Garden60, I want you to know that I am copying your letter to forward to my hubby's email! He just has to read this for himself, because it is so like my situation with our dil that it's surreal. My dil wasn't quite as nasty as yours, but she was right up there, nearly neck and neck. Yes, it is the groom's parents who get to pick the place for the rehearsal dinner as well as any plans for it. Yet, my dil also took that small part I had to play away from me, on the sly! She lied to me, & my son, and of course he bought it as he buys every single thing she tells him. It's as if he is hypnotized....or more accurately, brainwashed! It is going to be a tough month for you! However, with your younger sons b-day now also, I would focus all your attention on him. I can't believe the way your son snubbed his brother at the wedding! My son also couldn't choose my youngest son to be his only best man, so he chose two best men! I had never heard of this, and it infuriated me that my son would not just have his younger brother be his only bestman, which is certainly usually the case. I know it was dil. In fact my son told me that dil told him that many grooms choose two best men! This is when I expressed surprise about him doing this. We had to tell our son hours before the wedding that his brother should at least be the first down the isle, and not his best friend. Imagine that we had to tell him to do that?!! At least he listened to us on that one. I'm surprised dil didn't step in and put her foot down that it wasn't going to be that way. My son still had part of his brain in his possession at that time. The similarities between our two sons is hard to believe! I know I've said this over and over again, but I just can't get over it. There are many similarities with all of our stories to be sure, but ours is the same sex, with a younger brother, a NPD dil, etc. I imagine many of the children being talked about on this forum are NPDs too, or else their mates are. They can also have a mental illness such as Ginny's daughter. Garden60, as far as your husband goes, here are my thoughts. I've never heard carrots or raw vegetables are not good for them! They are some of the best things they can eat, and especially in between meals since the carbohydrates are so low! Fruit has a higher carbohydrate than most veggies, so that will need to be worked into the diet, unless of course he is having a low blood sugar. If he's having a low blood sugar, that is an excellent time to have a small glass of juice followed up by a piece of fresh fruit. Fruits have a wide range of variation regarding carbohydrate too. For instance, Strawberries are very low in carbs and high in fiber. As a fruit exchange, one can have lots more strawberries than say grapes. I'd be happy to share my knowledge with you if you'd like. I've been doing this for over 20 years and know it all too well. I just wrote a person today giving them information and advice on how to handle a newly diagnosed little girl. I volunteer to do this since I remember all to well how difficult it was when our baby was diagnosed. It is my chance to help others. A cheese stick or beef stick is certainly not a bad choice as long as it is not the snack he has every time. The biggest reason behind either of those two snack would be the fat and salt content. Protein has a very small effect on the blood sugar since it is digested very slowly, thus avoiding any spikes. In fact, when my son was very little, we would always give him a fairly high protein snack to make it through the night since it lasted so much longer than anything else. He still does this after he has worked out, or just been overly active. With all the low fat and low sodium items out there, I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't get the beef sticks with less sodium. Even if you don't, one beef stick is certainly low enough not to worry about it, it's only if he intends on sitting down and eating a handful or more that would cause concern. I know you can get low fat cheese, which would eliminate at least some of the problem. Is your husband on insulin, or just diet? If he's on insulin, there are many things I can recommend to help his numbers improve. If he is on diet only (or using pills that boost the amount of insulin his pancreas makes,) then I can still give advice, however it's much harder making your numbers good with diet alone. When he does have higher readings, tell him to drink plenty of water since this help flush the glucose out of his system quicker. Even modest exercise makes a huge difference, such as a stroll right after dinner, or leisurely bike ride. Let me know some of the details and I'll be happy to give more advice. If you'd like, you could post your email and I will send you the advice that way. I do understand if you don't want to post it at this forum though. The only reason I don't want to post mine is that I'm afraid that my son would find this site by doing a search for my yahoo address. This is exactly how I found out all the information about him, and I certainly don't want him reading anything I write here. If you have an email account that is less used, such as google mail, that would be a better choice. That's entirely up to you though. Hang in there with the difficult month you have. I think your making the right choice with the b-day card. From what I've read on this site, it doesn't seem to matter how many cards, phone calls, or other methods of communication we make, they are all rejected, ignored or not acknoweldged. anniebal

