Men & Wood...What's the deal? (Vent)

15 years ago

Okay, okay - I know the answer so I guess this is more of a gripe this time around on my end.

DH refinishes furniture so I know that he loves wood as 'God intended it.' & I value the loveliness of a nice stained piece too.

Buuuutttttt.... last night while finishing final organizing & cleaning of our MBR (prepping for the last few pieces of my MS aqua bedding to arrive) I finally decided to paint our old bowfront bureau turqouise. No biggie since it was given to me already spray-painted & DH can 'see my vision' & is cool w/ it (ie: he doesn't have to strip it & re-stain it). Then while looking around I thought that since our bed is black & our lamps are black, maybe I should paint our tall dresser black too. Right?! Dh said he'd rather keep his eyes open at work for another one & he will paint that one black for me since he'd rather not paint this one.

Come on! I pulled it out of somebody's trash in our alley on trash day! Why can't I paint this one?! The last thing that I need is another bureau in my house as I already have about 6 that have been orphaned on street corners, at work or thrift shops!!!!!!

Grrrrrrr!

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Comments (13)

western_pa_luann
15 years ago
I know plenty of women who love wood... and many men that don't care.

Sorry you and yours are not on the same page!

Since you have 6 others, that one should not matter.... and if it does, choose another.
teacats
15 years ago
After we moved into first home in Toronto -- I finally persuaded my DH to paint the basic old panelling in the enclosed front porch to white. WHAT a HUGE difference!! Fresh and bright -- and helped to sell the house during a tough market!

So -- luckily -- by the time we moved around anf finally ended up at this house -- and our real estate agent told us to make this small house "light and bright" -- we had the dark dark living room panelling, the kitchen cabinets AND the two bathroom cabinets painted white!!

We Even painted the outside of this house (which was painted dark brown) to a light cream. Such a shocking move in this neighbourhood (where there were several versions of this house already!) -- that strangers actually stopped to tell us how much they liked the changes!

AND friends OF friends stopped by to see all the changes INSIDE the house too! Most of the gals said their husbands would NOT paint the panelling BUT once they saw our changes ---- they rushed home to get out the paint brushes! LOL!

So I do like painted wood of all sorts and kinds! :)

And now -- so does the DH! In fact -- HE will say "they should really paint out the wood" to me when I'm online looking at rooms or homes ......

Jan ( a terror with a paint brush!)
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Wow, this thread has taken off. Just a few days and I'm about 30 posts behind. As mkroopy observed, it's difficult to take this as a 'black-and-white' issue simply because there are so many variables to be considered. Roles within the blended family unit can change dramatically depending on the amount of time the child is in your home, the involvement of the other bio-parent, the amicability or animosity the bio-parents feel toward one-another, the age and personality of the kids involved, and the makeup in general of the stepparent in question to name only a few. As I mentioned in my post WELL above now, my own personal saga involves a situation where my stepson has been physically in our home about 95% of the time, and since high school probably closer to 98%-99%. We also have two younger children of our own, and I feel that all parties consider us to be a full-on family unit. Certainly things would be totally different if my stepson were with us less than half of the time or only on certain holidays, so my comments only apply to my own current makeup. With that in mind, I really like silversword's comment above: ""I think if you trust someone enough to marry them, combine finances, have them drive your kids around in the car, have them sleep in the same house at night with your kids, have them dispense medicine and go to doctor visits, etc. etc. etc. that they should be able to put the kid in time out, take away privileges, etc. That's what I mean by discipline."" That's what I'm talking about. If you marry someone who you feel is a good person, then why would you not allow that person to make calls on basic discipline/privilege revocation? Especially if you have children with that person and thereby consider him in a good enough light to be a father to these other children of yours. Moms and dads have had different opinions on child rearing from time immemorial, but I think that's a good thing. I would submit that the fusion of stereotypical mom nurturing and stereotypical dad toughening is a great mixture that should be applied liberally to any growing child. I speak from my own experience when I say that the effects of neglecting one side can be long-lasting. My stepson, while in high school and beyond, got into some pretty major problems: arrested for drinking underage, for causing mischief with a knife the night before Halloween, and even later being caught with pot in his car. Right from the start I wanted to be able to step in - WITH my wife - and try to correct his course. I spoke with him quite frankly about these issues, and even suggested that his mother and I would have to discuss sanctions. Problem was, he totally knew the situation. For years I was not allowed to take a full role in the parenting and he basically blew me off. Knowing he only had his mom to contend with, he'd make a full-court press to her and get what he wanted. I recall one situation where he was caught at 15 with booze and arrested. I went and got him from the police station that night and told him that I'd be speaking with his mom and was sure there would be sanctions. He actually laughed. The NEXT night, his mother allowed him to go out to a party, and the kid basically sneered at me. When I asked my wife about it, she just said that he was being so annoying about going out that she just couldn't hear it anymore and let him go. When I expressed to her my feelings about my lack of authority and my stepson's reaction she again stated the mantra: "I am his mother, you are the stepfather, and so you are not allowed to discipline". Look, mine is an extreme case, I know. And hopefully my stepson is more of the exception and not the rule in the way he has acted. But if your spouse is going to be a step to your child and if they are going to be in the home together a good majority of the time, I feel it must be incumbent on both adults to share the authoritative role. Yes, the step should be allowed to give the timeouts, impose extra chores, remove a privilege when the kids are younger. When older, they should then be part of the team that works with the child/young adult if more intense situations arise as well as positive aspects like choosing a school, relationships, etc. My experience tells me that without the parenting involvement at the beginning, the latter involvement is all but impossible. Sadly, I feel it has affected my and my stepson's relationship in other areas as well. I'm less inclined to seek him out to go play golf or to a movie or something like that because I feel disrespected many times by him - and have been outright disrespected at others. Again, just a case-in-point and probably a more extreme one at that, but hopefully some food for thought.
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mahatmacat1
15 years ago
Maybe put a lesser one of the 6 back out on the corner when Dh brings you home the perfect one to paint? :)

