So happy for you judithn...took me back to when my kids were in college in our city, but living on campus. Sounds like a great conversation, and something she needed to hear, and you were able to do it in such a way that she really listened, and matured enough to apologize. You obviously have a great daughter, there, and now you have practice for when your son leaves home...heh heh!! We Moms have to support one another...our kids are in their early 40's, so a lot of this type of thing is behind us, but there are always things to work out. We do have very thoughtful children now...they just weren't so much at your daughter's age!!

We went thru something similar. DH and I have been together 7 years, married 6. When we first started dating BM tried to manipulate me any way she could. She apparently didn't realize that I knew that she and DH had been divorced for 6 years at that point. I tried to remain cordial with her even though some of the things I saw and heard from SD made my skin crawl. I saw bruises on SD and she ALWAYS had an excuse. DH and BM had joint custody, with BM having physical custody and DH having liberal vistitation. She controlled EVERYTHING......she even denied him to right to see his daughter on multiple occaisions. Now, when I started dating DH BM had just moved back into the area after being mentally committed for the 2nd time (suicide threat again). DH had gotten emergency custody from the court and BM's hubby had gotten custody of their children. DH was single and did not believe that he could give SD what she needed so when BM came back crying that she had changed, blah, blah, blah he believed her and let SD go back (I think due to the fact that he trusted BM's hubby to keep her straight). We watched BM spiral down the hole yet again over the next 3 years. DH kept saying "don't do anything yet - it's just a matter of time". Even when SD was missing school to take care of her siblings because BM was out partying all night DH said not to do anything. We both knew something big was about to happen - we KNOW her cycles. He wanted to make sure that when something happened, it would make the court stand up and take notice. Finally, 3 years later we got a phone call from BM's hubby. He was kicking her out and wanted us to know so we didn't bring SD back there (we had her for summer vacation and it was the day we were supposed to take her back to BM). I was on one phone, DH was on the other phone and DH told BM's DH that he was done playing games and he was going to court the next day. We get a phone call later in the day from BM's DH saying they just had her committed because she "threatened suicide" again and that she could be released in a few hours according to the cops (depending on what happened at the hospital). I immediately called my mom, had her drive 50 miles 1 way and pick up SD, just in case BM decided to pay us a visit. BM had no clue where my parents live and I knew she would be safe because my father would be home with her and would never let BM near SD. We called DH's mom and step-dad and had them come over so we could figure out what to do. We decided to go to court and the next day we went to my parents and picked up SD. We explained that BM was sick and that SD was going to live with us for a while. Well, 1st mistake was not telling SD the truth because she found out from one of her friends about 2 days later and HATED us. She was 12, we were trying to do what was right. About 4 weeks later BM was awarded supervised visitation and DH and I were appointed the "supervisors" by the court. Oh boy was that fun - NOT! The first thing BM did was walk in to McDonalds and take SD outside. So we went back to court. BM was ordered to attend visitation at the mall in the food court. Again, we were named supervisors. Every Saturday we got to go to the mall and spend 3 hours sitting in the food court waiting for BM, who was supposed to be sitting in the food court with SD but would take her to stores in the mall to hide out from us so she could mentally body-slam SD. I think she brought SD's siblings 3 times in 3 months so she could see them. DH just kept saying "let her do it, she's just hurting herself". Finally the trial started. It was UGLY. I have never seen anything like it in my life. The judge ordered that BM could now have unsupervised visitation based on a letter from BM's dr. Stipulations were a specific pickup place and times, not to leave the county and phone contact with DH while SD was there. Of course, when it was time for DH to call SD, he was told "she wasn't there" or "she was busy". We waited 4 months for the court's decision. Finally, Father's Day weekend it came. DH was awarded full custody. Then it was back to court again for the visitation agreement. The judge stated in the custody order that DH was too "rigid" with BM so we made the agreement liberal, but specific. She played games with that as well. We just kept getting the proof we needed. 3 months later I got a phone call at work saying BM was in her front yard with a .22 threatening to shoot a "friend" of hers. I called DH and let him know. He went to court and filed to have supervised visitation reinstated. A week later she went to DH's work and told him a fabricated story about being raped (she had no clue that the day before her neighbors had called me at work yet again and told me that 3 of her "friends" were at her house beating her up in the front yard). By the end of the week DSS was knocking on her door, they had been tipped off by someone. 4 days later she left the state with her 2 youngest in tow. 3 weeks after that BM's DH left the state to meet her with their 2 oldest. Again, back to court for a new visitation agreement. She's done nothing but play games with the new agreement. Booking SD's flights without the court ordered accompanied minor fee paid (we won't put SD on the plane), moving and not keeping us apprised of her address and phone number (she gave us the address of the post office as her address and got mad when we refused to let SD visit without her ACTUAL address), not calling when she is ordered (calling when she knows SD won't be home). SD is now 15. Last summer SD went for her "28 day" visit. DH let her go 2 days early so she could go to a concert she wanted to see. DH got a phone call from SD about 13 days into her visit telling him she was in an airport (she didn't know where) and he needed to pick her up at a certain time. He picked her up and asked why she was home already. She said she told BM she wanted to come home and BM sent her home. No phone call to DH or anything, just put her on a plane (no unaccompanied minor airfare again) and shipped her home. Later it came out that Bm had been smoking pot constantly around SD, gave SD a joint and a 6 pack for her 15th birthday and SD wanted to come home. We also found out that BM had taken SD and 2 of her friends to get tattooed. 14 yo girls and she got them tattooed! DH went back to court. BM didn't show. Visitation is SUSPENDED! BM claims she never received the notice of the hearing, she has split from her DH and has 3 of the kids with her - god knows where. She calls SD constantly and is currently working on trying to get info on us to go back to court to get visitation back. She doesn't want to come back here because she thinks we will have her arrested for child endangerment, which we will. She's trying to buy SD off and keeps using her siblings to make her feel bad. The woman is just evil and won't give up.

