If you think your DH's mother would have no problem with BM having her cell phone number then he needs to call up BM and tell her that she should call up his mother and ask her for it. As it is not really his place to give out that sort of information, leave it up to his mother to say yes or no. This should deter your DH from any real confrontation with BM. Ignoring her will not solve the problem but will only make it worse, wouldn't your DH get upset if BM ignored phone calls from him in regards to the children?

All I am saying is how would you feel if the rolls were reversed?

If your MIL wouldn't care, then what's the point of withholding the number?

It sounds as the sole reason is to annoy the children's mother and of what possible use is that?

She is their MOTHER. If they were my children, I'd want every number associated with where they are, in case of emergency or whatever.

Please don't be petty about this issue. It'll just cause resentment and anger and for what?

I would just tell DH he call his mom, mention that the children's mother does tend to call alot, but would like grandmas cell number and have GM call X if she wants to give the number. Frankly, as problematic as grandparent visits are in a divorce situation, DH may find that grandma is just happy to have the kids and couldnt care. In any event, grandma can see who is calling and decide whether to answer. It really is up to Grandma. My x mil would be thrilled if I called her everyday.

But I agree, dont ignore the request.

I'm afraid I have to disagree a bit with KKNY. It is a mother's right to have all the numbers associated with where her children are. The only thing I found a little strange is that the mom called her ex for the number, but that may be because of some tension that we're not aware of.

I have a male friend who has visitation with his kids. He has to fight to get the numbers for his children ... from cell phone to land line to school, etc. And every time he has to go to court to get one, the judge says the same thing. "Parents have the right and duty to acquire and use any and all telephone numbers associated with their children."

Again, these are HER children. Just because she relinquishes custody for some time doesn't mean she doesn't think about them and wonder where and how they are.

Besides, ignoring any request is a passive-aggressive way of getting in a dig and those only cause problems.

the fact that she calls so much probably means she cares. As a mother I want to know everyone's phone numbers in case of emergency.

Can someone give me a few examples ... why she would need a third number to get ahold of the kids ... she has the house number the daughter has a cell phone and I bet like all other kids who have cell phones it isn't far from her hand? How much more in contact do you need to be "in an emergency" and if its that big of an emergency why would you call the children?

Well in any case I think it is up to a grandmother to give her number to BM or not. Why she needs a number it is kind of her business, don't you think?

There was one time when I could not locate my ex MIL due to the fact that her land phone was busy for a prolonged period of time and I did need to ask something (not even emrgency). My ex MIL and FIL just got their new cell phone and I did not know the number (they got it through his work, that's why new number).

I called my ex and ask if he can give ,e his parents' new cell phone number. All he said is: no problem, here it is.

And when I called, my ex MIL they said oh sorry we completely forgot to give you new cell phone number and our land phone is being fixed right now. Nobody asked me what do i need the number for, why do i need it, what is the emergency etc What is the big deal to give grandmother's number?

I just don't see why there is such a problem?

They have been going to the grandmothers for vacation for 9 years... its not like this is the first time.

Many grandparents are slow to get cell phones, or keep them turned off much of the time, because they fear they are running down the batteries. They may have a new cell phone number because they recently signed up for new phones or something. Many also do not believe in call waiting, and their land land can be tied up for hours (if they are anything like mine) and so it can be vital to have a second number to reach them on. If the bio mom is a caring mom, then what in the world are you thinking by not allowing her to have "ALL" numbers regarding her children. Even when kids go on playdates, you get home numbers, cell numbers etc. Even schools want home, work, all cell numbers, including those of nearest relative, AND up to three friends home numbers AND cell numbers.

A mom and dad has EVERY right to have access to "all" phone numbers in connection to their children, unless something is wrong with them or something.

And even if the kids have cell phones, many don't bother bringing them when they are just out with grandparents. Many also might have theirs turned off or charging. I know some kids who always have their cell phone, and others that rarely have theirs.

Treat others as you want to be treated. If the kids were with her relatives, and your DH asked for the cell number, how would he like it if she and her new boyfriend refused to give it to him? Sounds pretty bad when you turn it around, doesn't it? Do the right thing. If she calls more then the grandparents are comfortable with, they can either say something, or not pick up until they are ready to talk. But she has the "right" to be able to reach her children, ...just as their dad does. Geez....

I completely agree that the best thing to do is to give mom the number as not to cause controversy. However, I do want to say that a BM does not have the right to call constantly and interfere with visitation. There needs to be boundaries on the calls. For example, call at 8:00 in the evening to go over the days activities and say good night etc. But, calling many times a day can be seen as interference and a judge will sanction the other parent for the behavior. I understand this is at a grandparents home, and may not be court ordered visitation so it may not fall under these guidelines, but nonetheless BM has the obligation to allow her children to bond with their father's family with constantly calling all day long.

Well, especially if they were going there for 9 years there shouldn't be a problem to share a phone number.

I can't imagine my ex MIL not giving me her phone number. But once again it is up to the grandparents, not SM to determine if BM can have their phone number. It is their decision. It is just my opinion but I absolutelly do not see how is it SM's place to decide? I can't imagine my ex's second wife even discussing what numbers i should have. It just seems strange to me.

But of course if BM constantly calls it is ridiculous and disruptive. And grandparents should let her know or maybe screen the phone calls and listen to messages. If it sounds important call back, if it is just blah blah don't call back. But it does not mean she has no rights to ask for a phone number. Unless of course she is calling to have a fight with grandparents or is abusive to children. Then I would hesitate to give a phone number

I think this all comes under the heading of PICK YOUR BATTLES.

If you are being this way over a phone number, what is your response to say, a birthday dinner for one of the kids and inviting the BM? Most stepparents won't hear of such a thing but it makes kids so happy when it happens.

Even my best friend, who has been involved in near-constant custody battles with his ex, a manipulative drug user, put his feelings aside and invited her to his daughter's birthday party. After the party, his daughter came to his room in tears because she was so happy that they'd finally been a family together. Her parents split when she was 5 and she'd never had a birthday party or Christmas or Thanksgiving that she could remember with both of her parents. He said seeing his daughter cry those happy tears was worth practically chewing a hole through the inside of his cheek during the party. lol

The point is, he did it for his daughter, so she could have a good memory of her parents together -- not fighting, not sniping at one another, etc.

Be mature. Be nice. And while I think it's probably the best thing to let grandma decide whether to give her cell phone number, the BM didn't ask grandma. She asked you. To ignore the request or tell her to call grandma and ask is just going to cause trouble. DH needs to get on the phone with his ex, provide the numbers where their children can be reached and get off the phone just as fast.

Pick your battles and you won't have to fight a war.