Why is your DH having supervised visiting? 3 small children is a lot for anyone.

He agreed upon 2 months of supervised visits so mother could see that his daughter was able to bond with him and that she would be able to have her EOW visitation. She was in contempt of the original agreement but because he never did anything about it both BM and DH had to agree on something to keep from going to court. So this is what they came up with, DH use to do whatever BM said when she said so is not to piss her off. He use to be very obedient in regards to anything she had to say. It ended up biting him in the backside. Now he doesn't just do whatever she wants, but does try to compromise on things.

I didnt think Supervision was that common. Who is supervising? I would question whether you are hearing the entire story.

It is a lot more common then people think, I use to work in a law office that was specific to family law. I do know the whole story as we've been together for 2 years now and I have read every bit of court papers that he has in regards to the case. No judge in the world, well at least no good one will make a child spend EOW with a father whom she doesn't know. It would cause to much stress upon a child, emotionally. BM meets him at the park for 4 hours Sat and Sun EOW, she spends her time on the phone or talking to a friend or her mother while my DH plays with his daughter. It's standard protocol when there was no visitation or there was a contempt in visitation. The mediation paperwork stated that BM agreed she was in contempt but because my DH did nothing to correct the situation that made him equally at fault so nothing was done to either of them.

Do you have any relationship with her? You didn't mention her age, but said your son was 3 - is that about right?

Could you get her excited by asking her to help you? Obviously she probably can't hold the baby, but help you by bringing the bottles over, helping to be quiet while the baby sleeps, rocking the baby gently in the swing chair? Maybe if you make a really big deal about how important it is for her to be a good big sister and how much her new baby brother loves her, she'll get excited about helping? I don't have a baby, but would be more inclined toward being really really inclusive rather than keeping her away and trying to control her movements too much. Obviously, if she lashes out against the baby and is acting dangerously around him, that's another story.

A 3 year old expressing that much violence is pretty scary - you might want to check out counseling or some kind of play therapy. Sounds like she is going through some big changes all around - new relationship with dad, new brothers, new stepmom - that's alot for anyone to handle - let alone a 3 year old.

Fortunately, my SS yearns for a sibling and as far as he's concerned, we're taking too long to get him one.

Good luck!

Stick to the old rule to NEVER leave your infant alone w/ a toddler. Any signs of aggression and she'd be out of there - call the mother, etc. I want to think that an infant would be unable to make her angry where your preschooler would - he could communicate, touch her things, etc. Of course, that's no excuse for her actions, but a baby will not be able to interact for a long time. I would take the positive approach - ask her for her help w/ the baby (fetch a diaper, help w/ the bath, stress she must be gentle), point out when baby smiles that he loves her, etc. It may crack her exterior and turn things around.

Good luck,
Dana

I was terrified with DH and I had our first boy. Luckily for me his older brothers love him to death, they're nicer to their half-brothers than they are to each other. Since she doesn't see her Dad that often make sure they get plenty of quality time on her visits and try to ease her into the situation by 'helping' if she's willing, if she shows no interest don't force it.

Dana's right though, never leave a infant alone with a toddler or any child under the age of 13 in my opinion.

About the way she interacts with your son, is it just her personality (doesn't play well at her age) or is it specific to jealousy?

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this.

As for SD she is 4 1/2, we have no relationship not for the lack of trying. She still sees me as an enemy because I am in her dad's life and her mother I am almost 100% sure makes it so she wont like me. But it's still early on in the marriage we have time to work on once she comes over to the house EOW. I hope *key word hope* that we can have some sort of friendship one day. She has a half sister from her mother's first marriage who is about 3 years older then her as well so she is use to being the baby and getting every thing her heart desires, her mother and her grandparents assure she wants for nothing. I found out that she is even nasty to her older sister, who now locks her door from the inside when she is in school or away at her fathers for the weekend. Only because SD goes in and breaks all of her toys and destroys her room, and her mom has to go in with a coat hanger to unlock the door from the outside. But apparently this is normal 4 year old behavior and no discipline is given, not even a time out or anything. Same thing that she did at our house last time she was here. She only gets along well with others when it's on her terms but will instantly flip the switch as soon as it's not going the way she wants. Yes, I have personally seen this with her sister and her cousin not to mention with my son. I also just found out that BM is not giving in on the situation with the mediation being set up 2 days after my due date because she is angry he is having another baby. Apparently while they were married when she had SD she had her tubs cut and wanted DH to have a vasectomy but he said no as he wanted a son and wasn't ready yet. She was very, very mad about this, and now that he is having another child and it is a boy she is even more pissed off.

I would never mention counseling to my DH to mention to BM, BM would flip a lid. She yells at DH anytime he asks her a question in regards to his daughters health, I called him at the park his last visitation only to hear her yelling at him about some sweat bumps that were coving her arms and belly. He thought it might be her breaking out and asked if she had taken SD to the doctor's about, BM freaked out on him. I had to hang up as I was getting mad just hearing the things coming out of her mouth, I don't know telling the father of your child to mind your own business that she is the mother and she knows how to take care of her own daughter with out his help. That just kinda gets to me as I am a mother myself.

