"Not sure how to get someone back in our lives who has proven that he doesn't care one iota about us."

One person's shoulders can't carry both sides of a relationship.

Bless him & release him.

Hi, Dana

There's a period of time in everyone's life when
friends are more important than family.

And then eventually there's a pull back the other way when
family becomes intensely important.

Right now, he thinks that you and his father will always be there. That is not correct, but he feels like no matter how crazy everything is in his life, you and your husband will always just be a phone call away.

He will come back. True, there are dangers out there, but you have done your part, and he knows that you are there for him. It is hard, but there is nothing else you can do.

Bilateral pulmonary emboli? Ouch. So is your hubby on Coumadin, too?

Yes, he's on Coumadin. He had been feeling sluggish for over a week, thought it was the flu as we were in the middle of flu season in Jan. '06, but not all the charasteristic symptoms. I went to teach my CCD class and to mass on one Sun. am. He said, "Leave the baby here, (the other two attended) I'll be OK." when I started to pack up the three, figuring he needed to just get some rest. I said, "No, I'm not really teaching today - just standing outside of the church exits to get sponsors for the Pro-Life Walk-a-thon the students will do next week. I'll take the baby since he's the example of an unasked for blessing." LOL - conceived him on the POP while weaning my second.

Anyway, we were gone a couple of hours, returned to find DH sitting on the couch, feeling worse, but thinking he needed to 'get out.' He walked to church (not far), returned and asked me to go to the office to get his MD's home # (he and his wife are patients - had to check the charts - it was 6 mo. after our fire and we still couldn't find our address book as they are friends, too.) Then he asked me to stop at the drug store and get something for his calf - thought it was a cramp he'd been complaining of all week.

The wife said her DH was in the ER that day, and for my DH to just go there. DH was only calling to see if he could run by his office first thing the next am to have a blood work-up done. He went to the ER, thankfully. Blood tests indicated a clot, US done on the calf showed a DVT, x-rays/C/T done of thorax and the clots were found in BOTH lungs. His Dr/friend called me and I thought our connection was breaking up as I couldn't hear anything. Here, he was breaking up w/ emotion - terrified DH wouldn't make it through the night til they could get a filter in him the next morning. My boys wer 1, 3, 5 and I had lost my g-father 8 mos. prior, who was like a second father to me.

DH had none of the usual suspects for the DVT, but they found a genetic predisposition.

His vasectomy was scheduled for eight days later...some guys will do ANYTHING to get out of that!

D

HAHAHA!

My DH was pre-vasectomied. Good man.

My DH is on coumadin for atrial fibrillation.

It's not as complicated as I thought it would be.

Sounds like your DH was very sick. I'm glad he's better.
What a year that was! It can only get better, right?
Maybe take a bath in holy water every day.

Even when I am totally aggrivated at my DH, I remind myself
how terrible it would be without him. He is a great guy, but has some downright annoying habits, but really harmless, I guess.

BTW, my parents met as freshmen at U of M. It must have been a zillion years ago. Actually Miami natives. That never happens!

Wow, Miami natives? I'm paying off the GSL for SS who either dropped or flunked out of UM where he transferred So. year. He went to Pitt 'cause he thought the NE would be good for his hair, lol, w/ the low humidity. He was mortified to be turned down from Penn, DH's alma mater. DH was capt. of the football team when I was about 2 or 3, lol, I like to kid him about that. DH did undergrad and dental there. Had a chance to play pro ball, his real love, but coming from such a poor background, was afraid to take a chance and turn down dental school...

Funny about you loving Noah! Most of us are right there w/ you! My sport in college was tennis, so I 'knew' his dad very well. My H.S. doubles partner and best friend was the little sister of one of the most famous women tennis players ever, so I had several charmed years as a teen - meeting all sorts of interesting rich and famous celebrities from all walks of life.

So the a-fib doesn't concern you about DH? My mom has it and I always worry about a stroke. She had pancreatitis in '94, nearly lost her. Everyone thought she was a drinker, lol, but she and I were cut from the same cloth - no alcohol at all, though I keep vowing to start!

