New Stepson!!

24 years ago

My husband and I (married 5 years) just found out that he has a 12 year old son. The parents just contacted my husband because they told their son that the father he has known is not his biological father. My husband had no idea that he had a child with a girl he dated a short time. The boy wants to meet his biological father, however they do not want myself or our 1 year old daughter there. They do not want any financial claim on my husband the are just giving their son the chance to meet his biological father if he wanted to. They have set a meeting for next week. I have been very supportive of my husband and understand that this happened at a different time in his life. However, I am his support system and him going there by himself is unfair. I am an emotional reck and my husband does not want to tell anyone else about this until he meets him and see where it goes. I have no one to talk to as I have respected his wished but I am about to burst.

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Comments (5)

whazzup
24 years ago
I think it is fair for him to go by himself. No offense to you, but having to make the acquaintance of two new people might make the boy feel even more overwhelmed than he will most certainly already feel. I am sure that after your husband and his son have become better acquainted, you will be introduced. Best of luck to you and your family.
RosieL
24 years ago
I, too, feel that it would be overwhelming for the boy to have too many people present. It is a time when the two of them will have a chance to get to know one another and I'm sure the time will be limited anyways. Its a very personal thing. There may be other times for him to meet you.
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Jessarlyn
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Hello, I just want to let you know that a similar situation happened to us 2 1/2 years. ago. My husband found out that he had an 8 yo. daughter from a one-night stand when he had been a minor (the woman was NOT, which is why she never told anyone who knew my husband). It was very upsetting, especially b/c we DID have the financial obligation, and 3 children of our own. I think that maybe you should talk with your husband and I think that you should go to the meeting, but possibly not your baby. This child may, over time, have some feelings of jealousy, and your husband needs to make HIM the focus for right now. By the way, this sounds tacky, but you need to get a DNA test. It is not fair to bond this child to anyone, my stepdaughter thought that two different men were her father before my husband was tested, which was not good. If you would like to speak more about this, please feel free to email me.
qqqq
23 years ago
I think the first meeting should be between parent and child. In much the same way adopted children meet their biological parent for the first time. It is a very special and private moment.

I think that you have been WONDERFULLY supportive to your husband. The fact the you have put him and his needs ahead of your own speaks powerfully to the depth of your caring.

I know you must be feeling a million feelings. If there is to be any relationship at all between the father and son, there will be a time when you should absolutely be a part of it.

Take care.
buffy_durst
23 years ago
You definitly should NOT go to the meeting. WIth this boy meeting his father for the first time, there is going to be enough nervousness and pressure that he does not need the added anxiety of yu being there. If you go it is not "oh i am meeting my dad." In his head it may become "oh i am meeting my dad and this family that i dont want to be a part of at this time." At this age he doesnt know how to deal well with all this. I have been there. At 19 my biological dad contacted me. I chose not to meet him though. If you go you are not putting his best interest first you are only thinking of yourself. He needs to get to know his father before being shoved into a stepfamily situation which is hard enough if you have been there through the whole thing. Do not let jealously and harsh feeling cloud what you know is the right thing. to let them have their time. A bond needs to form between them first. If you are always there and dont let him get to know his father you are ruining a relationship that could mean alot to both father and son.

New Stepson!!

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whazzup

RosieL

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qqqq

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