Linda, I certainly hate to hear about your accident. I hope you feel better soon, I'd suggest you check with your PCP Monday, though. Here is what I learned from my accident (almost a year ago to the day) and hope it helps: If there is a chance in he$$ the lady has anything, try to recreate the accident on paper now with great detail and see if there are any witnesses and talk to them and get their statement now and get all of their contact info. (I was unable to do this for about a month, which was way too long.) I had PIP on my car insurance policy. This has paid for some of my lost wages...I think it was 80 or 60% per month, not alot with a limit of $2,500, but certainly enough to make a dent. It would also pay to have someone help me with my day-to-day chores, which I didn't use, as I had enough work loss to cover the $2,500. I also had med pay on my car, not supposed to have both said insurance agent, but I did and they are picking up some of the med bills my insurance company didn't pay. The limit was $25,000.00 and this has helped. The truck driver and his company had insurance, but it is now a he said/she said. I was furious the first couple of months after the accident at the truck driver and his company, but once I let go of that I got better. I hired a law firm on contingency, but doubtful I'll ever recover anything, but you never know, so you might talk with an attorney on a contingency basis only. Take care and let us know how you are doing. Brenda

Hello Fay-Lisa, You've been through so much, you should get a medal for staying as strong as you have and being able to maintain your job and relationship. You are absolutely NOT insane or anything close to it. Many people have that moment in life (or several) in which they feel like they have *had* it. They may not use markers to vent their frustration/anger/anxiety/depression but they do all kinds of other things -- eat too much, drink too much, have affairs, spend too much, leave their families, withdraw completely and so on. First things first, you are doing the right thing by getting all the physical tests out of the way. My first thought after reading everything you've been through is that you might need to see an endocrinologist to have your thyroid and hormone levels thoroughly checked (forgive me if you said you have already done then). If all the tests turn out to be in the normal range, then it's time to consider other possibilities. You may have some kind of chemical imbalance which might be helped with the right kind of medication. This process is most definitely trial and error, and I certainly understand your frustration with the various medications and their respective side effects. I don't like taking them either, but they do have their place as part of an overall approach to tackling and managing symptoms. One suggestion I have is for you to find a *good* therapist -- someone who is very experienced and has training in working with people who may have emotional damage from childhood. You mentioned in your post some unkind things your mother said to you when you were young. I imagine there's a lot more where that came from. Was there alcoholism in your family of origin? Are there others in the family or extended family who have struggled with mental health issues? One psychiatrist I consulted with asked me what kinds of mental health issues there were in my family (I, too, was struggling with terrible depression and panic attacks/anxiety). When I told him there were family members with bi-polar, extreme anxiety, schizophrenia, alcoholism and chronic depression, he said, "well, what did you expect?" The truth is most families have members who cope with these illnesses. A psychologist said that each of us has a collection of genes that contribute to our personalities and temperaments. We just have to work on doing the best with what we've got. You sound like a very self aware, strong person. Please please please do not be so hard on yourself. I am an easy going, peaceful person usually-- but when I have gone through difficult times in my life the anxiety and depression caused me to behave in ways I'm not proud of -- angry, irritated, crying, throwing things, hiding, having major panic attacks where I felt outside of my own body. That's called disassociation and it can happen when anxiety and depression go on for too long without proper treatment. In addition to all this, there is the real possibility that you are now in perimenopause and many of your current symptoms may have been caused or made worse by it. I think I've had every symptom in the "34 symptoms of menopause" list." I've always dealt with anxiety and depression, but this was so deep and dark -- I'm thankful to God that I finally found a competent therapist, the right medication and inner strength to choose to believe in myself and stop condemning myself. This is a choice you can make too and I hope you will. It sounds like you're a caring, compassion, intelligent and very sensitive person. Those are gifts worth celebrating!! It's so easy to slip into that groove of basing your self worth on your job. I'm a decade older than you, and I'm here to tell you, the quality, richness and success of your life is not about what you do to earn money to support yourself. It's about your relationships and your experiences. What do you do to relax and have fun? Fulfilling life experiences don't have to cost a lot of money. You don't have to have a lot of friends, but you do need a support system you can turn to for a listening ear and encouragement. There are many ways you can cultivate loyal, kind and supportive friends. You deserve to have people in your life in addition to your wonderful boyfriend who care about you and will treat you like the amazing person you are. Life goes by so quickly. Take each day as it comes and don't worry so much about the future. As the saying goes, we only live 24 hours at a time. And if I'm having a really bad spell, I take it about an hour at a time : ) Be good to yourself. You might find yoga relaxing or some other kind of exercise class. You might also find a support group beneficial -- it's always comforting to know you're in good company when it comes to dealing with life's difficulties. Think about what makes you the happiest and resolve to pursue these things. Don't ever let anyone make you feel "less than" about anything -- whether it's your job, appearance, hobbies, friends -- all these belong to *you* and if someone doesn't have something supportive or helpful to say to you, tune it out!!! It took me years to learn how to do this, but I am happy to say, it can be done!! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. I am interested in finding out what the test results will show. But no matter what, cherish yourself and look for the positive things that happen each day -- even the smallest good things matter. God bless you and good luck with your appointments next week!!

