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a question for the 'main mom' stepmoms

14 years ago

I mentioned this as a side note in another post, but I could use some advise on how you deal with this type of situation.

I am the main mom, and a very involved mom. I have been since DH got custody while my SD was in kindergarten. My mother was this way, and that is the way I feel mothers should be. Unfortunately, SD's mom has never been involved past attendances at activities/conferences/etc. if SD is with her, and a few others here or there. I have always stepped up when she didn't and coached/presided/prepared, whatever. Mom is the Disneyland mom, and I am the one who makes her do homework before she goes to a friend's house.

So back to the problem. Recently (I'm thinking since mom had a new baby) SD has been on this mom can do little wrong kick, where normally she has quite a few concerns about her. When I suggested that maybe mom would like to coach next year she said "she can't, she's too busy because she works and has a baby." I replied that I work more hours than she does, and have had TWO babies while coaching/leading, etc. She continued to go on about how it's not her mom's fault she can't do it, it's all these things that apply to BOTH of us. I know part of the problem is she really wants me to coach again and is looking for a way to have that happen, but I think more of the problem (I came to this realization tonight) is that I think I am taken for granted. It is expected that I will be there for her. It is expected that I will fill the mom role. That in itself is fine, but it really gets to me when she then justifies her mom's lack of involement with all these lame excuses and believes it. I feel my temp rise that she can actually say mom is too busy with a baby and an EOW daughter when we got custody a 5 yr old and had a baby within a month and somehow I did all the extras.

I don't know what I am looking for. Recognition? I don't think so. SD does give me that, and I really don't think that's it. I guess I just need to understand how that woman can be so great for doing nothing and I can be criticized for not volunteering in her classroom this year . . . when mom hasn't done it in 4 years!!

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