new to this forum..hello everyone

19 years ago

hi all! i've been lurking here for a while now, figured it was time to come out of the closet and give a big hello to everyone.

i am the mother of 3 children, 2 boys ages 13 and 15 and a sweet little 5 year old girl. the boys are from a previous marriage, and my daughter is from my marriage now to the most wonderful man in the world (yeah, and you all thought YOU had found that guy, sorry he's mine). my husband is a fantastic step-dad to my 15 year old son and a great father to my daughter. notice what's missing in that statement? my 13 year old son. he is not with us, he is somewhere out there with his father. my ex and i share joint physical and joint legal custody of my 13 year old son and i have full custody of my 15 year old son. my older son hates my ex because of the way my ex has treated him in the past. my 13 year old insisted that he wanted to live with his father, and i went along with it. BIG MISTAKE. my ex-husband sold his house, left no forwarding address or phone number and has basically vanished off the face of the earth. he is remarried for the 3rd time and i don't even know his wife's name. i haven't spoken to my 13 year old in almost 2 years and omg do i miss him. i have a closet full of birthday and xmas presents for my son, and nowhere to send them. my ex sent xmas present last year to my 15 year old, and i was so excited because i thought i had an address. nope, he used the return address of the shipping place he mailed it from!! what a jerk! he is going out of his way to make sure i cannot get the address or phone number of where he is living. because ex and i each have one child, there is no child support order, so i can't enlist the child support people to help me find him. not a day goes by that i don't think of my boy and hurt so bad at not having him here. for a while, i refused to celebrate holidays because of the hurt...it's hard when a piece of you is missing. i am his bio-mom but he has a step-mom and i have no idea how he is treated by her. i HATE my ex husband for doing this, and to tell you all the truth, i am starting to feel angry at my son for not contacting me. i KNOW my ex has my phone number, and i know prior to my ex disappearing with my son that my son had my phone number....why hasn't he called me? my ex is the poisonous kind, he will tell the kids anything/everything to get them to try to hate me...i am so fearful of what he might be telling my son. my lawyer says the only thing we can charge my ex-husband with is "visitation violation/contempt of court"...and that it is a family/child services issue and the police will not get involved. we haven't got any address to serve the paperwork to in order to enforce the visitation (son is supposed to spend all school holidays with me as we live in a different state than the one my ex was residing in). my little boy is growing up without me and i don't know what to do!! i see a kid on the street who reminds me of my 13 year old and it's like a knife in my heart. i don't even know my son anymore.

oh my..i was just going to introduce myself and here i am ranting..lol

anyways, that's my story. i'm not quite sure why i was drawn to this forum. maybe subconsciously i was hoping to run across the ex or his wife on here, i don't know.

jiggreen

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Comments (2)

MIStepMom
19 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
jiggreen: I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't understand how parents can be so selfish and cruel that they cannot see what they are doing to their own flesh and blood. Do you know where your ex-inlaws are? I am sure that you have thought of that one too. Although I am sure they would cover for him. Hopefully one day you or your 15 yr old will get a call from him and this nightmare will be over.

I will pray for you. Take care
jiggreen
Original Author
18 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
wow, it's been forever since i popped back into this forum and i was reading through the threads and found this one that i posted 2 years ago. what a blast from the past!

update on situation...

in november of 2004 my ex contacted me (no surprise, he needed money). i sent him the money with the demand that i be allowed to contact my son and see him. it was difficult, but i made the decision that what has happened, happened, and i did not pursue any type of legal action on his disappearing with my son. nothing can bring back the time i lost with my boy, i figured all i could do was move forward from that point in time where we reestablished contact. i am happy to say that my son spent last summer with us, and again this past christmas. it hasn't all been easy, my older son wants nothing to do with his brother and refuses to be in the house when his brother is here (older son went out west to visit his father last summer while younger son was here, same at xmas time) i remember long ago during mediation the counselor used the term "polarized" regarding my boys, i didn't really understand what it meant at the time, but now i think i do. i'm hoping over time the boys will come together as brothers and that they can overcome the damage that their father has done to their relationship.
it's almost summertime again, and i am looking so forward to having my now 15 year old son back in my home for a couple of months. his little sister adores him and she misses him terribly when he leaves to go back to his father. my son is not happy with his father, he has expressed a longing to come live with us (and since he is over the age of 14, in the state he lives in, he would be able to go into court and tell the judge which parent he wants to live with) , but the feud with his brother is getting in the way. i would love to find a way for these boys to get along and try to find some sort of neutral ground, and then i could put my family back together again completely.
in the meantime though, i treasure every visit and phone call with my son and i thank god every day that my boy is back in my life.

:) jiggreen
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new to this forum..hello everyone

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MIStepMom

jiggreen
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new to this forum..hello everyone

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MIStepMom

jiggreenOriginal Author

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jiggreen
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