decorpas, She IS trying to stir up trouble. She IS competing for attention. and yes, she IS a child. Acknowledging that she is doing these things doesn't mean she wrong or bad. The OP is trying to understand what is going on and why would she do this and maybe needs suggestions on how to handle it. The answer is she wants attention or she wants to get dad mad at FSM. Those are the facts of what she is doing. It would be wrong to say 'evil child' and call her a troublemaker and blame her for causing a problem. She's being a child and children don't always know how to communicate their feelings so they act out. Now that OP knows why she's doing it, she needs to be the adult and handle it in a way to help the child feel more secure. She's gotten some great suggestions here. That's an excellent suggestion for her to call the child and try to earn her trust. I think I also suggested that dad should tell her to call him directly, that would redirect the focus from FSM to dad/child. I also think dad should spend more time making her feel she isn't losing him and this new baby won't replace her. (someone else said that too) It's one thing to say 'she's starting trouble' and use it to blame her for problems and another thing to acknowledge that her starting trouble is a cry for attention and she's a child that is communicating her needs by acting out. Of course it's up to the adults to act like adults. as for my own kids, I can tell when they are trying to cause problems or get other people in trouble. I also look for the reason they are doing that. I would treat them the same. I don't blame children for acting like children. Now my teenagers that try to start trouble to deflect from what they are doing wrong, I can also see through that. That is not a cry for help or attention, so I treat that differently.

Wow, i just gav eyou advice about the phone issue. Even thought the biomom blocked the phone calls. cause that is what happen with me. I'm really sorry to hear that her mom passed away. THis completely sheds more light on the situation for me. My mother died when i was 10 going on 11 as well. Its a very hard time and yup i think this girl needs reassurance. Even if she is trying to start trouble . please have patience with her. I'm sure you do cause you sound like a great person ( you opened a school fund for her) Do what is best for this child and the mil can stuff it. All this talk about losing money!!!! Do what is best for the child. Keep her close to her dad and to you and teach her well.

The Columbine massacre was planned right in the bedroom of the guilty. They were getting info off the internet on how to make bombs and plan shootings. When the rooms were searched after the horrible incident, one of the boy's bedroom was found to be littered with guns,extra amo and bomb making materials. IMHO the parents were negligent and should of been charged. Here is hard core evidence right in your face(this event was planned in the home) that your son was involved in VERY dark activities and you as a parent failed to see it. Was it a case of too busy parents or too much privacy? All it would of taken is opening the door once in awhile (not even SNOOPING but just opening the door) and all those lives could of been saved. This is a VERY VERY VERY extreme case I know but my point is sometime the privacy is a cope out so parents don't have to deal with their kid's issues. Out of site out of mind mentality is a common avoidance tactic for in denial parents. If the child is normal, happy, has good friends, makes good grades,home on time kindof kid....sure they DESERVE privacy. They have earned it by making responsible choices. If I for one second thought my child was in any kindof danger my responsibilty as a parent would override the need for the child to have privacy. The decision is on our children as to how much privacy they will be allowed.

Sorry ashley missed your post.... Mom called DSS back in July when I refused to let SD talk to her mom after she had already been on the phone with her for 4 hours. When DSS came to our home they didn't find anything to really charge any of us with .... but they felt SD actions required some immediate intervention... so they came once in july once in aug and once in sept. to our home but they go weekly to mom's on either a wed or fri... to "meet with the children" because every monday and thurs mom would call and report us to DSS for something else .... she even took SD9 and SS10 to the police station to file a report against hubby because he let them go to their mothers instead of arguing with them ... she said he was just looking to get rid of them ... then she had them speak to the judge how "they were afraid to come home" So DSS thinks SD is in danger. The boys are in counseling mom met with their counselors last week ... I spoke with the counselor on tues (14th) and said ... well DSS had til friday (10th) to have services in place so I am guessing they are closing the case ... DSS called me an hour later to tell me they are keeping the case open and that the counselors filed against mom for emotional abuse of my SC. DSS told us in Sept they had big plans ... for us ... including family therapy, daily visits from a parenting aide, a whole list of "things" and none of it had been put in place by the 10th that was the end date of the 45 day assessment. Mom calls DSS one month before they have to go back to court this is the third time she has called but its the first time anything came of it .... When I spoke with DSS they said the parenting aide wasn't going to work because that was only an 8-week assessment and our case is going to take longer than 8 weeks .... If I hear one more person say for the sake of the children I am just going to explode!!!