garden60, yes it is a scary thing thinking that our sons will be away from us so long that they will quit caring. I know this is what my dil hopes will happen, I only hope she doesn't succeed or isn't right. Since my son is planning on a family soon, it will be very interesting to see how she handles a baby getting all the attention in place of her. Being narcisstic, this is going to be quite a roller coaster ride for my son I think, who naturally will have most to all of his attention on a new baby. I'm still hoping she doesn't get pregnant right away, and that there is time for him to come to his senses. I'm not even saying he has to leave her, but learn to deal with her control issues and put his foot down about continuing his relationship with his own family. I've heard that people with personality disorders can be dealt with (tho very difficult) once one recognizes the problem. There are many places on the net that give advice to someone learning to deal with this disorder. I know my sons loves her very much, so if he could just learn to control her (and not in the sense that she is controlling him,) then I think things could work out for all of us. However, she is very difficult and so controlling. Cornflakes, I am so glad to hear that you found a new therapist and your working on your anxiety issue. Since anxiety and depression usually go hand in hand, there is a good chance that your anxiety was causing the depression. Good luck in quitting your medication. I think your husband and mine are pretty typical of male reactions to such an estrangement. They are not as outwardly emotional, therefore they keep things in and I believe do get angry instead. However I know my hubby misses our son very much, and wishes he would get his wits about him. Who knows. I can't imagine finding your mother the way you did, but you need to trust the dr. and what he is telling you. I am sure you mom did not suffer, she had already died, which lead to her collapse. I agree we can move on from the deaths easier, and it has been stated as such in many of the books I've read. It is the fact that our loved one has chosen to not be with us, where as in death, almost no one makes that choice. It is a pain deeper then anyone can imagine (except those of us going through it) each day realizing we are still not reunited with our child. Thinking each day that anything could happen, and we may not be here for them. Realizing taht they don't understand this, or are ignoring the possibility. Our children are gambling with the future, and it could be a very high price they pay should they lose. Cindijf, I too feel very badly for your situation. Since your daughter is so young, I still hold out much hope that she will mature and realize what she is doing is not right. Your daughter still has many growing pains to experience, and I believe in time, those pains will teach her what she is too young to realize right now. Keep the hope, as I believe she will be back.

WOW- what to hear what the "other side" says about us on this side? It's amazing how someone who states we should welcome their advice (even though they are not and have never) been in our shoes speaks about our posts... Over in the "singles" section is a place where adult children estranged from their parents has someone who posts here and there actively making fun of our heart felt emotions. I was amazed. One person said "they say they (us) didn't do anything wrong unless they loved to much" and goes on -how ridiculous we are to "think that." I really do not understand how people post deliberate painful words-taken out of context and then expect people to listen to their "words of advice." Or to take our post once again out of context and subject them to ridicule... This is not high school for me-a competition- or certainly a way to expose something so precious to me-to anyone's hateful remarks. Many of us are women who are hurting and personally I just can't imagine someone would posts our remarks in such a way to inflict more pain upon us...Wow- I guess I'm through- That is just too much for me. I'm hope you all have a good Christmas-take care everyone and Thank you for all the support you have so freely given. I really appreciate your kind words, and believe me I've hung on to them all. stray

I had a similar problem with my DD at about the fourish age.. she still has bouts every now and again but for the most part she seems to have grown out of it. And, this was absolutely not a result of divorce poisoning since her bd is no longer alive and hasnt been since she was two...but anyways I will have to Completely disagree with Kathline on this one... perhaps my dd is just a handful but she was fully capable of coming to me to tell me something happened or S said this or that that never happened...(and I did get suspiscous and start to investigate just in case but when she started lieing about conversations that I had overheard... I knew what was up) She also would do the crying for no reason and would be up my rear as soon as I would get home from work. I would come home and my DH would be in the room talking to her about something and everything would be fine until she saw me and then the water works. My DH was very upset by all of this and for a moment started to pull away from her. The only way that things changed was when I looked at how I reacted to it. Everytime she would cry I would ask what's wrong and try to get her to tell me why she was crying (attention!!) and when she would tell me things about DH I would go and ask him what really happened and then go back to her (attention!!) When I stopped playing into it ... she stopped. I know most of it had to do with her now sharing her mom with five other people and I am a fairly laid back person.. I grew up as the oldest of four in a cramped house that usually had all kinds of extra folks...like my cuz who lived with us on and off... so I am used to loud crazy atmospheres with lots of jokes lots of insults lots of everyone talking on top of everyone else... but my husband is not... he cant take the loud noise and he insists on no mam and no sir or vice versa.. so she was adjusting to having another adult in the house that did play like mom does and then on top of that she was not the "golden child" anymore (she was the only grandchild niece great grand etc etc) she had to share with three other kids... But, I started ignoring the crying when I would come home... I would just pop in to say are you hurt? oh well then cant be that bad get done whatever DH asked you to do... and when she would tell me something that wasnt true I would ask Dh infront of her if that was true ... and she would get punished accordingly usually go sit on your bed for x amount of time and then we will talk about again later (because ofcourse by that time the water works started).. It took awhile for her to realize that I wont play her game anymore and she is doing much better these days... But, not to say this is the case with your daughter because there is some divorce poison going on but even without it that can happen... I think the best thing to do is to change how you and your DH react to it and I think that mom2emall had a few good suggestions.