I dont have any advice for you,but all I can say is how unsanitary and the is just down right disgusting.I certainly dont blame and would not want to eat there either.Can you possibly say you ahve developed any allergy to cats,but you would be happy to meet her at a restaurant?

Shelley

eww, I don't know either but that sounds gross. You know those cats scratch in a poopy litter box, doesn't she?

I don't think there is any way to tell her without really offending her. If she's your best friend, maybe you should let it go. Perhaps you could offer to help her cook and then clean off the counters and so forth. I understand your feelings, but a good friend is very special.

Moni- that's a tough one. Does she ask you very often? If you've already been there for meals that makes it even more difficult. You don't want to offend her, I think I'd try Shelley's suggestion and offer to meet her at a restaurant. But if she really pushes to have you over you might be forced to say something. Perhaps you could just say that you're not comfortable eating with the cats around and then change the topic and hope for the best.

The cat allergy excuse is pretty good but, that means you wouldn't be able to go to her house at all. You can't just be allergic when invited to dine and not be allergic other times.

If she's a good friend she will understand and if not, oh, well.

That's all I can come up with. Maybe someone else has a better solution.

Just let her know this has always bothered you, but to keep her friendship, you've just been dealing with it; however, you no longer can. Then talk about options...like eating out or have her over to your place instead.

Good luck with that. :)

I had the same problem with a neighbor except she didn't have a cat, just a dog.... and she was just downright nasty... dirty. She didn't own a broom or mop and would only "spot clean" as necessary. Her bathrooms stunk of old pee, too. She has 4 kids. They live 2 doors down and our daughters are best friends. After many lunch and dinner invitations, I was plain honest and bombarded her with the truth. At the time, she had a stick of butter on her kitchen counter which, I knew, had been sitting out for 2 days. I pointed that out. I also pointed to the area where her dog had had her puppies 2 wks. before and where the area had never been cleaned. You could still see bloody stains on the hardwood floor. I also told her it was the reason my DD was not allowed to sleep over her house. I couldn't stand the lack of hygiene. I HAD to say something because they weren't moving away and neither were we. I didn't want her to keep asking and I didn't want her DD to keep inviting mine for a sleepover. It was just not going to happen. How did she take it? She wasn't surprised. She knew I was telling the truth. We remain neighbors and are friendly and our DD's still hangout together. Nothing changed except for the constant invitations... My advice is be honest. Most people already know the truth. She made this comment at one time during our conversation... "Well, no wonder noone eats the food I bring to potlucks!".

IMHO-Honesty is best. Tell her gently.

Oh Moni, that's a tough one. If it were someone you don't see often, I don't think I'd say anything, but best friend? I think I'd be casual and frank; "Best friend, Love you, love your pets, but I just cannot eat with the kitties in the kitchen and the fur everywhere - let's go grab lunch at ________."
Good luck. I hope she appreciates honesty.

Gardenspice's answer sounds great, it has just the right touch which hopefully won't cause any lasting issues. Let us know what happens.

I'm really bothered when people advise people to lie. Especially to "friends". What kind of friend would you consider someone who constantly lied to you? You can be tactful and honest. Sometimes it's best to just be blunt. Sugarcoating isn't always good. Sometimes they need help. Maybe you could offer some help. Maybe there's physical limitations that cause trouble. I know things here have gone downhill since my injuries and I can't afford a housekeeper. I have much more respect for people who tell me the truth, even if it's something I don't want to hear, than I do for people who lie to me. This isn't a white lie, this is a hurtful lie that shouldn't go on. Sometimes the truth hurts. And then there's the question, are they actually a friend if they can't handle the truth?

I often wonder when people start lying to friends how far it'll go. People know my standard lines when things might not be the answer they want to hear when I say "don't ask me a question you don't want the answer" or "are you SURE you want me to answer that??"

I'd go with a more honest and straightforward approach, and see if being helpful would be a benefit. Isn't that what a friend would do?

YUK, I don't know...

The cat allergy thing sounds like a good idea. I can't imagine that with that much hair, it's not bothering your sinuses at least a little anyway. You could just tell her you get all stuffed up when you visit her house. If that fails, you could always resort to the truth. I'm not sure I'd start with the truth though.

It seems like honesty is the best policy, but when these are her cats and I'm guessing her "family", and she probably can't or won't change anything, I'm not sure how it would help. It would probably only be taken as an insult. It's like a husband telling his wife she's gaining weight and is fat... it's may be true and honest, but it probably doesn't need to be said.

You know your relationship and what can and will work and how many times she invites you for what. I'd side step the issue, but try to drop somes hints or jokes about the cat stuff from time to time. Pick the hair from her sweater and say "Gosh, I don't know how you live with all that hair - doesn't it get in thte food", etc... She may get the message without you having to be so direct.

