'pom poms' is a perfect example of what's going to happen if DH and/or his ex don't start doing some talking! She's going to get answers to her questions from places that do not have accurate information, most likely other children.

I know when I first got my period, I didn't know what the whole tampon thing was about. I thought you put the whole thing in (without removing the applicator) and was scared to death! My younger sister and her circle of friends had an incident where one of them thought she needed the morning after pill after she sat on the spot where her bf had ejaculated. (She had clothes on.)

My point is, kids have no idea, and the school system, at least where I live, is of no help at all. So kids will come up with there own answers for their questions. I would hit the local bookstore with DH or browse the internet for some material that he feels is appropriate, and then maybe the two of you can have some discussions. She may feel more comfortable talking to you, but make sure DH has your back otherwise she may bust out with something he's not ready for her to know about (I'm thinking abortion, homosexuality, transgendered, all the stuff you see on TV that kids hear, but don't know what exactly it is.)

If I were you, I would encourage DH to participate, use anatomical terms, and as they say, a picture speaks a thousand words! Kids are visual little suckers and girls especially. Plus, our anatomy is so complicated I'm still learning things everytime I'm at the OBGYN's (another good resource). I know that our local Planned Parenthood has some really awesome classes for parents and pre-teens, teens, etc.. Find something that's informative and makes sex/puberty seem a little on the sterile side.

One thing I wish someone would've told me about (and I'm digressing a bit) is all the emotions women have about sex. Let me tell you, I was one educated kid when it came to anatomy, reproduction, even STD's and contraception. (I thought being a labor and delivery nurse might be fun in high school and college, so I sucked up the information.) But no one ever explained to me about the emotional side of sex, what goes through your head, or the aftermath of having sex and not being ready or not with the right person. Women really do give a bit of themselves away with every partner, and it wreaks havoc on you emotionally when guys take advantage of that. Having sex with someone definately does not turn them into the person you need them to be. They definately did NOT tell me that in school!

I got the puberty talk at about her age (never mind that I had to wait impatiently until my senior year of high school for boobs ;o) ) and the sex talk I think will naturally follow either at the same time or soon after. Just don't let DH turn a blind eye. Educate, educate, educate!! Make sure she has the right knowlege so that when she sees a girl turn into a boy on tv she understands that's not what actually happens.

best of luck!

Unless your DH is a very rare speciman of a man, he's unlikely to be able to have 'the talk' knowlegeably and comfortably with his daughter.

So it's going to be up to the women... I know BioMom's a piece of work, but do you think she could handle this without messing it up? It's a serious minefield for you, and could really cause hard feelings if you 'overstep' your role in this particular situation.

Either you or DH needs to cal BioMom and ask her to talk with DD and correct the misinformation she's been given.
After BioMom's talk, you might want to go and fill in the blanks and misconceptions that'll probably still be there, mainly just to start a dialog.

Annabel's point about the emotional consequences is a HUGE one that, IMO, doesn't get nearly enough ink -- but it's a little soon for that one, I think.

Its been a few years but I did have this "talk" with my daughter but it was more "natural" I guess you could say I would put questions to her and she would answer and I filled in the blanks ... wasn't a one time event it happened over several months. So there was dialogue ... I don't think hubby could handle "talking" about it for that long ... this is his baby girl.

Like you said I do not want to overstep my bounds. Hubby was flustered last night kept mumbling I can't talk about this with my baby girl. He said I know I will sooner or later just not at this moment.

I had mentioned it to mom a while ago ... she said she was too young to know about all that stuff. I said well if she is asking questions wouldn't it be wiser if she got the information from someone who knew what they were talking about. Not another 8 yr old. Guess I'll have to bring it up again to her.

I was going to talk to hubby about it tonight didn't know if there was a specific book to look for ... one that the boys wouldn't be interested in. (smiles)

Have you ever heard of The American Girl series? I know my daughter read quite a few of the books from the Mind & Body series and they were quite helpful, especially since she doesn't like to talk to me about personal girl stuff. My daughter got her period a day before her 9th birthday and she is a little more mature than most children her age, but she read them cover to cover!

Good luck!

Here is a link that might be useful: American Girl Books

Well, she's asking questions,
she has some *really* wrong information,
she's distressed...
& she could reach puberty at any time, since girls do mature so very early today.

*Somebody* needs to do it, pronto.

I'd say send her over here, but it's been too many years, I'd probably get it all wrong...

If there's a library handy, go with her to pick out some books.

She'd likely be too mortified to check anything out by herself, but books would give her the opportunity to leaf through them & pick out the information she can digest right away before she has to face the dreaded adult talk thing.

(For more "words from sylvia's soapbox", see my post of August 8 at 14:41 on the linked thread.)

Here is a link that might be useful: Where I Mount My Soapbox

Again I don't want to step on toes ... but if she is asking she needs answers.

So I called mom ... asked her to have a talk with her again ... I said she came in the room asking if she was going to turn into a boy.... oh mom says.... thats because last week the boys were teasing her and telling her she was adopted and she used to be a boy. ... Well then you might want to talk to all 3 of them about teasing and how words hurt long after they have been said. And maybe they need to apologize to her and tell the that she was not adopted and was never a boy.

And laurels thanks for those books I kept looking but most were too specific for her age ... I am heading out tomorrow they all have stuff to do so after I drop them off I'll be running to the book store.

Absolutely, the American Girl series is great.

There is one in particular called "The care and feeding of
you", that my daughter loved. It was very natural and casual--it all made sense to her, and there was no anxiety involved.

By 8 years old, the other girls are talking, so you better provide good information.