I have to say, maybe it's because the PNW is such a woodworkers' dream area or something, but I'm completely into the natural finish wood look now. Not even stains anymore. If you want wood a particular color, get the species of wood that is that color naturally. It's kind of a religion up here. I'm not nuts over it, and we have Hallarum cabinets which are stained, but I sure wish I had the money to have natural walnut slab front cabinets.

And remember when the girls painted out that amazing slab wood on Design Star?
fernswirth
15 years ago
I have sort of the same problem. Eveytime I try to start a project involving wood or furniture, my husband takes it over and wants to do it. Wood is always stained or left the natural color and then he wants to put a bright shiny varnish on it.

He does beautiful work except for his varnish fetish, but I think a house without some painted finishes looks dull and uninteresting.
kats
15 years ago
This is one page DH and I agree on....there are SO many we do not!!! LOL

We love bare woods. Our design originally called for a timberframe (log homes had too much wood even for us) but damn money seemed to be an issue. However, as I type we're having 40 some trees planted on our 2 acre lot so we must like bare woods.... hehehehe.

Well, like other's have said maybe one of the other 6 dressers might work. Then again, there's that saying about just do it and seek absolution later (???)
ttodd
Original Author
15 years ago
All of the other bureaus are purposed out between kids, toys & linens.

Besides, this is the only tall one that we have & we need a tall bureau to be able to see the TV over the foot board. Told DH that a flat screen TV would solve my issue but he didn't buy it. Literally.

Oh well.

Typically I won't paint wood but if something is free or under $5 I figure go for it unless there is something that really makes the piece special as it is.
greenthumbfish
15 years ago
*stab* Did your DH happen to restain the tall bureau after you rescued it, investing his blood, sweat and tears into it?

I'm a wood lover too, and would restain until the cows come home before painting.
mlraff53
15 years ago
I say paint it while your husband is not at home!!! :)

I wanted to paint my cheap builder oak kitchen cabs white and my DH said no I like the wood. So I stained them a dark walnut and I painted the one in the powder room white. After all the work I put into those cabs, guess what he said...I would have liked them white better!
I almost killed him.

Maybe you can add some black touches to it.
ttodd
Original Author
15 years ago
Too funny - if I could get away w/ sneakily painting it I would. Somehow I'm going to wear him down though - it will just take time!

Greenthumbfish,

The only thing that was wrong w/ the bureau was that the wheels had fallen off. That is until DH decided to take 1 drawer to work & attempt to date the bureau. He then decided to refinish that 1 drawer while at work based on his memory of the stain (mind you the rest of the bureau was perfectly fine). Well, now we have 1 drawer that is ever slightly lighter than the rest of the bureau.

Hey in the end it (& DH) all make me smile & chuckle. I'll get what I want. Someday!
parma42
15 years ago
You have a DH that refinishes furniture and you complain about 'anything'?? lol

Seriously, mine just spent two hours last night putting the last 6 knobs and pulls in out kitchen and most of them are crooked.

I could have a houseful of beautiful furniture for what one new table cost me if mine could do wood.
bellaflora
15 years ago
I gotta break it to you...black painted furniture is so OUT :-) The new look is bleached/limed or naked wood (remember those cabinets from the 80s-pale oak!) :-) I think this is the reflection of the current ECO trend. So go easy with the paint gun (J/K)

You are lucky to have a DH who designs & refinish furniture. I am truly jealous ! :-)
ttodd
Original Author
15 years ago
Parma,

You know the deal: When a relative is in the trade - yours is ALWAYS the last to get done! :) Luckily I grew up in the house restoration trade so I am used to it. We didn't have a sink in the bathroom while living at home for over 7 yrs. I brushed my teeth in the kitchen overlooking Main St. My dad finally got around to getting the sink in the bathroom & doors on the kitchen cabinets when they decided to sell. I had moved out & was in my mid-20's by then!

Bellaflora,

I don't follow what's in or out - just what sings to my heart! As my MBR gets towards the end it is very definitely taking on a sort of Neo-classical type color scheme & I'm very pleased (so far!).
cliff_and_joann
15 years ago
I am woman and love wood...
I understand your hubby's vision.
When he refinishes it you'll be thrilled. Sometimes men have good ideas, sometimes!

Joann

Men & Wood...What's the deal? (Vent)

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