Introducing a Stepmom or Stepdad
athlete2010
14 years ago
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silversword
13 years agokkny
13 years agoRelated Discussions
can mom and stepmom ever get along!?
Comments (29)Dear BioMom, if you think that sending $57 dollars a month, phoning twice a week, sending occasional care packages and contacting the teachers from time to time means parenting an 11 years old and if you really think that $ 300 a month for a child are too much because "I spend that much on my family of 4 people in the house now and that includes diapers and baby wipes! And we dont buy clothing every single month for our children, clothes in our house last a while!" (clothes on 11 year old last a season, maybe, boys at that age outgrow pants, shoes every 3-6 months) and you really believe that "I mean only the rich can spend that kind of money on One child! Dad has to keep a roof over his and his new wifes and two childrens heads anyways, just because Im not his wife anymore shouldnt mean i have to help pay his rent, food and extra's,should it? and what else is there to spend on children, I mean come on ..I pay 50% of all his medical, sports, toys, personal hygene stuff,I buy schoold supply stuff, etc."(out of the $ 57 you send every month ?).......you really live in fairyland and frankly I am not surprised that when after you chose to relinquish the custody of your child, the judge decided not once but thrice to leave your son in what is clearly a loving and stable household and not to subject him to further disruption just because you have put in your mind that now, after remarrying, moving to another state etc..you can now stand up to your parenting role.. And I think the stpmom rightly resents the fact that while she's doing the REAL job of parenting, you still feel entitled to special consideration because you are the biological mother. Well in the real world it is not so: if you up and leave a 5 year old child and somebody else I raises him (everyday, not twice a week by the phone and during the summer vacation), she justly feel she has more rights than you. You write: "I only had one child with this man, what was I supposed to stay unmarried, have no more children and spend the rest of my life, staying close to this man making sure I help with all his bills?", you know that's exactly what the "wicked, cruel, bitter, full of hatred" stepmom did find in her heart to do, staying close to this man, helping him to pay his bills and raising his son, she did exactly what you could not find in your heart to do. Nobody forced you to eave your child. You chose, and everybody, your child, his father and the stepmom had to learn and to adapt to your choice. It is abot time you do it too. And let me tell about money, this woman has put her actions (and her money or her family's money, that she could otherwise spend) where her heart is, toward your son, while you evidently have chosen to do otherwise, till now. And the idea that as this biomom has now her own children so she should just "let you have yours" is completely wrong, children are not property of the parents to leave or take back on a whim but members of the family, to be cared and respected. If you really want to rebuild your relationship with the your son's father and stepmom, you should start to behave like a responsible, dependable person, financially too so they could start to trust you instead of just criticizing and belittle them and the good job they are doing while you are otherwise occupied....See MoreStepmoms and Weddings
Comments (30)southernlights, I can see that you would be hurt (as anyone would be) to have loved someone who has made such a public rejections of you. No one would say that you should not feel hurt. But, LongTimeStep's issues were that she didn't receive a corsage, her step daughter had some photos taken with her bioparents which didn't include her, and her daughter (who was not close to her stepsister and who herself was not upset) was not asked to be a bridesmaid. In all other ways she was treated as the other immediate family members were. The corsage is really a non-issue- I bet no one at the wedding noticed- , the photo thing is also a non-issue because at weddings they take all kinds of different groupings which include some and not others, and similarly the bridesmaid thing is a non-issue because there's no rule about which if any family members should be included in the wedding party- that is for close friends/family of the bride and groom. If they feel closer to a friend than a family member then there is no requirement to have the family member anyway. Her other issue was the bride being given away by her bio-parents. So what? It doesn't mean that they are/should still be married. It just means they are the bio-parents and the bride was close to both. The Dad was hardly going to walk down the aisle with his ex-wife and suddenly think, Oh, I should be married to this woman and ditch LongTimeStep. Some people feel the need to find a slight in everything others do, when it isn't there. They would be happier if they didn't assume everything someone else does is a deliberate dig at them. But yes, having a step daughter stand up and publicly announce that you mean nothing to her is hard to misinterpret- and totally bitchy on the part of the stepdaughter. Also totally unnecessary- why does anyone need to know this? I think you are completely justified in feeling very hurt and in dissociating yourself from this witch....See Morestepmom
Comments (4)Run! Find yourself someone that wants the same things as you. Some people should not be allowed to have children & your SS's parents are a great example. I agree "poor child". But I must add that you made a poor choice in marrying a guy that acts this way toward you and his child. Why on earth would you want to have a child WITH him? He is proven himself a poor father to one child. Do you think he will be better with YOUR child? He was probably not a very good husband to his child's mother as he's proven to have no respect for women. That's not to say it's all his fault because she obviously has issues where she chooses guys like that proven by her choice to marry her current husband that drinks & cheats. You can't fix someone else's problems. This child had the misfortune to be born into that situation and there is nothing you can do seeing him only every other weekend. Even if he lived with you, it wouldn't make much difference because your husband doesn't support your position. Find a good man that wants children & is prepared to be a parent to them. This guy isn't it. Good luck....See MoreReunite with 'Stepdad' or not?
Comments (41)Thank you Mattie and Justmetoo, that's exactly what I was trying to say. Yes, the incident with my sister happened when we were kids. My point is that when people are fighting there is a chance someone will get hurt unintentionally. I was at a friend's house in college and a couple got in an argument, my friend walked up to see if she could help just as the guy flung out his arms in a gesture of "what the...??" Big arms, her face... she walked into his fist. She got a black eye. Is that abuse? He was not trying to hit her. He was not threatening her. She literally walked right into it. I have volunteered at women's shelters. I know the cycle of poverty, abuse, child care, lack of resources, etc. that perpetuates abuse. I don't condone it. But I will not convict this man of abuse with the facts as presented. Comparing this to rape and short skirts is a straw man and insinuating I do not model proper behavior for my daughter is offensive. The sarcasm regarding Love's injuries and "I'll try not to walk in front of you then" is also offensive. She said she was attacked by X-W. That can in no way be compared to this incident based on information. "I cannot relate to your casual attitude towards poor treatment of women or always blaming women no matter what really happened." Really? I'm ALWAYS blaming women no matter what really happened???? What really happened? Please tell me. I didn't know you were there. I stand by my original statement to OP: "It sounds like you need closure. FB is a good place to get closure because you can always "unfriend" him. I don't know how well you know FB, but you should set your privacy settings on high, not allow him access to your wall or pictures, and not friend him just yet. Send him a message, explain as kindly as you can how you feel. See how he reacts. I think that if he reacts as a man/father or if he reacts as a child/jerk you'll have your answer as to how to proceed. I wouldn't introduce him to anyone or explain who he is at all until you are very clear what his intentions are. "...See Moremattie_gt
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