Thanks for the info on colleges and estates. And, thanks for the congrats for my guys in both football and basketball. I was there during many great wins but more than a few lean years....but it was still a blast.

Your first marriage was during med school? That was gutsy! I never looked far when dating - when I was playing tennis, it was another tennis player, in dental school, another dental student, in residency, another resident, then married my boss!

If you ever come back to S. Fl, you have to let me know! I have some family in Nashville - love that city!

Dana

Hi, Dana

My parents now live in Atlanta (where I grew up).
When my grandparents were still alive, we went to Coral Gables on a regular basis, but nothing there but memories, now. I really miss it. What a wonderful beautiful place.

My college sport was soccer. Women's soccer was born NC where I went to school. I loved it, and my kids play now.
I always wanted to be good at tennis, but I just wasn't good at it. I enjoy it, though.

Yes, the ill-fated medical school marriage. I married my college boyfriend, and he just didn't make the transition well. If I had been smart, I guess I would have married a medical student, who at least had realistic expectations, but it was a disaster. We had 2 kids, and we divorced when
I was 4 months pregnant. It was a stressful time, but not as stressful as being married to him!

I do worry about a stroke with A-fib, but I have covered all the bases I can cover, and that's all that can be done.
He stays in NSR nearly all the time, and hopefully, coumadin will take care of the rest.

Pancreatitis!!! That's awful. I think that gall stones are more commonly the cause. That's why I was so insistent on hubby having his gall bladder out when he discovered he had stones. Pancreatitis can be downright deadly, as you know.

I do love Nashville. It's a wonderful city. We live on a farm in a rural suburb. It's a great place to raise kids, and a great place to practice medicine. I would love to meet you, if you ever head up this way.

My only brush with celebrities is around Nashville. In middle tennessee, celebrities are mostly left alone. No papparazzi, plenty of privacy. It's just understood.
It's not unusual to see country music personalities at restaurants or at the mall, or even in the hospital.

Have a great week!

xoxox

You can divorce while pregnant in your state?? In mine, and I understand in many others, a divorce will not be granted while the wife is pregnant, in part because the state wants the child to be legitimate in the eyes of the law.

Well, let's just say hubby moved out while I was pregnant,
but it took years for the divorce to become final, because
ex- wanted full custody, child support, and alimony.
Yes, I am one giant piggy bank.

So, whew! I guess my child is technically legitimate.

I have never heard of not being aloud to divorce while pregnant. That's amazing. It makes since but I can't believe I have never heard of it before.

In Texas you cannot get a final divorce decree if you are pregnant or if there are accusations about the paternity of any child(ren).

I once handled a sale for a very nice homeowner whose husband stood up in court one day & yelled that the baby wasn't his.

Without blinking an eye, the judge ordered DNA testing, & everybody's life was on hold for another couple of months.

I've never heard of this pg'cy issue and its impact on a divorce, but nothing surprises me these days.

Southern, you just made me smile that I never married my college loser bf. I swear, I'm afraid we have led parallel lives. I'm sure I could have been saying the exact same things you wrote had I not gotten away from him. My friends, after I ended it, all said, "We were going to make you go on Oprah for the 'Smart Women, Dumb Choices' show!" Actually, it was amazing that I even had friends afterwards. He wasn't comfortable w/ anyone from my crowd -the athletic world, then the dental school world. So, little by little, I seemed to drift away from things most important to me to appease him. It was such a bad time in my life...

I'm sure he'd have much preferred to marry me, divorce me, then collect alimony - so much easier than just getting a darned job! He lied to me about everything - his age, being in school (actually walked off to campus every day, backpack in tow! It was more acceptable to not work if you were in school...) I'm sorry he then had to move up near you and try to have his meal ticket paid by you, my friend...

Anyway, back to health - my mom's pancreatitis scared the heck out of me. I believe she did have the stone issue, but they only removed her gallbladder a year later when she had another crisis w/ the pancreatitis. Her tri's are sky high. The meds for it help, but she's unable to really metabolize fats, it seems. The meds give her restless leg syndrome, and while I've seen ads for meds for that, I'm reluctant to have her take anything more than she does. Have you heard anything about them?

