I checked the maps and found that Camp Pendleton is between Oceanside and San Clement, way north of San Diego. Will you be staying in San Diego or will you stay in Oceanside, which is where Camp Pendleton is located? I've only driven through Oceanside, either on my way to San Diego, Vista (to buy orchid cactus), or Anza-Borrego Desert State Park (great for camping/hiking in winter - too hot in summer). If you will be staying in Oceanside, I would recommend Trupianos Italian Restaurant, and otherwise, I would recommend that you do some research before choosing a place, since most of the restaurants there are chains. If you want sushi, try the fish joint. There's nothing adventurous in Oceanside, and so your family should be okay with whatever you find, if that's where you will be. If you go north to Laguna, you can get very adventurous, however, and it's closer to Camp Pendleton than San Diego is. If your family is like my parents, that would not be a good idea, however. You can get adventurous when you get to L.A. Surfas closes at 5:00 p.m. on Saturday, but you can view their inventory on line beforehand. Penzey's and TJ's are rather ubiquitous and therefore less of a draw, I think. You'll have a lot of choices for lunch and dinner here. I look forward to meeting you! Lars

Ded, LOL, nice hat. Why didn't you put it on and then take the pic? Coincidentally, a hat arrived here yesterday -- DS went to some fan web site and ordered himself a hat. I don't think it's the same one, though. ;) Sandy, I think you told me this months ago and I'd forgotten! Thanks! We are staying at the convenient SU Sheraton for drop off but will be looking outside the city for parents weekend, which last year was the first weekend in Nov. but since Halloween is that Fri. next year, I hope it's going to be a different weekend. Someone recommended the town of Schineattles which I KNOW I've spelled wrong...not sure exactly how far it is from the school, but sounds like it's a pretty area to visit. It's fun to hear from DS about his friends getting notifications from schools. Seems like there is at least one every day (and so far his friends are all getting good news!).

What would happen if your son said, fine, dad, I'm all in favor of forgiveness & putting the past behind us; let's just get the business part of it out of the way first; you just pay mom what the court says you owe her & I'm your boy, okay? Your situation reminds me of something my old roommate Laurie told me: Her mom, Fran, divorced her dad & didn't take one cent in settlement; Fran had been a homemaker her whole adult life; she didn't have the funds to fight her ex in court, & she knew she couldn't help her daughters financially, so she agreed to waive her rights if Laurie's father would pay for college for both their daughters. Laurie talked to her dad at least once a week, & he knew she was paying for her college with loans & grants, & he never offered to help. There were weeks when she ate ramen noodles, & he never offered to help. Laurie's younger sister was living with their mother, Fran, in their home country, where Fran had returned to take care of her mother & to get a job with a relative. At that time, international phone bills were prohibitively expensive, so Laurie hardly ever got to talk to her mother. When the younger sister graduated from high school, she came to Texas & got in touch with Laurie, & Laurie helped her get a scholarship. About 6 months later, Fran came to Texas to visit her daughters; when she found out that the girls had had *no* help whatsoever, she blew a gasket & called their father. made no difference; The father claimed that he would have helped the girls if they had *needed* it, but that they were doing fine on thier own. so Fran got no settlement, her daughters got no help, & her ex kept all the money.

Oh, goodness! I'm still confused! LOL! Great suggestions and great reasons for both talking to X and not. @Sylvia - what you suggested was what I was thinking. I was planning to take DS to the store to get the game this weekend, but I wasn't going to buy it for him. He has 2 gift cards left from his b-day so I was going to let him use those. For the record, I would not use my own money to buy a game for DS when he has gift cards at his dad's house that belong to him. That would be petty of me. But if DS wants to use his own money or gift cards, that's another story. @Sweeby - why do you think your X did those "for you but really for me" gifts? Was it to justify spending the money or do you think it really was the thought of DS, but didn't realize he'd get more use out of it than DS? @Nivea - you make some really, really, really good points! I hate the gimme mentality, too. I found out X got it for him AFTER I told him we were "thinking" about getting it. So what would an 11 year old need with 2 $400+ game systems???? He wanted it for himself. The sad thing is that X's entire family went in on this "gift" for DS, so he got nothing else from that side of his family. DS now knows that the game system was really for his dad and that his dad conned the other family members into helping him pay for it. And you're right that if I say something it might open up the boundaries I've been trying to re-set for a while now. I am totally amazed at how self-centered X can be. He lost his job and now DS doesn't have health insurance (he said he was going to get COBRA, didn't, and wasted away the time limit to put him on my insurance). He swindles DS out of his Christmas gifts. On top of that, he's not even looking for a job! He didn't come to his basketball practice the other day because "it's finally a nice day so I need to clean and polish the bike". Seriously??? He NEEDS to clean and polish a motorcycle instead of be at his own kid's practice??? My heart breaks for DS every time he has to listen to some stupid excuse like that. You know, if I were to do any of that, I'd be the worse mom ever.