My husband has a 12 year old daughter who came to live with us a year and a half ago because bio mother could

not handle her anymore. She was abused for 3 years by her mom's live-in boyfriend. (he's in jail now). Her bio mom raised her in a environment with no morals & structure & taught her very little (common sense. Well, the first couple of months went okay, but everything pretty much went downhill. She is a pathological liar, has a bad attitude, she is a bully at school, and she refuses a majority of the time to do what she is requested to do. It's very frustrating for my husband and I. I have made some mistakes as a stepmom with her (trying 2 discipline, yelling at her because I would get so frustrated with her etc..) but I have learned what & what not 2 do. We got custody of her, because we believed this was the best place for her to be. But her being with us has been such a burden and stress on our marriage and home that (she's @ her moms 4 summer) we dread her coming back. With a 3 and 4 year old from our marriage, we're not sure whether to send her back 2 to her mom. We want 2 do what is unselfish and right. She still wants to be at her moms.

We believe our home is better for her as far as her character and development as a young woman. At her moms she has the freedom to do basically whatever she wants to do. We love her very much and want to do what's best for her. But we also want some peace and sanity of mind. She has given us problems almost every day for over a year. We don't want her to hate us for keeping her here, but we also don't want her to go back to her moms and be around the drugs and promiscuous friends and stuff that she's around. We've tried nearly everything we know to do for her attitude and behavior to change and it was only getting worse before she left for the summer to go to her mom's. We've spent lots of time with her and have been very patient, but to no avail. Is her coming back the best thing? My husband and I have looked at this from both sides and we just don't know what to do.

We got her into counseling about one month before she went to her moms for the summer. (We agreed at the time of custody that we would not keep her away from her mom, so she gets to go during the summer and certain holidays). She's not a violent child and does pretty good with our two little ones. But she is not a very likeable person. My husband and I both tried to do things with her and stuff during the months she first came to live with us, but her true personality started coming out and after a while, we both just got tired of even trying. What's frustrating for us is her constant lying. I can't even go and talk to her without her lying to me. It makes it really hard to build a relationship of any kind with someone who won't tell the truth. At first she opened up to me alot about the abuse and it was severe. But basically anything else (both big and small is lies. I have never heard this girl tell the truth outside of the abuse.

My husband does really good as far as taking the reigns and disciplining her. But he's tired of dealing with her constant antics day in and out.

When she left for her mom's, it was like (i mean you could feel it) a huge weight was lifted off of us. Everytime she comes back, you can feel that weight again. The last two months since she has been gone have been so peaceful and wonderful.

Oh, one more thing. Just a little background: My husband had her from the time she was born to five years old. His ex and him separted a lot during her infant days. When she was around 2 they separted permanently. When she would get around her mom for a couple of days and go back to her dad's, she would describe sexual things she had seen her mom do with other guys. So my husband would not allow her to go with her mom. Only her mom could come a visit at their house. Well, at 5 years old, she wanted to see her mom and so he let her go with her mom for a two week visit. Her mom never brought her back. She took her across the Texas state line and because they're was no divorce or custody order at the time, he couldn't do anything law enforcement wise about it. (He paid to get a divorce, but his atty didn't show up. No more $ to try again) He would drive 6 hours out there to try to see her and her mom would not let him. His daughter was not allowed to talk to him or anything.

So it wasn't until she was 9 that he was finally allowed to see her. (they live in a gate community, so if you're not given the code, you can't come in) From 9 to 12, her mom began to let him see her on certain occasions and she was finally able to come and stay at our home for two week periods (during summer and then christmas) only because his daughter would plead to see her dad. Then she told her mom about the abuse, and she started acting out, and that was when her mom kicked her out and sent her to live with us.

We really thought when she came that she would prefer our home over her mom's. But she doesn't. We're so disappointed about how things went and how difficult she is. I feel torn as her step mom on what to do and so does her dad. We want her here and then again, we don't.