I picked up SD yesterday and once again, she has an attitude. She got in the car, I said 'hi' and she mumbled 'hey' and not a word all the way home (3 hours. Well, closer to 4 because we stopped at Wal Mart) and not a word. So, I ignore it and DH got home minutes before we did and she hangs out with him while I cook dinner. We sit at dinner and she won't look at me, won't talk, and if I look at her, she looks away.

So, I am TIRED of this. We've got a big party planned for Friday and if this keeps up, DH can stay home with her. I'm not going to let her ruin another weekend for me. She wants to go see fireworks, I refused to plan it. If DH wants to take her, he can... and I will stay home and take a bubble bath or watch a movie. I'm done planning fun for her, paying for it and being ignored. We made a special trip to San Francisco because the first trip, BM wouldn't bring SD down for us to get her so the next weekend, I made arrangements for another trip (at MY expense). SD was nice as soon as she found out we were going on the trip and good during the trip but went back to MISS ATTITUDE as soon as we got back. So, the rest of that weekend and the next were her having an attitude.

Now, before I'm told that it's not unusual at her age to have an attitude, I agree. I expect an occasional problem but not constantly giving dirty looks, ignoring and rolling eyes.

Well, we are eating dinner and I look at her. She starts to stare me down and I kindly ask her "what's wrong?" and she says "Huh?". So, I tell her, have I done something to make you treat me the way you've been treating me? She says no. I say, well why do you ignore me, give me these looks and roll your eyes at me all the time. She says, I don't know. So, I tell her... That's not good enough. I told her that I don't appreciate that she bad mouths me and treats me like this when I have done nothing but try to be nice to her. She finally admitted that her mom is telling her that she is going to live over there but we won't let her. I told her that she isn't going to move because she lives here and she will live here just like last year. She started to cry and say she doesn't want her dad to get sad because she wants to live with her mom. So, I asked her why she wants to live with her mom. She shrugged. She says I like the town and it's fun there. Then she started crying again and said that she loves living here too. I told her THAT is the reason it's not up to the child, because she loves her mom and she loves her dad and either way, she is going to miss one of them. She doesn't want to upset either one of them and since dad hasn't been putting pressure on her, she's been going along with her mom. I told her that it's not for her to worry about and that both her parents want what's best for her. They will decide where she will live and if they can't agree, then they ask the Judge to help decide... but it's not fair to ask a child to choose between two people she loves so much.

I also told her that daddy didn't take her away from her mom, that her mom made a choice to move and it wasn't our choice and it isn't SD's fault. Her mom has been telling her that we took her away from her and won't give her back. (like she's property, I guess) Her mom has been telling her that it's all MY fault and I made it clear to SD that none of the decisions are mine. I didn't make her mom move 3 hours away and I am not in charge of where she lives, her parents and the Judge are.

Whether it was right or wrong for me to tell her that (and DH was right there), I noticed an immediate improvement in SD's attitude. It was like a weight was lifted and she started talking and I sat there amazed at the transformation in this child. How rotten it is that her mom, no matter what the reason, has burdened her child with these adult issues and is making a difficult situation harder. I told SD that she should be having fun at moms and having fun at dads, without worrying about who she is going to live with.