Well, she knows I take extra allergy meds before going there. So, the allergy thing has been talked about.

But, we have the opportunity to go on a garden tour. We (4 of us) all want to do this together, plus one of the four has her birthday that day.

Usually we go out on our birthdays. But with the garden tour, it will be tricky to pull of time wise.

Two of the four have their gardens on the tour, and the cat person has offered to make sandwiches afterwards.

Honestly, the rest of us really are bothered by the hair thing, but none of us know how to go about it.

I just emailed all, that I think no one should have to do the prep and clean up and all, and we should order in, and enjoy the garden and eat out there.

This might work this time. There really isn't much of an option of us eating there at other times, cause we usually all agree on going out.

I am going to wait till later this week, and see, how the garden tour scheduling goes, before getting firm on the NOT eat food prepped at your house. ;)

Somehow, I will manage it I guess.

Thanks for all the feedback.

Moni

I have 2 cats and a dog and even I am grossed out about that. LOL I wouldn't even let my dog or cat lick one of my dinner plates clean like my friends do with their animals. Dog and cats have their own dishes. LOL I don't know what goes on in my house when I am not home but when I am home a cat wouldn't even get near my kitchen counters or table. LOL

When you have animals no matter how clean you are the inevitable cat or dog hair will end up in your food or on your plate at some point. I always make a point of changing my top when cooking and put my own hair in a pony tail and wiping everything down first. Cat hair just seems to float through the air. LOL

If you don't want to tell her the truth I would go with the allergy bit or when you first arrive mention that you have an upset tummy so later when the food is brought out you can easily abstain from eating because you want to continue on with the tour without having to be near a washroom at all times. No one would ever be the wiser and we all come down with that affliction now and then. LOL

Anne

I was at one of my sons friend's home when the mother was making spaghetti. She left the room for something, when I looked up the German Shepard was eating out of the pasta pan, she came back about the same time and pushed the dog away and used the pasta anyway.

About the cats, there must be Ecoli all over everything in her kitchen. I was watching, the English dog trainer who marked all of the spots she found ecoli in the dog owner's kitchen. She asked if they were sick often, the man said he was. Yuck!

Wouldn't bother me,heck when I had horses,we used to eat in the barn with them.Take a lunch and stay all day.I was single then though....

Hi again Moni,

I imagine that, since you have trouble with allergies when you visit her, you don't have a cat. Some who have trouble with allergies as a result of being near cats have no trouble with dogs - my daughter is like that.

If you have a dog, you could refer to your dog being confined to the floor, but that her cats have much more roaming room.

You could suggest that you don't allow the dog to "kiss" you ... for when s/he gets near other dogs ... you know where the nose has been! I don't sniff dogs' rears ... or even one dog's rear, for that matter ... and I don't "kiss" a dog that's inclined to have his/her nose do so ... or allow them to "kiss" me.

Actually, lacking some Prohibition ... many dogs like to be in the likker business! And if they don't consort with other dogs ... show me the dog that isn't inclined to lick his/her rear end a times? And then lick my face? Not bloody likely!

Cats are inclined to similar habits, are they not? That's a poor argument, though ... for the cat isn't offering to lick your face.

Also, I think that I'd refer to your having visualized the cat having recently visited the litter box, accompanied with some pawing when the business is completed ... and that it troubles you to think of the cat's feet then patrolling the kitchen counters.

She'd be discombobulated, no doubt, if you lifted a scoop or two from the litter box and deposited it on her counter ... and the difference is one of level/quantity. not a difference in kind, it seems to me.

I think that it may help if you can have some responses back and forth between you as you proceed, with her having had some input, even though she doesn't feel comfortable with agreeing with you all along the journey.

Does your husband know her well?

How about doing role plays of what you'll say, with him making the replies that you both figure that she might make, then trying another tack, and critiquing it afterward?

Good luck in being able to get the message across diplomatically ... without having it inflict major tears in the tapestry of your friendship.

ole joyful

Well, I guess you are opening my eyes somewhat. I have 3 cats and 2 get on the counter. I have repeatedly tried to keep them off with no real success.
But I clean my counters both before and after I cook. And keep them off when preparing food. They jump up, I put them down, wash my hands, repeat about 6 times...
My friend and I joke that at our houses - dog or cat hair could be part of the food pyramid! LOL

But as to your problem I think a direct approach may be best. It can be a serious health issue. I had a friend that became deathly ill. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks. It was determined she had some kind of infection that was traced to fecal matter. They had a dog and a newborn baby. Never did figure it out beyond that.
Having cats walk on your counter can be as bad or worse as leaving raw meat/juice dry on the counter.

Two things I have found SOOO valuable when it comes to hair. One is the Furminator. It combs out so much hair it is unbelievable! The other weapon is my Dyson.

Good Luck.