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Something on the 'Is This Normal' got me thinking...

16 years ago

KKNY said - "If my Xs SO were complainin about my child's college application, etc., I would say she is overstepping her role."

Let's say DH and I are hanging out talking about various things and SD comes up, and I say something to the effect of "I'm worried about SD because blah, blah, blah" or maybe I say "It bothers me when SD blah, blah, blah."

Is that overstepping?

Here's the deal...part of being married is being able to confide safely in the other person. I WANT my DH to be able to talk to me about things, but he should be able to listen as well. DH should know (and if he doesn't I've already failed at this marriage after only 6 months) me well enough to know that anything I say about SD or his relationship (or lack of) with her comes from a place of love, and that I only want the best for both of them. I know that about DH's relationship with DS. Even when I think DH is being too hard on him, I still know that he loves him and wants what's best for him.

IMO, "overstepping" wouldn't be complaining on some internet forum or even talking to DH. The only "overstepping" would be if I talked to BM or SD.

What I find the most interesting about this statement is that in the other thread, Caphillsm never mentioned talking to BM or SS about anything other than re-writing the thank-you letter. She said she talked to DH about the other stuff (unless I missed it).

If I am correct, what KKNY is saying is that SMs should never talk to their own husbands about their husband's kids; SMs should cook and clean for the kid(s), but are to never say anything about them to DH.

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Comments (4)

pseudo_mom
16 years ago
You are correct.

We are supposed to support them no matter what financially physically keep the house clean cook transport them pick up things they forget EVERYTHING but offer an opinion unless its of course to kiss the ground they walk on....

I saw in a thread somewhere about treating SC like the family dog .... well I do not like dogs so that analogy didn't help me ... so I went with the cat analogy .... then I realized a cat doesn't care if you are there or not as long as they have a place to do their business and food is available .. they do not come when called, ignore you every chance you get .... but still want you to clean up after them, get their food ready, pay attention to them when they seek it... but don't bother them otherwise...

So for the most part I treat them like the neighbor kids ... have to follow the rules in my home but its up their parents what kind of adults they will become....
pseudo_mom
16 years ago
by dog I meant ... play with entertain rub their heads praise them give them treats etc.
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justmetoo
16 years ago
I think you're both giving waaaaaay too much credit here to the thought process, cause a few of the posters here seem to think Sms should not exist at all. LOL
finedreams
16 years ago
I think Stepparents could and should contribute their concerns and opinions about stepkids.

BUT there is a big difference between stepparents raising their SKs or at least knowing them for a long time and stepparents who met their SKs when they are already adults and don't even live together yet they immediately start criticizing SKs life choices.

I think it is unreasonable. I think if someone who met DD now when she is 22 started criticizing her college choices or her career choices, it would be rather unreasonable.

as about finances, I don't think stepparents must contribute for college expenses. I am not sure about the law. Maybe I am wrong.

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