These "little" girls certainly are talking about things at a very early age, and I can still remember vividly picking up DD and her friend from dance one evening. They were in third grade at the time. The other little girl began to tell me that one of their classmates told them that they would be turning into young ladies soon and would be getting their "pyramids" - I almost died!!!!!!!

Well I went and picked up two books from the american girl series ... I will give them to her later when she comes home from friends.

The care and keeping of you.... and the care and keeping of your emotions/feelings. Two workbooks/journals for her to write stuff down but I'll give them to her after she has read the books she will have more fun with the journals than the reading. :-)

Thanks ladies

I talked with hubby about getting the books ... he said ... If you and her mom can talk about this with her I would appreciate it.

Sometimes you just need to step on toes. I had to with my step daughter. You would think with mom being a midwife, she'd help her child through this stage. Nope. Didn't happen. When she started to develop, I got her a couple of books and one for myself on how to talk with her. My DH does talk with her about boys and respecting herself, though, which is great because he has a view point neither her mom or I do.

"he said ... If you and her mom can talk about this with her I would appreciate it."

Guys are so fun.

Since my cousin's baby was a preemie, she couldn't nurse right away; her little muscles just weren't strong enough.

so the hospital showed my cousin how to extract her milk & feed the baby with a bottle (very soft nipple that flowed with almost no effort on baby's part).

&, so she could do this at home, they gave her a prescription for a breast pump.

Dad takes mom & baby home, fluffs pillows, beams at them & asks if there's anything else he can do.

Mom hands him the prescription & says, "Yes, would you go to the medical supply place & pick this up?"

Dad nearly passes out.

(He was hoping she'd ask for something he could do more easily, like slaying a mastadon...)

Funny story Sylvia -- But also kinds sad.
I mean, what's the clerk in the medical supply store going to think. IS there even any possible way to misuse one of those things? (never mind!)

Parenthood isn't for the faint of heart!
Funny, my sweet DH would have no problem buying 'pom poms' for me ;-)

Hubby doesn't have a problem going to the store for "pom poms". Even picks up oldest SDs birth control. Just talking to his 8 yr old daughter about such stuff kind of got to him. His older daughter talked with her aunt and SM about it.

I think its "funny" because we talk about my "lady days" but he didn't want to hear it about his baby girl.

SD was so excited to have her books... The cousin has the same one... (although SD was more interested in the pictures) she has a hard time reading. The cousin doesn't have the feelings book. Told her that it was a book for girls only.... the boys 9, 12 and 15 are just not interested in it.

Sweeby- I had to laugh at your misuse comment. I thank god everyday that I do not have a BD, I would never know how to have that talk. But I guess it's different when you have a girl and it's one of those things your have to do for your children.

I know my DH wouldn't go and get my "pom poms" he's still has the young guy faze, and is embarrassed about it. He will learn, every man has a wife or a girlfriend that goes threw it. But I have to say that is the ONLY thing I don't miss about not being pregnant!

my hubby has no problem going to the store for 'pom poms' (I have decided that this is one of my favorite miswordings from kids right now ;-)) or talking about anything female relating to me.... However, when it comes to his kids .. boy or girl there is a gigantic block followed by panic...

We have talked over and over again about what is perfectly natural for kids but still... he has heart palpitations at the mere thought...I on the other hand have vowed to make sex as open as possible with the kids especially my girls... so when they do decide to have sex they can come to me and we can take the necessary steps to make sure they are protected... I refuse to be naive enough or stubborn enough to insist on no sex before marriage ...
that being said I dont really care how bm feels or hubby feels ... if they come to me or I feel they need some advice I will talk to them... with or without approval.. simply because ignorance is not bliss it is dangerous and I personally feel the less it is a hidden mysterious thing the less likely it is that they will feel the need to sneak around and experiance it far before they are ready.

And, ever since I was tutoring kids in elem school and I realized what second third and on up age children were talking about (and this was almost 6 years ago) I knew I would not hide one thing from my kids regarding sex...

"I dont really care how bm feels or hubby feels ... if they come to me or I feel they need some advice I will talk to them... with or without approval.. simply because ignorance is not bliss it is dangerous"

Amen, Sistah!

funny story, not exactly on topic, but similar.

Years ago, when my little neighbor Erin was about 7 or 8 years old, a female dog in the neighborhood was in heat, & her irresponsible owners let her run loose.

All the male dogs for miles around crowded around the poor female dog.

Well, one afternoon, heck, there I was, & Erin asked me what was going on & why the male dogs were so interested in her when they left her alone the rest of the time.

So I told her that female dogs get pregnant only at certain times, when they're in heat, that the male dogs can tell, & that this is nature's way of ensuring a new generation of puppies.

& then I said, "Oops! didn't realize it's so late, gotta go, ask your mom!"

A couple of days later, Erin came over to chat.

At the end of the block, dogs suddenly started barking, & Erin spun around to look.

She turned back around & shouted, "Sylvia! It's her! It's that heated dog!"

Sylvia ... I am hoping you have a heavy texas accent because I can hear you say

Amen Sistah!!

in my head .. :)

yes, it's pretty much "Texas/country" these days, unless I'm talking to someone who cracks up every time I open my mouth.

When I sold a home to a young couple from Canada, the wife brought a bunch of her friends one day to look with her.

They all cracked up at some of my pronunciation & at some phrases...wish I could remember exactly what.

When I was in high school, I cultivated a California accent to sound like I came from a more sophisticated place than the place I was from.

California Girl was so much cooler than small-town-in-Texas backwater girl...