.

A good friend of mine has a 17 year-old stepdaughter and they put her on their family cell account. At first it started off with a few dollars per month more in additional charges because of her usage, but it soon got way out of control, with hundreds of dollars in additional charges every month.

Of course SM and her Dad were talking to her very seriously about her usage every month when the bill came in, but she kept it up and the last bill was $700 over what it should have been.

In the course of a few months, she cost her stepmom and Dad over $2,500 in extra charges because of texting, calls everywhere, etc.

Finally, DH put his foot down, with SM right behind him. They took SD off their cell plan and SD got a part-time job, bought her own phone and is very careful about how she uses it.

To answer your question about what you should say if your DH asks you for the password - tell him "NOPE".

To theotherside: I agree and did agree a family plan is cheaper, no disagreement there. However, DH will not make SS pay anything extra for texting or music and knowing SS he would not pay. The stepkids are always trying to get something for free from us. DH told SS "NO" texting and I feel by him not listening to his dad he is disrespecting his father. Sure college kids text each other but it is a privilage not a requirement. I think it is good of his dad and I to pay for his cell phone each month. It appears he is taking advantage of a good thing. It is disresectful he went in and changed things without asking and then deines doing any changes. No one else has access to this account but DH and I and SS, until I changed the password about 6 months ago. Now only I have the password. The SKs often lie to DH and he is blind to it. He said someone (fraud) must have gotten in our account and changed things. But now I see SS going in there again without asking and trying to change things, but can't because I only know the password.

Like I said in the past I have good reason not to trust my SK. They have proven to me to be dishonest.

hmm.. you know I never directly call my kids out on lieing... I always tell them things like for ex; my son came home and said he couldnt do his homework b/c he didnt understand what it was saying... I asked him if he asked the teacher any questions... he told me that the teacher said he wasnt allowed to ask questions... (obviously this isnt the truth) But, I said really then I need to have a talk with the teacher b/c that is unacceptable. I'll make an appointment to talk to her and ask her why students cant ask questions. Ofcourse, later when he realized how badly he would get caught ... he told me the truth. (Dad threw in I certainly hope what your telling us is the truth young man)

Anyways, my point is... if son wont admit to it and Dad wont admit to it... say something to the extent of well I guess you are right and someone broke into our account... but that makes me concerned that whoever did it may have stolen personal information.. So, I am going to have the cell phone company do a fraud investigation (cell phone companies have entire fraud departments) It just might make the guilty party fess up... especially if you throw in... the cell phone company uses their own discretion as to wether they prosecute or not... it will be out of my hands...

That way it's not about you accussing anyone or prohibiting anyone... essentially (even if you dont actually go to the cell phone company) it's a fairly good bluff that doesnt make you the bad guy.

As to not giving the password...imo you cant very well tell hubby you cant have password to our account... its a little juvenile... and your not his mama your his wife ... I know my hubby would be highly irritated if I did such. And, taking the phone away completely is not unreasonable... especially since he is 22 years old. My parents had no problem at all with adding me to their phone account provided I had a job to pay for my slice of the pie... ditto for my own car and car insurance... I have had my own phone since 16. And my kids are more than welcome to have phones etc... provided they get a job !!

I have never accused SS of lieing to anyone. I have only said it on this site because this is the place one can be fully truthful on what is really going on. DH has not asked for the password yet. I know I will have to give it to him if he asks for it. I plan on saying that "since we have had trouble in the past with fraud like behavior on the cell account I would appreciate it if only him and I know the password. If SS needs to do something on the account he can let us know, then we will handle it it for him."
SS does work part-time and goes to college, but, DH pays his entire car insurance ($100.00 a month), any repairs for his car, his entire cell phone bill including text messages he was told by Dad not to do, and DH gives him cash here and there, we send food for him, and $2500.00 per year for college. SS bio mom pays for nothing.

I know my neice who is 17 years old pays her mom and dad for her cell phone and payments towards her car. I have never seen DH ever make SS pay for anything. I just amazes me how he has taught is kids to expect hand outs.

It should all be on your phone records, isn't it? I mean, if you guys said no texting but texting appears on your bill, simply show it... and especially because you pay for everything else, I think it is more than OK to start severing the financial umbellical chord and tell your SS he needs to get his own phone. TMobile has great pre-paid cards, it really puts things into perspective for a college student! Granted, I was in college pre cell phones, but I remember when my father talked to me about our home phone bill and how I was sending it through the roof and that I had to contribute if I wanted to use it the way I did... I learned a lot.

I think you can focus on helping your SS mature versus him lying... a childish attempt if you ask me. I am grateful for my father cutting me off when he did, even if at the time I was indignant and couldn't believe the betrayal. It took me some hard falls (only now is my credit score finally in a good place; I have been paying the cost of immature college negligence), but I learned my lesson.

It's no biggie: think about it this way, you are giving him $2400 instead of $2500.... or take the opposite approach and give him $100 extra for his own cell phone bill.

Maybe you can "beat DH to it" and say, I was thinking that it's time to let SS have his own phone and own bill...

Who pays for the rest of his tuition?

TOS, He has received several grants and has taken out minimal students loans. When I went to college I too had to take out student loans. It took me about 15 years and I paid them off. My parents could not afford to give me much money for college so I did it on my own.

I know your going to say college is so much more expensive now days and it is. However, I have seen SS spend money on unnecessary items and toys. Like scooters, skate boards, snow boards, ski equipment, i pods, stereos, etc. I remember when I went to college I could not afford such items. I spend my money on necessities only (food & rent) not unnecessary items and when I got out of college then I purchased fun unnecessary items. So don't go there with me. Every situation is unique.

sunnygardenerme... I am sorry but I think you misunderstood me... my point was not to say that you called SS a liar but that you know it was him, he knows it was him, and he wont say he did it... I was just offering a piece of advice as to how you might be able to get him to fess up on his own without making yourself out to be the bad guy.... I did not mean to imply that you had called him a liar or done anything wrong infact.

Does it matter where the rest of his tuition money comes from?

Yes, it does matter if the student is contributing by taking out loans or my getting scholarships or grants.

How does what or how SS is contributing to his education have anything to do with him making unauthorized changes to sunny's cellphone account?

My question was in response to my surprise that the college costs listed were so low:

"SS does work part-time and goes to college, but, DH pays his entire car insurance ($100.00 a month), any repairs for his car, his entire cell phone bill including text messages he was told by Dad not to do, and DH gives him cash here and there, we send food for him, and $2500.00 per year for college."

I wouldn't care if my kids made changes to "my" cell phone account, as long as they paid for the extra charges. They don't have to ask me before they send a text message or download a new ring tone or whatever. I don't understand why he and his father just don't mutually decide who is going to pay for what.

Whether or not the mother contributes is irrelevant to the student's contributions. My exH has contributed next to nothing, but that is certainly not the children's fault.

mom of 4 its OK I never took your response in a negative way, thanks for the input. Sylviatexas and tamar thanks for your common sense reponses to TOS.
SS will not pay for anything he can get out of. A mutual agreement was made, DH did agree to pay for SS's basic cell phone use and that is it. Also, SS going into our account without asking and changing things is very wrong. By SS not following the agreement I find it disrespectful and dishonest. It is like stealing from us.
TOS your kids don't have to ask you to text or download new ringtones because that is the agreement or unspoken understanding you have made with your children. It is not the agreement DH made with SS. There was a spoken verbal agreement DH made with SS. I was present when DH made the agreement with SS and I heard it loud and clear.