In my area, children hardly ever repeat grades. There is a lot of evidence that repeating grades is detrimental socially and has little or no positive impact on learning.

You said your fiance paid for daycare since his son was one. However, now you saying he has never paid for after-care.

At which house is the boy staying next week? I am sure the GAL didn't mean that your fiance could call at the last minute and expect his ex to be sitting by the phone.

Where I live children are "retained" frequently, especially repeating Kindergarten, and especially if they attended Kidnergarten out of district. Parents are determined to give their child the best start. That being said, if the student is intelligent, the school may have said they expect he will be bored and will have MORE behaivor issues if held back and the school can not be responsible for these issues. Some people may hear that as a choice, some may hear put the student in first grade.

"You said your fiance paid for daycare since his son was one. However, now you saying he has never paid for after-care."

Yes. I said he paid for all of daycare UP UNTIL kindergarten. When STBSS started kindergarten last year, then my fiance paid all of his tuition--but there was no need for after-care because either BM or myself picked him up at the end of the school day.

"There is a lot of evidence that repeating grades is detrimental socially and has little or no positive impact on learning."

Lots of children repeat kindergarten here. If a child is immature for his/her age, then repeating kindergarten is not only done, but it is often recommended.

And, lastly, STBSS will be at our house all next week. I hardly think that calling her on Thurs. evening to make arrangements for the following week constitutes as "last minute."

And, yes, that IS what the GAL said. He told BM that she MUST be available to pick her son up from school if need be. Her selling point was that she is a SAHM and always available.

When did you sign up your child for the dance class? Why did your DH not tell her earlier that she would have to do pickup? I know if I wanted my X to pick up child (I know, laugh, laugh) I let him know as as soon as I identified issue. I am also not certain what you meant when GAL said if DH were unavailable to pick up child -- did someone not tell him that you would be doing pick ups?

I signed her up for the dance camp a couple weeks before we went on vacation--a little over 4 weeks ago.

He didn't tell her because until two days ago, we didn't know if the GAL was going to make him take STBSS to school. Our attorney had told us to proceed ahead with the notion that he would be starting school in OUR district in August. We just found out two days ago that my fiance HAS to take him to school in his mom's district, at least until the settlement hearing.

He only started school 3 days ago.

This is all very new.

When I was in sixth grade, there was a boy in my class whom I will never forget - having repeated a grade, he turned 13 during the school year. Unfortunately, he also developed early physically, so he was six feet tall and could grow a significant mustache. He really didn't fit in socially with the other boys. He developed major anger management issues, and on one occasion put his fist through the wall. It was kind of weird for the other kids, too, since it was like having a high schooler in their class.

Most of my children were on the young side of their classmates, and they did fine. My youngest missed the cutoff date (by a quite a bit, actually), and she complains frequently about being among the oldest in her class, even though there are numerous children in her class who are more physically mature than she is. She absolutely hates it.

Hadley, under Missouri Law, you are entitled to disqualify one Guardian Ad Litem.

http://www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C400-499/4520000423.HTM

Your lawyer should do so immediately since it appears he is not doing what is required.

your attorney should also make a request for a home study, a psychiatric evaluation of all parties, and interview all daycare providers, teachers, and relatives.

If you passively wait until this goes to court, you will lose. If the mother truly has an alcohol problem, then you need to take proactive action.

Did his attorney actually advise him to keep him out of school during the weeks he was with him? If so, I think he needs a new attorney (of course I already thought so, based on his other hare-brained counsel).

I don't argue that repeating isn't always an option. Girls mature physically (and often emotionally) a few years ahead of boys. I was a Sept. birthday so I was always a little on the old side--and I didn't like it because I got my period when I was 9 (yes, nine!) and was the height I am now (5'3") in 5th grade!

I taught K for 4 years and JK for 6 months, and I can tell you it is really common here for boys, especially younger ones, to repeat. Out of my 4 years teaching K, I had 3 boys repeat--not in my class personally, but they re-did K in another teacher's room.

My DD has a boy in her class that turned 7 at the end of April--he was a second year kindergartener.

I'm not saying it's right for every child, but if their are self-esteem issues/behavioral problems, etc. then it's probably not an unreasonable idea to consider.

In all fairness, TOS, you don't know my STBSS, so I don't think you can really say what would benefit him. My fiance's concerns have less to do with his age (my DD is actually 6 weeks younger than him and doing fine in school) and more to do with his self-confidence/behaviors.

