kkny, This thread was starting (and I referred to the other thread because that was where you wrote the line I thought was judgmental on your part) but I wasn't clear in my original post. I have quoted the line that I meant from that thread and I thought it is ridiculous that you are basically saying that SM's have a double standard regarding responsibility when you apparently have never made a mistake, except letting your registration expire. Maybe you are more perfect than I thought, so I apologize for thinking you might have ever done anything wrong or that your DD was a normal teenager with problems that normal teenagers have, I guess I am wrong there too. It must be nice to have a teenage girl that doesn't get moody, talk back occasionally, or do anything wrong, except get B's. Now, I envy you a little. We all have a right to express our opinions and disagree. It is more about the personal attacks against moral character. and I don't think your profession (or socioeconomic status), regardless of what it is, has anything to do with deserving to express your opinion, but perhaps it has been the way you write "I'm a professional" that makes it sound like you are saying you are better than the next person that isn't a "professional", when your being a professional has nothing to do with your opinions on step families. Some of the sleaziest criminals were "professionals" but that didn't make them better than the honest guy picking up garbage for a living. My careers have had some direct influence on my opinions because it's what I have experienced that caused me to have the opinions I have. And it's also my life experiences that I have learned from that formed my opinions, so that is why I have shared them. I made mistakes many years ago and I'm not the same person, I have learned and grown from it. I've been very open and honest about my life. I don't see that you are as open and honest, yet you lump SM's into a group and judge. finedreams, I don't think you were told not to talk about children, but if you only have one (that is problem free) and you use her as an example, then you should realize also that all kids are different. If you work with kids or have other experiences, then use that as an example. and I agree with you on cheating, it is never right. Is it really necessary to personally attack each other?

Please take the self righteous act some where's else. I was wondering if in the "for TOS" post at anytime you would jump in. You didn't. TOS accused me of being a liar and the TOW which I am niether. She accused my husband of being a bad father for leaving the wife who is an addict and a mental basket case and not taking the kids with him. He couldn't....it is STILL going through courts. He has them FINALLY but it still is not fully legal. She surrendered them herself due to "not being able to handle it." TOS actually thought he should of stayed in the house with the crazy ex AND her new boyfriend untill the custody papers where signed. He'd still be living there today and would of probably of killed his ex by now. Not good for the kids. With all the nasty, underhanded and heartless judgements she passed on me....there was not a peep from you. Had it been the other way around...you would of been all over it. What is your deal. If you want to call folks out for being negative and nasty to each other and be taken seriously.....at least do it for everyone and not just the few that ironically enough are the ones constantly stirring up the pot. Are you an alter ego created by TOS or KKNY?

TOS, I don't need a website to tell me that the majority of kids today are in non intact families. I was surprised back when I worked for social services, how many children lived with grandparents and other relatives. I was equally shocked at how many father's had custody and uninvolved mothers. I was a single mother and I figured that there were very few mother's that didn't have custody or see their children. While KKNY can yell from the rooftops that only 10% of fathers have custody, I think that's an outdated statistic. It may not be much higher, but that doesn't mean 90% of mothers have custody. Obviously, if 4.5 million (and I still think it's higher) children live with grandparents and I saw many cases of children living with other relatives that would not be included in those statistics (as well as non relatives raising someone's kids)... when you factor that in, the percentage of mother's raising their children drops. KKNY, like I said, you can't discuss EVERY possible scenario before you get remarried. When there are children involved, you have to accept the unexpected. I guess the first rule is IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, DON'T MARRY SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T LIKE CHILDREN. Doodle married someone with small children and it's clear she loves kids. How can you anticipate whether you will want to babysit grandkids or how often (I think most people would want to babysit their grandkids) 15-20 years from now? Nobody can look into the future and tell what will happen years or decades from now. Like I said, i am looking forward to my grandkids. I can't say for sure if I will be available to babysit when my kids want me to. I think that when you get married, the best you can do is discuss how you feel about family and look at your partner's family ties... Id family as important to them as it is to you? etc. Some families are very close while some only get together at the holiday's or hardly ever. I think it's important to discuss family in general, it would also alleviate disagreements over in laws, etc. And then since the divorce rate is over 50% (and rising), I suppose that prior to the first marriage, while talking about whether they will have kids and how many, they should start discussing who will get custody and what kind of parenting plan they might have in the future. They should discuss how a step parent will play into the equation. After all, it's more likely than not for today's children to experience their parent's divorce, live in a single parent household, and eventually, live in a blended family. Might as well discuss it before having kids. I think you are right, the more you discuss, the better. And I'm always in favor of putting it in writing. People tend to change their minds and forget what they agreed to.

good luck to you and your daughter! You know when my dad and SM officially became "empty nesters" they accumulated 6 dogs and 9 birds...there house is more noisy now than with children lol!