Legitamate concerns. Insist on seeing the lawyer together and drawing up the wills TOGETHER... don't wait another yr a lot can happen between now and then. OF course if you have a DH like mine it could be very difficult, my DH refuses to address wills and such, so I have a life ins policy, but if something happens to him (God forbid) I culd care less if his kids took this house and would probably suggest they do, as it's practically theirs anyhow and I haven't felt at home here in years.

Keep you money in a seperate account. Are you working outside of the home?

Scary situation, so if your DH dies, everything goes to the grown children and nothing to his younger kids or wife?
If he refuses to address this then just get a really good lif ins policy naming you as the sole benificiary, that way if something happens you know yo & your kids will be ok.

If you are in the province of Ontario, if your husband dies, the home you are in is automatically yours, even if he dies and leaves it to someone else in a will. Even if he owned it before he married you. There are extra provisions in Ontario family law that protect the "Matrimonial home" as exempt from all other property, and have different rules for it.

If he wont name you as beneficiary, or he wont get a life insurance policy in your name, there isnt much you can do about it. I know you already know this, but it would have been good to discuss this BEFORE you married him.

If you are not working, or making much less than he is, it would be in his best financial interest to put his RRSP funds into a spousal plan, for tax purposes. Maybe his financial planner can talk some sense into him.

BTW, the same matrimonal home laws apply if you divorce. Even if he owned the home before he married you, its half yours once you marry, if you are in ontario. I dont know how the other provinces handle it.

In the US one can revise a will. A current will neeeds nothing -- anyone can write a new one.

My Grandma is in a similar situation and has been for the past 52 years....
She has no idea how much money they have in the bank, in fact she has had no idea how much money they make per year.He gives her a blank tax return to sign, refuses to let her see the numbers.....
She recently found out that some of their property has natural gas on it, the gas guy showed up to talk business and he told her to leave the room and go play solitare....
She really has no clue what she owns how much she has or anything..It will be one big mess when my grandpa dies, I am sure there will be many accounts that just go unfound....She tolerates this because she was raised to stay married at all costs..she is now in her 70's and simply miserable......
I would give this guy an ultimatum..either you are a partnership and aware of each others finances or your not....I can tell you that my grandmas wishes she had left a long time ago...........and I know there is no way in this world I could tolerate it....

My guess is that his brother is concerned about being executor because he feels there are inequities he will have to contend with.

Thanks - my concern is the lieing to me. I am not sure what to believe anymore. I am the same at cat - I do not feel like this is my home and that we have nothing together so give it all to your kids. I am here to cook, clean and be at your mercy and not to expect anything from him - Yes, that sounds like my life.
Oh - what have I got myself into!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

At the very minimum, he sounds like he needs to be in control. How long have you been married? Do you work outside the home?

We have been together for 12 years - married for 2 years (on Sept 2). Yes, I do work outside the home - gave up an excellent paying job (due to stress) at the recommendation of DH and accepted a lower paying (more time off job) and now am regretting it. Yes, I do believe my DH is very controlling. I honestly think I have gone from a self supporting, high self esteem, happy individual to one that is not sure about anything anymore. Why didn't I listen to that little voice in my head 2 years ago when the problems started?????

" I honestly think I have gone from a self supporting, high self esteem, happy individual to one that is not sure about anything anymore."

The good news is that you can go back. You are older and wiser now, and have the benefit of hindsight. You won't make that same mistake again.

Some men do try to control their wives through financial strangle-holds (my Ex did - and even admitted it!), and the first step to ending the control is to regain your financial independence. Since he's not guaranteeing to provide for you financially, you have every right and every reason to take care of yourself.

I agree with Sweeby, I would start looking at better paying jobs and start socking some money away in your own bank account. It will keep you independant and you will know you'll have your own money to contribte and spend on what you want as you see fit, you will not be beholden to ask him for money.

I totally hate that too and have been into that position for the past month and a half, went to work last night for the first time in 1 month and my knee started hurting after 6 hours but I took a pain pill was careful and got through it. It felt so good to earn my own money again! I'll take today off & work tomorrow.

I feel like when I ask DH for money I'm in a way subjugating myself to him in a way. Plus then it makes me feel ike I *have* to do things I would ordinarily not want to do but usually get guilted into doing anyway.

My DH has lied to me about finances also & admitted it. I know it still happens though. I know where we are now I would be entitled to half the house should we divorce but frankly I don't want it, I would just take my stuff & go.

I did insist on the life ins policy and DH fought me all the way on it, he thought I was terrible for insisting he even address it (he is 11 yr.s older than me & owes back taxes!), but I was constantly worried if he dies I would be financially devstated and left with a home that more is owed than it's worth and a stack of fat bills..

I pay for the life ins policy btw, DH just had to have the physical. It does give me peace of mind that at least I can survive if something were to happen,kwim?

I do understand your dilemna though my DH is far more concerned about supporting the adult Skids than putting away for his retirement, it is sad as I think he will have to work until he dies-but that most certainly is not my plan!

Making your own money is your best bet to gaining some independance/better self esteem and taking back control of your life...that's what I'm working on too.

Did you change the beneficiaries from your children to your husband? I would change any of those back to your children. If he is doing all of this stuff underhandedly, then I would do what I could to protect my children, especially if they are underage. You do not have to have him with you to write a new will. Make sure you protect your children. They should come first.