Dana

Dana

Yes, I married your ex. He was a piece of work, all right.

Despite making beautiful children, he had no
true redeeming qualities. (I'm talking about the result, not the act itself-haha.) Absolutely isolated me from everyone. I couldn't take him anywhere, because he nit-picked and embarassed me. No job. Amazing sense of entitlement. A narcicist on steroids. Long long story. Anyway, he was able to get an annulment from the catholic church based on my lack of commitment to the marriage. Okay, whatever. Anyway, no alimony, no custody, no child support.

Whoopee! Marriage is not perfect, but marriage to him was hell.

Regarding Restless legs, anything that lowers dopamine can cause restless legs. (all of the -zine drugs--perphenazine (phenergan), compazine, reglan, all of the SSRI's (zoloft, lexapro, etc). Also, iron deficiency (serum feritin less than 50), caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

The medications (Requip & Mirapex) work great. 0.5 mg i or ii qhs. Very safe.

"Despite making beautiful children"

I'll bet you had a thing or two to do w/ that, my friend. I think you have an inner beauty that undoubtedly shines through, Southern. What were the odds that we'd be involved w/ the same two men, a few states apart? LOL.

I'd love to get back to Nashville. I had a great time there when my cousin married. I was very early pg w/ my first - it was like a magical time for me. I kept quiet about the pg'cy as it was still early, but I was excited, etc. Loved the town and love that the celebs are given some breathing room! My friend's sister was always in a hat and dark glasses and we did all the running for her. On the courts, she always had a crowd which was to be expected, but you'd like to be able to eat in peace every now and then! She was a great role model early as far as our sport went and her disposition, but was not a faithful wife, sadly. Her parents are crushed as she just had her second divorce - this one, w/ three kids at home. (her fault both times, unfortunately)

Sadly, losing my g-father was like losing the glue that held our extended family together. My generation of cousins doesn't seem as committed to staying in touch, etc. My g-father was one of ten. Until just a fwe years ago, eight were alive and kicking - reunions were frequent and I have such fond memories (most are in Ohio). Of the two lost before the age of 90 (or close to it), one died of natural causes and the other in a plane crash.

Thanks for the advice for my mother - she's amazing - truly is my right arm and I'd be lost w/o her. I'm relieved to have my own private neurologist these days, lol. And she's a sports fan, too! I'm with you - love that college basketball. I'd take tix to the Final Four any day over the pros!

Has dcubana been around here lately? I did offer a little dental advice awhile ago...

Thanks, Southern. You're a great cyberfriend!
Dana

Thanks!

Come back to Nashville anytime. Was the wedding at the cathedral? It is a beautiful church--very old world, Mediterranean architecture.

Any update on your SS?

Dana, I wanted to post earlier on this. I'm sorry you still don't really know what's going on with your SS. I imagine that must be very difficult, especially for your DH.

At the same time, if I were you, I'd probably be feeling guilty relief ...

I have heard many people say they find magnesium helps with restless leg syndrome. May help your mother, Dana.

I have a glass of milk before bed .... to help with my RLS. And take quinine on occassion. I know what nights I forget to have milk it acts up terribly. I was also told tonic water but I couldn't get it down to find out if it worked. Dr. said have a gin and tonic before bed it should relieve it ... told him if I have one of them every night I wouldn't be worried about RLS I would be worried about passing out ... with 5 kids in the house not a good prescription.

LOL, Cawfe! When I was pg, my OB told me to start drinking a glass of wine to help w/ anxiety. I burst out laughing and asked just how many of his pg patients he wants to 'start' drinking! For me, I never developed a taste for alcoholic beverages, so it wasn't an option.

Thanks to everyone for the advice for my mom and RLS!

And, Tamar, you nailed it - guilty relief (though I had a fantasy of him wanting to take over his GSL I'm paying off!) If I didn't have the young ones, I might be able to devote more time and energy into SS, though he obviously doesn't want anything to do w/ us. I do pray that he'll straighten up and come back, asking for forgiveness, but in reality, that dream truly belongs a few hours north of me in Fantasyland at Disney World...

Dana