As for including her in daily activities, I am willing to give it a try and maybe once the idea sinks in she will soften up. I really want this family to work and without any harm to my children in the process. I can't help but worry but I also hope that I am wrong in my worries.

Why were you calling him during his visitation? Once recently when my exH and I were in a meeting discussing our daughter's disabilities, his current wife called, and then called again a few minutes later, both times leaving a message which caused the phone to beep

If he hadn't been actively acting as a parent when the child was a baby and a toddler, I can understand the mother telling him off when he implied that she was not getting necessary medical treatment (breaking out with what? chicken pox? poison ivy? heat rash? - I can't think of too many things that would require a doctor's visit/call unless there was the possibility of an allergic reaction to medication.

Why does it matter why she called him during his visitation? Is there a rule against it?

TOS- First off I was calling him because my grandmother was put in the hospital because of an emergency and I was letting him know that we would be leaving when I picked him up straight from the park to the hospital over an hour away. I never call him EVER! I feel that's his time with his daughter and I have him every other day of the week I do not need to talk to him while he is with her. I do have full right to call him in case of an emergency i.e. family emergency or if I am going into labor. I am not one of those people who would call over and over again apparently like your ex's current wife. I find that rude no matter what, I would simply leave a message and be done with it.

As for parenting, I personally think that no mother has the right to deny the father of her child any knowledge in regards to his child especially health. He was there every day while they were married and for a little after the divorce until the Other Man she cheated on him with moved in with her. Then he was never aloud to see his daughter, one excuse after another until it just became an outright NO with no rhyme or reason why. He would ask her to pick up his daughter for a few hours to do something and she would say no, I would have to sit there and hear the heartache in his voice every time to why he couldn't have her. This was after we got together but according to his old roommate is was typical of her to do that, or say he could have her he would drive what was then almost an hour and a half to pick her up only to be turned down at the door.

My husband has sensitive skin on his arms and with certain laundry detergent or soaps he will break out very, very badly. He brought it up thinking if it was the same thing maybe it might be just the detergent she was using. That is might also require some topical cream to ease the itching he gets when he use to break out. Come to find out it was heat rash, apparently they don't use the a/c in the house and no a/c in the car because BM smokes. And anyone who lives in Florida knows that's a big deal with the heat and humidity here.

TOS my DH loves his daughter very much and tries on a daily basis to be a part of her life but BM at this point doesn't allow for it. Now I am not saying he's perfect and for a while after being denied seeing her for a year he stopped trying and would only call to talk to her on the phone, and if was in the area seeing family he would call to see if he could stop by. There was a Christmas where we dropped off presents at midnight because BM wouldn't let him see his daughter for a little just so she could open them. So yes there was a time when he didn't see her, he got tired of trying and tired of being hurt every day. Finally getting fed up we moved and hour and half away from my family just so we could be near her and to pursue a court ordered visitation she would have to work with. I am not saying this out of anger but out of sympathy but I really wish you could understand that not all fathers are bad and not all SM are out to ruin the lives of there children. I have my moments where I don't know if I can handle the stress and my anger might get the better of me, but that is in regards to his ex not his daughter. But never has his daughter seen me angry because I am never around her, his visitations with his daughter are just that time with her not with me. When she comes to our house I am sure it will be more difficult but I will work through it, I may leave for a few hours to get away. But I will be ok with it because my husband is showing me that he is a great father by being responsible for his daughter and not simply walking away and not looking back. I have no problems with the child support, I think he pays a very reasonable amount even though he differs on that opinion. I just simply remind him how expensive children are to raise and how quickly they need things.

June - Don't be angry at TOS, she has a right to question. I would be rather upset if too if supervised visitations where constantly interrupted every 5 minutes by wife who is either nosey or checking up or just outright being annoying. I understand the question, when I read it first I took offense to it, but that's because we have all gotten use to things being negative in regards to TOS. But if you look at it just as it is a simple question you just give it a simple answer and be done with it. She had a bad experience in regards to her ex and his new wife, so she only has that to base her opinions on it's to be expected that she would automatically assume that was what I was doing. There for I just explained to her why I called and that it not a regular occurrence. Did I have to? No, but I did it in hopes that maybe one day she may have a glimpse that not all SM are like the one she has to deal with.

angelz,

Of course it is fine to call him in the event of an emergency. My exH's current wife does call him over and over to check up on him. On the rare occasions that he has called me to discuss the kids, she stands right next to the phone and talks over him. It is obvious it annoys him, and I almost feel sorry for him.

Oh see that annoys me no matter who I am talking to personal or not. When my DH is on the phone with his ex or even his dad who lives in MD us in FL, I will either go into another room or say hey if you need privacy why don't you go sit on the porch or something to that extent. I personally don't care what is being said and frankly don't want to know. I hate people who are like that and equally can't stand people who are nosey. If he wants me to know he will tell me but normally when he volunteer's certain information, I just tell him that I would rather not know as I might get angry at what was discussed. And as it doesn't pertain to me then I don't need to stress about stuff I have no control over.

I would feel sorry for you ex too if I had to deal with that sort of treatment. My DH use to do it to me but it quickly stopped when I explained how rude and annoying it was. He doesn't think about that sort of thing sometimes.