Plastic .....welcome back :) Did/does your sister see what she was/is doing is wrong or does she believe her own lies and Bull? In what world is it ok to make yourself feel better by stepping on others. I am having a very hard time with this. Tired of being berated by children who are repeating their mother. Hubby said today we were much happier when she only took them one day a week ... I said yes because it was only one day a week she could poison their minds. Now its constant. Ok so as long as you cheated on your spouse you can infect your children with poison about the spouse? Came to a decision today .... attitude walks in the door I will say " I do not want to hear what your mother says about me to you and I do not want you to repeat it to me ... You have no right to hurt my feelings. Because I am tired of being hurt and angry because of stuff your mother says to you." Conversation last night .... mommy said if you didn't marry daddy we could all live together again .... we have been married for 2 years. Court today.... continued new court date again..... Judge "warned" not to discuss anything related to the proceedings with the children. "it would not be in her best interest". late and rambling will add more tomorrow.

I had a similar problem with my DD at about the fourish age.. she still has bouts every now and again but for the most part she seems to have grown out of it. And, this was absolutely not a result of divorce poisoning since her bd is no longer alive and hasnt been since she was two...but anyways I will have to Completely disagree with Kathline on this one... perhaps my dd is just a handful but she was fully capable of coming to me to tell me something happened or S said this or that that never happened...(and I did get suspiscous and start to investigate just in case but when she started lieing about conversations that I had overheard... I knew what was up) She also would do the crying for no reason and would be up my rear as soon as I would get home from work. I would come home and my DH would be in the room talking to her about something and everything would be fine until she saw me and then the water works. My DH was very upset by all of this and for a moment started to pull away from her. The only way that things changed was when I looked at how I reacted to it. Everytime she would cry I would ask what's wrong and try to get her to tell me why she was crying (attention!!) and when she would tell me things about DH I would go and ask him what really happened and then go back to her (attention!!) When I stopped playing into it ... she stopped. I know most of it had to do with her now sharing her mom with five other people and I am a fairly laid back person.. I grew up as the oldest of four in a cramped house that usually had all kinds of extra folks...like my cuz who lived with us on and off... so I am used to loud crazy atmospheres with lots of jokes lots of insults lots of everyone talking on top of everyone else... but my husband is not... he cant take the loud noise and he insists on no mam and no sir or vice versa.. so she was adjusting to having another adult in the house that did play like mom does and then on top of that she was not the "golden child" anymore (she was the only grandchild niece great grand etc etc) she had to share with three other kids... But, I started ignoring the crying when I would come home... I would just pop in to say are you hurt? oh well then cant be that bad get done whatever DH asked you to do... and when she would tell me something that wasnt true I would ask Dh infront of her if that was true ... and she would get punished accordingly usually go sit on your bed for x amount of time and then we will talk about again later (because ofcourse by that time the water works started).. It took awhile for her to realize that I wont play her game anymore and she is doing much better these days... But, not to say this is the case with your daughter because there is some divorce poison going on but even without it that can happen... I think the best thing to do is to change how you and your DH react to it and I think that mom2emall had a few good suggestions.

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

You're not a wife, or even a stepmother, but a live-in maid and sex slave. No one deserves to be treated like that and to me the miracle is that you've put up with it for so long. As has been said- get your affairs in order, and leave. Take with you info on bank accounts, insurance policies etc to assist with division of property in the divorce. Then find someone who will cherish you as it should be in a marriage. Your husband may be a preacher and attend a church, but if that is the way he behaves he is no Christian in my opinion and is a very poor role model for other Christians.