I'm a little surprised that the grandparents wouldn't ASK what the kids need.

My mom took my DD back to school shopping last week. She specifically asked me before they left if there was anything that DD needs/doesn't need. I just told her the same thing you said--she has plenty of sundresses/shirts/shorts/capris for the first month of school, but that most of her fall/winter stuff from last year doesn't fit--so anything long-sleeved or pants would be great!

She then even called me from the shoe store to see what color would be best.

I don't think it's rude at all of you to just politely say "hey, Susie is fine on shirts but could really use some new jeans" or "Johnny has plenty of pants, but is low on shirts." I am sure the grandparents would rather purchase things the kids are actually going to wear.

Well judging by what they bought the kids last year I think that they shopped the summer clearance racks for the clothes. They got some great deals and the kids were able to wear the items for the first few weeks of school. But this time, they do not need summerish items so I would much rather they get wintery stuff. I just do not want us to come across as rude in suggesting that because the winter items are more costly than summer clearance.

I see where you are coming from. What about suggesting they could really use one or two good winter outfits - pants and a shirt? Then Gparents don't feel like they have to buy a lot of winter stuff and you don't end up a lot of summer stuff you don't need.

"I just do not want us to come across as rude in suggesting that because the winter items are more costly than summer clearance."

I see what you mean.

I think justnotmartha has a good suggestion.

My family is always trying to "help" and I so very much appreciate it. But, I finally had to stop letting them buy just whatever because it was a waste of their money and burying me in useless stuff. We had stuff everywhere. Now I usually just say well whatever you can find would be great but if you could keep an eye out for x item because they could really use it. I would really appreciate it. I usually get what I said. I think it makes there life easier as well.

I think it would be fine, unless they are really the sort that DO NOT like suggestions.

Think of Christmas - if they say "can you give me some ideas?" or "what do the kids have on their lists?" then go for it. If they would eat glass before asking that, then I'd say you should keep your mouth shut.

My mom is constantly buying things for my skids and my son who is still at home, and rarely asks me what I think of it. Its her way of feeling connected, since she lives several thousand miles away.

I tried making suggestions, but it really doesnt work. She does, what she does, and I smile and say thank you at this point, because you cant change people. I have tried.

I donate a lot of things that still have the tags on them, because they arent the kind of thing the kids will wear. She also purchases things for me, and for my husband that I will never wear or use, and they go in the charity bin as well.

When I get a chance, I try to steer conversations around to what we actually like, but in the long run, I cant make mom do what I want.

I think it would be rude to tell them you dont need the things they buy, but it certainly may be helpful to make comments such as....susie really needs some new jeans before she goes back to school......or, sally wears size ten shoes, isnt that amazing? i need to get her some loafers before class starts.

Just be prepared not to be offended if they buy what they want anyway.

I think if the grandparents were to be offended by you simply pointing in the general direction of where there's an actual need, then they're a bit too thin-skinned. It's not like you would be demanding a specific item, down to the color or brand. And you're not making a *demand* in the first place. If they really want to do a nice thing for their grandkids and make sure they have plenty of what they need, they should appreciate the heads-up.

Maybe a good idea would be to phrase it kind of like you & the grand-parents are 'in cohoots' (sp?) as the adults and the kids are the ones who are going to try and 'pull one over' on the grand-parents (in an innocent, kids-will-be-kids way, of course). Make it out like YOU'RE the one that keeps getting suckered into their preference for summer clothes but maybe ---just maybe--- grand-parents will be better at 'outsmarting' them. Make the procuring of warm clothing like a challenge or a game... not for the kids but for the grandparents!

Tell G-ma something in private like:
"Now, they're going to TELL you they need more shorts & capris... But between you & me, they've got plenty of those b/c that's what they think is cuter. What they really need are long pants & long-sleeved tops... if you can find some great-looking warmer stuff they'll actually like, you'll be their hero & mine!"

You might even want to directly address the issue of it being harder (at this time of year) to find the warmer clothes b/c all the stores are having sales on the summer clothes by making THAT another challenge: "I haven't had too much luck at finding much on sale lately that's designed for colder weather, but you're probably better at hunting it down because you know the best places to look..."

Appeal to their sense of wanting to be adored and wanting to be superior shoppers/providers. That doesn't make them bad people b/c they want that. So many grand-parents are like that because they want so badly to be a positive presence in the grand-kids' lives.

I always suggested to my parents what DD needed (because they often asked). If these are your parents, then of course it is not an issue. My exparents-in-law are not the issue either. they still ask what do I think would be the most appropriate for DD. I don't see it as rude or overstepping if i give suggestions.

ha, my X still asks what do i think is the best to buy for DD's birthdays. ha. last time he said he would love to buy her diamond earings. well, my reply was: you can do what you want, but you know it is going to be lost in week. ha.

whoever knows better what kids need (of any age) should politely say so. i see it as not a big deal whatsoever. just be polite about it.

Thanks for the advice. When grandparents come to pick up the kids we are just going to say something like

"The kids said that your taking them shopping for some school clothes. We really appreciate that. Just wanted to let you know that they are set on short sleeve shirts, capris, shorts, and summer dresses/skirts. They could really use some wintery clothing, we have not had a chance to buy much of that type of clothing yet."