It's a vicious circle--he started off K grossly behind the other children who had attended JK there first. He was at a pretty challenging private Catholic school--in retrospect, he probably should have started in JK there. He had spent his daycare years in a very play-based program. So he, sadly, started off at a disadvantage.

His self esteem is already very poor and he got so frustrated so quickly and kind of "gave up" if you will. The negative attention seeking then started at school, and then it was so cyclical, that it wasn't clear if he was not understanding the material because he didn't understand it--or because he wasn't paying attention. (We are guessing the latter, as he is very intuitive and perceptive--I really don't think it's an issue of not understanding.

When the school said he could not come back, my fiance immediately thought it would be great if he could have a fresh start and be one of the more advanced kids in the class--just to feel good about himself.

He is also very small physically. BM is short, 5'2" and my fiance is not very tall, either, at 5'8". So he may just come by that naturally.

Hadley - Your reasons for wanting DS to repeat Kindergarten seem very sound for me. Having a successful year could really turn things around for him, and his small size will help him blend right in.

TOS - You've given me an uncomfortable view into my own DS's year ahead. He will also turn 13 in sixth grade and has already been shaving for close to a year. Fortunately, since he has an IEP, the school has already agreed to give him a gym locker in a secluded area near the coach's office and they don't require showers - the physical differences would be pretty unmistakable, I'm afraid...

I think preschool should be play-based. In the "good old days," not so long ago, when my oldest kids were five, kindergarten was about learning social and readiness skills. By the end of kindergarten, they were expected to recognize most of the letters of the alphabet. By the time my 12 year old went to kindergarten, in the same part of the same state, they were teaching them to read and to do two digit addition without manipulatives. I think that is a huge mistake. They pushed the cut-off date back, and then proceeded to push the curriculum back as well. I don't think it is a matter of your fiance's son not having been ready for kindergarten - it sounds like the school wasn't ready for him. Hopefully the school he is in now has a more "developmentally appropriate" philosophy.

sweeby,

I am glad your son has been given accommodations to make gym bearable. Does he mind being on an IEP? Over the last year, my 12 year old daughter has become very unhappy about being on an IEP and going to the resource room, etc.

My sd repeated kindergarten. She did horribly all year, behavior and academically. So at the end of the year the school and he parents decided to hold her back. They transferred her to a public school the following year so she would be in a new place where nobody knew she had been in kindergarten the prior year.

She is now going into 5th grade and has always had lots of friends. She is actually shorter than some of the girls in the class and a little more developed up top. But it has not caused any issues. A few times friends have been at her birthday parties and asked her why she is older and we always say she just is. They let it go and it never seems to be a problem.

My son has a late birthday and is the oldest in his class most years. He does not mind and I feel that it has made him a lot more mature (emotionally) than the boys in his class.

As a teacher I often saw kids that had been held back in the earlier grades and they rarely had social issues different than their peers.

One year is not going to make a big difference, so do not worry about TOS's description of the hairy ogre in her kids school!

I think one has to also consider the standards of each school (the Kindergarten the child went to last year, and the proposed school). If the boy is intuitive, he will understand he is repaeating a grade.

"By the time my 12 year old went to kindergarten, in the same part of the same state, they were teaching them to read and to do two digit addition without manipulatives."

I don't think this is a bad thing. I completely agree that preschool these days is "the new kindergarten." Kids go into kindergarten and are expected to know their letters, some sight words, etc. STBSS had a disadvantage from the start because he had not been at his school since JK like the other kids in the class--he was 1 of 3 new kiddos to start kinder. He should have started in JK but hindsight is 20-20.

My daughter attends a private school and has been there since Pre-K; she has been reading--and I mean really reading, not just memorization, but really decoding words--since the beginning of kindergarten. BUT I attribute that to the fact that she had a solid start there in pre-K.

Now, she is also a girl, so it doesn't surprise me that she is ahead of STBSS in the reading area especially. But my point is, kids are certainly capable of learning to read in kinder, if not before, if they are given the right tools.

I wish we had been able to have STBSS have more time at his school and at least see if everything worked itself out.

I disagree. Kids will learn to read on their own timetable, and forcing reading on kids who are not ready is a mistake.

The only reason that preschool can be "the new kindergarten" is that most people are waiting a year longer to start their kids in school. I was four when I started kindergarten, as were a couple of my kids; now, some kids have already turned six.