You should really ask grandma to keep asking and asking them to come. 18yrs old is old enought that they do not need young mom. As long as they have transportation to school This guy has trouble with a capital T all over him. Does DH have any court approved rights? Even if not, I would send X a registered letter that he is entitled to speak to girls once a week. I would also suggest DH send letter or call school, give them his contact info, and make certain they have it on file. Also tell girls that if things get impossible, they shoudl go to guidcance counselor. Also, tell shcool, that DH should be notified if the girls miss any days of school.

Try a church or something. I'm jumping in late here, but I do feel for you. You're in a terrible situation, but rather than look back, let's look to the future and begin making good decisions now. I'm Catholic and we have the Archbishops Charity Drive each year to support the Archbishop's charities, many of which are shelters. We also, at our church, give food coupons to the local grocery stores for anyone who asks - something I didn't know much about until I became a Sunday School teacher. No questions asked, the gift certificates are given out to anyone who comes to the church office. Here, we have something affiliated w/ the church that runs the boys' school, which is Methodist. It's called "The Shepherd's Way" and it's for homeless families (all have small kids - and I know of very few small kids who are 'obedient' so don't take what the shelter said to heart.) They have several small individual houses, counseling for the parents and children, etc. Finally, can you confide in your OB? I'm sure he/she would have a few clues as to where you could go. Is there anyone in the family who is traveling and would let you house sit. It's a stretch to find someone who'd allow young kids in the house, but worth asking. Some people don't want to leave the house alone...neighbors of your mom's. Is your dad in the picture? An aunt, g-parent, anyone? I'm so sorry you have to deal w/ this, but make no mistake - you did do the right thing by leaving. You shouldn't have this on your plate w/ the pg'cy and all. But, your kids need you to stay strong. Could you take a babysitting position to earn some money and keep your kids there, too? Is your oldest in counseling? Keep disciplining him/them to the best of your ability. Say what you mean and mean what you say w/ kids. Call Dr. Phil or Oprah, email them, too - worth a shot for some advice or to get your story heard. I will pray for you. Dana

It's been quite a while since I've posted here. Just thought I'd post an update. My gf's son moved in with us in early July. He had to sleep on an air mattress in the living room for the first month and a half, because we were in a one bedroom apartment and waiting for a bigger place to open up in our complex. That said, it was still a major environmental upgrade for him. Grandma's house had a scabies infestation, drugs and screaming matches that went on all night long. This is the reason we moved him so quickly - the more we got to know about his living conditions, the more of a hurry we were in. And, we wanted enough time to try and stabilize his mood and behavior before school started. As of now, he has his own bedroom with new (or new - used) furniture. His mother and I don't get into screaming matches, although there's occasionally enough passive aggressive tension in the air to cut with a knife. We had a pleasant enough summer. We gave him the kinds of privileges we thought he should have, and that I took for granted when I was a kid. He could go out until the street lights came on, we gave him a cell phone, he could use the computer, play video games, watch TV, etc. He has chores to do, and an allowance (which we were compelled to promise we wouldn't steal back as his grandma did). Aside from his chores and bedtime, he didn't have much responsibility. He was and is still afraid to go anywhere by himself. I find this trait to be strange, as when I was his age I rode my bike all over the place and grounding was a torment I couldn't tolerate any longer than necessary. Similarly, whenever we go anywhere together, he is pretty much right at my side the entire time. This isn't as bad anymore, but I do find it quite irritating from time to time. I imagine this is related to some abandonment issues he may have, so I usually don't say anything. We were preparing him with conversations and reminders, on occasion, that he would be expected to put forth an effort when school came around. He had been told that he had failed the 6th grade at his former school. I don't have a very high opinion of the school. It was a charter school in an old office building where a lot of trouble makers go. And, I'm convinced that the place was in business to soak up state school-choice dollars and didn't really care about the success of the students. During the last week of school, we had a conference at school during which it was decided that he was a special needs student, and that he would need additional resources for the following year. Regardless, between his teachers' attitudes and the kinds of other students which were attending, we decided to put him in a different school. Apparently, due to "no child left behind", and his status as a special needs student, his former school told the new school he should be in 7th grade, despite his academic performance in the 6th grade. So, he started the new school year at a new school, in a new home and behind academically. Now, he is a bright kid. He can learn the material, and I help him. But, because he was behind to begin with, and the fact that he learned that it was OK to act out at his old school (they would just send him home if he talked in class too much), the beginning of this year has been horrible. He doesn't want to look stupid, so he just acts goofy, pokes other students and is generally impossible to quiet. We got two calls home from the teacher on the first two days of school, and that pattern has more or less continued since then. He was suspended for a day after the teacher had had enough. We met with his teachers and principal the next day. Instead of threatening expulsion, as I had expected, they said they were determined to do whatever it took to help him overcome his behavior problems. I knew then that we had made the right decision about changing schools. As far as life at home has been during this, I would say unpleasant would be an understatement. Though, It's not any worse than it would have been for my parents. He lost all of his privileges. I have been wrestling with this issue, because I cannot, in my mind, cede any of these privileges to him without improvement. At the same time, I know how tedious life can be with nothing to do at that age. Plus, given his history with his mom not being around and his dad abandoning him, I'm afraid of what too much time alone would do to him.As an alternative approach, I decided a few weeks that instead of taking privileges away, I would have him do work. I took him up to my parents' house and had him do yard work for a few hours on Saturday. This, I figured, would at least get him outside for fresh air and sunlight (not that he's locked in the basement or something - you know what I mean). Finally, mom and son started psychotherapy. Both have a lot of issues to work through. He thinks she hates him, and that he was a mistake. He doesn't understand why she left him with "those crazy people" for so long. This is what comes out in abbreviated 13 year old exclamations, so I'm sure it's more complex than that. She's angry with herself, with her mother who convinced her not to give him up (she believes he would have had a better life with a different family). She has anger issues in general which, while significantly improved in the time I've know her, are still a challenge to handle. And, occasionally, these feelings boil over onto him. She loves him, but whenever he has problems she is reminded that he might not have them if she had done the right thing. So, in essence, he is occasionally a reminder of her failure. At any rate, the combination of help at school, counseling, consequences for bad behavior and rewards for good behavior have started to pay off. I'm still not 100% confident, but he has had some noticeable improvement over the last couple weeks. His daily reports from the teacher have been less severe, and today he brought home a report with only good remarks and corresponding grades for behavior. He has earned his cell phone and TV privileges back, and for today's report, we gave him a Bears jersey (although why he likes the Bears, I'll never understand, we live in Wisconsin.) If we can get the behavior under control, he'll hopefully absorb more classroom instruction, and we can get his grades back where they were a few years ago (he was an A student). It's a rough road, and I'm sure we'll hit some more potholes along the way. But, I think we're on the right path. I'm still not sorry for my decision to do this. I think that, although there were pros and cons for removing him from his grandmother's "care", the pros far outweigh the cons.

I haven't read the book but we buried an old Dish below some bog plants to try and hold more moisture and that has been successful so far. We have deep sugar sand and silt soil that drains too fast.