I read your post over several times, and don't think it would be appropriate to 'tell you what to do'. I would like to give you some things to think about though.

You say that the girl's father had them for several years if I'm correct? Is he involved in finding a solution too? If he's around I feel he should be.

Then you say "boyfriend wants nothing to do with her or baby". While that may be true, the law may say otherwise -- in fact, it does.

With all you have going on, consulting with an attorney or contacting a family court to find out what your daughter's rights are would be wise. I'm sure down the road a DNA test will be required to determine that he is the father too.

You apparently had enough feelings for your husband to give the marriage a 2nd chance. Spiritually and ethically, your vows were to him. You say "he changed" but you don't say in what ways. Perhaps finding himself overwhelmed, which the situation you describe could easily do, may account for that.

Working on the marriage, I feel, is a priority here, yet, you are a mother. What I would suggest is to find affordable family counseling, in addition to some legal advice. The situation, indeed, is very complicated and only someone knowing everyone's feelings and the details of the entire situation could advise you effectively.

The worst time to make a life changing decision is when confused and emotions are taking over.

In my opinion, whoever allowed her to live with boyfriend is the one that should be dealing with the consequences most. If she went with both parent's consent, then both parents should be involved in the solution (and if she didn't have consent from either, then not doing anything to get her back is the same as consenting in my opinion)

How you handle this situation may very well set the standard for your younger daughter. Should you leave your husband to take care of your daughter? Well, put yourself in your husband's shoes. It sounds like your daughter is rebellious... going from dad's to your house.. then to boyfriend. Why did she leave dad's? Why did she leave yours? It sounds like she doesn't like rules or want anyone to tell her what to do, except now she gets herself into a situation she can't handle alone and brings her problems back to you. Did anyone tell your daughter she was doing anything wrong? Did anyone talk to her about the consequences of what she was doing? The circumstances from before she became pregnant is relevant to how your husband may feel. If it were your daughter that had been living with you continuously that came home and said, "I'm pregnant.. help." that is different than a daughter that has been in and out of everyone's homes and was difficult enough in the past to cause you to feel the need to divorce your husband the first time.

I disagree with anyone that tells you to leave. I'm not telling you to stay, but lynnfrances is right, only YOU can make that decision. If you leave, your daughter may or may not want or need your help. She's 18. Legally she's an adult, yet we would all agree they usually aren't fully cooked at 18. After you leave your husband, she could get back together with boyfriend. She could get a new boyfriend. She could have more babies. What kind of help are you going to provide by leaving your husband? If she isn't 'comfortable', well I'd tell her to grow up and deal with it. I'm sure your husband may not be comfortable with a pregnant unwed teen sleeping on the couch and the prospect of possibly raising her baby if she can't. I would get upset if I were asked to displace my minor child to accommodate her and a baby. Not knowing the problems you had in the past that led to your divorce, I venture to guess that your husband may still hold some resentment for any problems your daughter's have created in your marriage and now that you are remarried, your marriage should be a priority. I also sense that you might feel a bit guilty for this happening?

I had my first child at 17 so I know that yes, your daughter needs some support, but she also needs to take responsibility for this. You can't fix it and ending your marriage to help her probably isn't an answer. Instead of asking your husband to move his son from her former room, I would have asked husband "what do you think we should do to help her?" Having a pregnant teenager move into the house affects EVERYONE in the house and everyone should be involved in decisions.

The father of this baby should be paying support and if he isn't willing, then get a child support action filed now. Some states will only go back to the date the case is filed, while others will go back to cover pregnancy costs.

It seems like you haven't had many follow-ups to your post and I think that's because IMA and LynnFrances addressed everything so well (and it's easy to read between the lines). I also read your post many times. What a tough situation. I do agree that that SS shouldn't be displaced because of the irresponsible predicament an 18-year-old created.

I'm not saying to divorce husband nor turn your back on your daughter. She does need legal help w/regard to support from the unborn child's father and she also needs prenatal care. These two areas are a good place to start helping her. Additionally, she most likely needs some counseling on child rearing. Did your daughter graduate from high school or does she have a G.E.D.? Does she work? The more ducks in a row she has before this child is born, the better off you all will be. Good Luck

If the 12 year old moved out of the room, where would be sleep? On the couch? That is unacceptable. I can see asking him to sleep on the couch for a week if grandma is visiting, but long term? Not fair to him. Since your daughter was sleeping on the couch I assume you don't have a spare bedroom? Is there a basement space that can be finished?

I also don't see why you would leave. Your husband has every right to be aggravated. Your ADULT daughter is pregnant and now wants to move in and presumably have the baby there? Have you asked him if that is ok with him? You need to sit down together and decide what you will do for her, and it would be good if you could include her father in the conversation.

Does she work?

