So you're asking if you should tell the step kids you'll be out of town if it's not your weekend to have them anyway? The downside being you think their mother might come into your house while you're gone?

Whatever you do - Just DON'T tell the kids you're going and inform them that their mother is NOT to set foot into your house while you're gone. My Ex did that once, my son told me about it, and I was never so insulted in my life! I'd have never gone into his house uninvited anyway, and to put my son in the position of hearing it, then telling me... In essense, Ex told our son that I was not trustworthy and ethical, and that was the one thing I had always prided myself on being. It took me a long time to forgive that one, since I had never done anything to justify that type of suspicion.

You may just want to get a house-sitter that weekend, or temporarily change your alarm code. Just don't put the kids into an awkward position.

Yes, i would charge her with breaking and entering. i will get a baby sitter for the house. The one thing i cannot stand is even i we dont tell my husband slips up or he'll tell them later in such a way to make me look sh*t.
I've been having alot of problems lately with my husband. I see alot of old behaviour on his part from his previous marriage. I dont like it. I've asked him for family counseling . He refused.
It doesn't help ive started swearing at him which is totally disrespectful on my end. But i'm so frustrated with everything. Ever since the baby has been born, he just does nothing to help. And last night he attacked my motherhood. Last weekend he read my diary which i still have not forgiven him. He just keeps pushing andi'm building alot of resentment. I've done so much for his kids and him. I've gotten him out of debt and he has put himself a bit into debt again with a credit card. Not much but it doesnt help that he doesnt' pay the minimum balance. He acts like such a little kid.
Sorry i have to vent this morning. He pist me off 4am today. I was up for over an hour with the baby and he's tellnig me to just leave him cry. My son was crying for over 15 minutes straight. Then my husband went to him for 3 minutes!!! puts him back in bed, of course he starts to wail. Then he turns on the lights in his bedroom and turns to me and says he is freezing why haven't you put a blanket on him? Where are the blankets? Meanwhile, there are 2 staring at him in his face but you see he walks away and goes to bed. So i go and have to take care of my son, who is not freezing just wants comfort cause he's teething. I screamed out he's a lazy SOB and too f**** lazy to even comfort his son.
Sorry..just reallly need to vent this morning. I just cant' believe him! I slept in his daughters room the rest of the morning.
woooooooooohhhhhh...
No i dont trust his ex . Especially her new boyfriend. He looks the type to steal.

I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want them in your home -- perfectly normal. (Especially if Ex's BF is sleazy-looking.) I had no trouble understanding why my Ex wouldn't want me in his home either - that's a no-brainer. Just don't make the kids either the messengers or the enforcers.

Sorry about your stresses with your husband and new baby. There's a reason new babies are so cute -- if they weren't, we'd never put up with all of their unreasonable and selfish demands! Sounds like you need to have a nice long (calm) talk with your husband about parenting the newest addition and agree on some ground rules you both can live with.

Organic Maria.

Forgive my ignorance but I'm missing something. I'm assuming that the kids are old enough to be left by themselves in your home during alloted visitation days, and you may go on trips when they are visiting and decide to not take them... and leave them at the home while oyur away, after which the x-wife comes by when you and your DH are not there and enters your home???

You see...

# 1: I do not feel you need to tell the kids, or anyone else for that matter other than a close friend or nieghbor where you are going (so they may watch for your return and over your home as a courtesy). It simply is no one's business.

# 2: If your children are not at home when the x-wife appears and comes into your home, does she have a key and prior permission to do this? If not, it is breaking and entering. Have her arrested or a restraining order issued. If you and your DH do nothing about this inappropraite behavior, it teaches the children that disrespect of other peoples property will be tolerated.

# 3: If the children are not scheduled to visit you, you nor your DH "owe" them (children or x-wife), or anyone else any kind of explanation what-so-ever. Unless, your DH is concerned something may happen to his kids when he is away with you, and wants to keep the x-wife abreast of his contact information.

$ 3: However, there are other alternatives.. leave a voice mail answer message on your home phone stating something like... "you have reached ###-###-#### we are not available right now. If this is an emergency you may contact ###-#### and we will return your call immediatly. You can use a cell phone #, a friend's #, a family member's #, or a trusted nieghbor's #, to forward the home calls to. However, using nieghbors for forwarding may not be a good idea as some people are not aware of what really constitutes an emergency and they may be bombarded with annoying calls. Best to get a cell phone with caller I.D. then you and your DH can screen the calls. Or simply forward all home calls to the cellular number directly.

In any case, no one needs to be entering your home for any reason unless you have made prior arrangments for this to happen for whatever reasons. if oyur DH's children are not not scheduled to be there... I don't see a problem. If they are then your DH needs to make arrangments to have the vistion period swapped out for another time (trade off).

I'm simply stomped as to why this would be happening in the first place. - Ranay

Ranay,

I dont think i was clear. Sorry. The ex has full custody of the kids. We get them EOW. She certainly does not have keys to the house. And when we do get a house i will install an alarm system which i've told my husband he will NOT give this number to his daughter. I don't want my husband ex and her sleezy new boyfriend cause they are both pot heads. Not that we can prove this but we know they are. Either way. She knows i'm financially secure and is jealous beyond belief. She always tells the kids that i'm rich. The kids tellme that and i laugh. I've told them i'm not filthy rich, i work very hard for my money and if your mother wants to save tell her to stop smoking and her other activities as well. (kids dont know she's a pot head but i think my sd has caught on and even caught once in her mothers bedroom)
I've always had that strange feeling that whenever we go away her and her boyfriend may try to break in and vandalize steel whatever our home. (she knows the majority of the things are mine when i came into her exhusbands life. She took him for all he had by guilt. )
So yes , it would be breaking in entry. My issue is the kids tell her everything and i don't want what i do when the kids are not here for visits to be telecasted to her ears. I want my privacy.
So i told my husband in the near futur for trips that they will not be involved, i would like him to shut his trap about it to his daughter. At first he was taken aback and now he is starting to see the light. We are going on a trip next spring for a baptism. If it falls on a weekend the kids are not here, i told him we are not going to tell the kids we left for ontario. Simple as that. i just wanted to know if i was wrong in doing so cause i'm very upfront with my sk. ITs just i dont want their mothering knowing my vacation plans.