Ashley, Thank you. I need all the prayers I can get right now. My DIL is too much.. like having a room full of crazy BM's! I am wondering if she has multiple personalities. On Saturday, she accused me of wanting to take DGS so I can have a baby of my own... and when I point blank asked her if she wants him back full time, she said no. She says she can't have a baby full time "at this point" in her life. I mean she flipped from me stealing the baby to saying she can't possibly handle him full time. I was at work and while I was with a customer, she walked out taking DGS with her. By the agreement, she is supposed to have Saturday & Sunday. Well, Sunday she didn't call or bring him back. On Monday, I talked to my son and he told me what she said to him... everything was twisted. He is upset & does not need to be bothered with worrying about this. He has a job to do over there, he should not have to have her telling him to tell me anything. She can tell me herself, but she tells him & he is frustrated because he is over there and can't do anything. So, Tuesday she calls my daughter to ask for diapers. My daughter takes her diapers & DGS had been taken back to the doctor. I called the doctor's office & was told DGS has an ear infection, but is otherwise okay. So, Tuesday evening, I ask her if she is going to stick to the agreement... she says no, he is staying with her. So, I tell her that I still want a drug test & I had talked to my attorney about guardianship. She told me to bring it on and she would pass a drug test. I told her if she takes a drug test and passes, I will drop everything and she can keep DGS full time. (lol, even though she ranted for ten minutes on Saturday on how that was impossible!) She didn't answer me. Then today (Wed) she sent me a text at 5pm, telling me my son wanted us to talk. (my son told me on Monday that he told her to have a talk with me) but I did not write back. Less than an hour later, she called me at work & said she had DGS outside & I need to get him. I wasn't shocked but I was in the middle of working... it's a very busy weekend coming up & normally I leave work at 5, it was 6 & I had planned to stay til about 8. I hesitated and she says "well you do want him don't you.. this is what you want, right?" And, I could not say no to taking him. She said she was going to go ahead & stick to our prior agreement. I went outside & there he was... dried boogers on his face, gunk dried on his eye, his little eyes were red and he looked pathetic. She handed him to me without a word & huffed back to her car. She was visibly angry, like I just forced her to give up her child. I took him inside & then noticed he had a fever. I called her and asked when he had last taken medicine. In a very friendly tone, tells me oops I forgot to give you his medicine, I'll be right there. She came inside & this time (mind you, this was about fifteen minutes after she huffed off) she was being sweet & bubbly.. like we were besties. She said she took a video of him taking a few steps and she couldn't wait to show me but she forgot it at home. It was WEIRD. Like a totally different person. So, I cleaned up and brought DGS home, gave him fever reducer & a bottle. He took a nap and woke up in the evening... we played, he ate, and he went back to sleep. I may finally sleep easier knowing he is here. But, I know she only did this because she wanted to go somewhere tonight. I have to take it one day at a time, because the next time I see or hear from her, I don't know what I'll get.

I've been paying roughly $1000-$1200/month for myself since my husband's retirement over ten years ago. That does not include kids. We covered them on student health plans, which turned out to be cheaper in sum. I can give you a couple of tips: Don't bother with the Federal Health Exchange site unless you will qualify for a supplement of some kind. It's not a terrible site, but you'll have to do everything yourself. You are better off contacting a local insurance broker (I found mine on NextDoor). It may end being a very simple decision because in many markets there is only one company that sells to non-group members. So I can buy a gold, silver or bronze plan, but only from Community Health Choice (Houston suburb). My plan offers a 10% discount for completing an annual survey. I'd had the same plan the year before but never knew about that discount until the agent told me -so ask about that. Try not to panic when you read the crazy deductibles. I think mine is $5000 (whereas ten years ago, it was probably $500), but so much preventative care is now covered pre-deductible, thanks to Obama care, that I think I'm spending less out-of-pocket than I did before. But I'm a pretty healthy person who doesn't use a lot of medical services except preventative, so your mileage may vary... When I first began to buy my own insurance plans (after DH's retirement), I made the mistake of picking the plan first, rather than the doctor. The last few years (when I had a choice of at least 2 companies to choose from), I compiled a list of at least a dozen primary physicians I could abide, and then called their offices to see if they were accepting new patients, when I would be able to get an appointment, and whether they had any plans to cancel coverage with insurance company X the next year, etc. I had learned the hard way (in January), that I may have had a great plan, but I couldn't find a dr. on that plan who would see me as a new patient before August. I kid you not.....So that year, I was paying $1200/month and actually didn't have a dr. I could see until August.....