I would like to add something here but I don't think I can. Everything I would have said has already been said. Well done, gals, you've really hit the nail on the head with this one :)

All the best to you, Junebug.

Why cant the 12 and 16 year old boys share a room? Whose house it is? It seems to me that OP is living in her DHs house -- if she can accept that, fine. I wonder re story of why girls moved out. I am not saying the right answer is for 18yr old to move in, but I wonder about this arrangement.

Imagine being 18, pregnant and abandoned by the boyfriend. Pretty miserable state of affairs. My heart goes out to her. She needs the support of her parents like never before, not to mention the baby-to-be.

If your husband is turning his back on her, all I can say is I hope his sons never need the kind of help that your daughter needs right now. It's heartless to make her sleep on the sofa. Once the baby is born she needs to get her life on track, but that would be hard to do until the baby has arrived and she has recovered from the birth.

I see why your husband was upset. Your daughter chose to live with her boyfriend at a way too young age, got pregnant, and now she gets to come home and take away your ss's room! Hardly seems fair!

I do not think your daughter should be out on the street. If you make her get her own place with a baby right now then she will probably not get an education and she will probably end up settling for some guy who she thinks will take care of her and start on a bad path.

What I suggest is helping her through college. She is not your dependant as far as financial aid is concerned once she becomes a parent. So this will leave her eligible for many grants.

I was in the same situation at her age and community college was free to me because of grants and I kept an A average. My dad helped me and I worked full-time at a daycare through college so I got a discount for my son and was still able to spend part of the day with him. Then I went to classes the other part of the day and he stayed at the daycare.

Help her get on her feet so she can support herself and the baby. Yes, she should go for child support but you don't want her dependant on it. God knows there are many deadbeat dads and what if hers is one!

As for your dh I would work on things with him. Set up a plan together for household rules and a time frame of how long you will help your daughter.

As for her sleeping arrangements, sleeping on a couch and putting a crib by it may not work. Maybe she could take the smallest room and the boys could have the largest one?

One more sidenote. When I became pregnant at 18 I also had 2 other friends who were about my age and had babies. Both their parents refused to take them in or help them.

One of the girls has had 5 children, all have been taken away by the state. She has finally overcome a drug addiction and is beginning to try to fight to see her kids and just got a good job and a place of her own.

The other girl married young. Had another child. Divorced soon after. Moved in with some guy. Married him. Never continued her education and lives paycheck to paycheck with her husband. He is a good guy, but I do believe she settled because she was struggling to support 2 kids on her own. She is a good mother, but worries constantly about money. Her husband works 2 jobs and she works one. They are not happy but can't afford to change it.

I got an education, bought a house, and was doing well raising my son on my own. I dated a lot and didn't settle for just any guy. I waited to settle down until I met my dh, who is a wonderful guy. And I think we have a pretty fantastic life together.

If my father would have turned me away I would have never gone to college and may have had a similar situation as the second friend I told you about. Who knows?

Just some food for thought.

If my DD were to become pregnant at 18, I would move heaven and earth to help her get back on the straight and narrow. At the risk of getting flamed, I would strongly suggest adoption. But no matter what she chose, my heart and my home would be open.

What compassionate suggestions and testimony from Mom2emall. And I've also got to agree with KKNY about adoption being a wonderful option to consider.

These days, there seems to be much more pressure for young girls to keep their babies than there is support to help them do so. And while there's a lot less condemnation for teenage pregnancy, there's not much compassion for it either.

I know people who have adopted children, and have wonderful homes for them (Steve Jobs of Apple is adopted) and have allowed young mothers to make a life for themselves. I think a young mother putting a child up for adoption is the most selfless thing she can do.

Adoption is a wonderful choice for some young mothers. Other young mothers have gone onto provide a wonderful life for their child. Each situation is unique.

So Junebug - (Interesting name - isn't that what Juno's dad called her in the movie?)

Anyway - Do you think your DD will 'straighten out' and finish her education if you do what Mom2emall's father did? Or do you think she needs more 'tough love' before she's ready to grow up?

So Junebug - (Interesting name - isn't that what Juno's dad called her in the movie?)

Anyway - Do you think your DD will 'straighten out' and finish her education if you do what Mom2emall's father did? Or do you think she needs more 'tough love' before she's ready to grow up?

You should not make the SS give up his room. You can take in your DD, but I would not make things so comfortable for her that you rearrange your household to accomodate her. You should contact social services in your area as well. She might qualify for education and child care assistance. If she takes back up with the father or some other low-life guy, I would not tolerate that. She should pursue child support from the father, but not a yo-yo relationship with him (i've seen women do that a lot!)

I have some compassion for your husband. He probably sees himself in a neverending obligation to support your DD and raise her child. Kids are supposed to grow up and leave at some point.