we actually went out yesterday evening to gander mtn for DH for gun stuff. he hates shopping but couldn't pass up their deals lol. today was cold for me, 73 and cloudy and gloomy, not conducive to shopping for me but i did get out to target, lowes and borders. got a bunch of stuff (thou nothing for gifts lol) including some 1000 thread ct sheets for only $60 on the set, even their reg price at $120 is a steal for that tread ct. got a bunch of christmas music CD's, my splurge since we find music for free online. i already bought stuff online yesterday and dh is taken care of already, an antique rifle we got last month. i didn't get up at the crack of dawn, there are no stores outside of NYC or chicago i do that for LOL esp not if the temp is under 80, those places don't do sales anyways lol. i thought the shopping traffic and the stores were really not busy, i was very surprised. i thought for sure by 9am all the things i wanted to pick up would be gone but the only thing i missed out on was a rubbermaid wreath storage box at lowes for $5. i'm ordering all my gift things online so my shopping in stores is pretty much done unless i find more good deals. we pretty much have all we want or need so there's not much to tempt me out there which makes shooping days like today kinda boring lol, i wish i needed some of those things just to shop LOL ~ liz

Hi, Adam: Hey, it comes through that you are struggling with what's going on with your parents (dad and stepmom, I think). It is hard to do sometimes, but it's OK to scroll on past unhelpful posts - AND not all shared here has been about your marriage status. Also, I am honestly confused about the topic of babysitting ---- maybe for some here having kids picked up at school by 'non parental units' equates to baby sitting while for you and others (and you) it equates to visits. I think that distinction doesn't have to be important. And agree with you that these two issues are clouding things and keeping the people from reading carefully (I do see posts that refer to your two as boys, etc.) I am just one voice. Your work to build / keep the 6 of you a strong family is important - so very important. You are right on that. And not unusual - friends have a daughter whose significant other has two kids from a previous relationship and the couple now have two of their own. These friends (the grandparents) do treat all the kids as family and have fun together and help out as much as possible. I thinkit odd for a grandparent to exclude siblings of their grandkids. A lot of grandparents do work at the relationship. Others don't. I never had a relationship with my grandparents - spent a lot of time at their house, but it was all during big events. Us kids were enjoyed, but at a long arm's length. Don't ever recall a gift from them. No trips to bowling alleys, out for ice cream, and so forth. I do think I did help with picking blueberries from their hybrids (big bushes). I find it odd that your father did that awkward thing about sharing a motel. (It would have made so much more sense for him to make that a 'boys get together'.) I find it odd that your dad wants time only with your daughters. But I suggest including your parents in family events - formal and informal - and often. But on your terms -- and you should be with them during visits now so there's total confidence on your GF's part that her boys are being well treated. I hope I've helped -- just ask if I seem to have muddled things a bit. Being a grandparent is a gift to me. My kids may owe me, but they don't owe me grandkids. My grandkids - it's all about them.