'Real' anything has good symbolic significance, and usually some practical utility as well. A piece of furniture, like a trunk or bench is also good. Most local woodworkers would be able to custom make one for you. Your choices of materials, woods, and detailing can add to (or reduce) the total costs involved to the point where a custom made piece may be as affordable (maybe more so) than some retail already made pieces. You can kind of sit in a quiet place and brain storm about the transition from 17 to 18 for yourself. You also have particular knowledge about your daughter and what you know of her ambitions and hopes, as well as her current hobbies and interests. Give yourself some time, and some space to let the best ideas just come to you. Plus, you have the benefit of being able to consult at least a little bit with the gift recipient in question.

Jayne, a beautiful quilt for your daughter, outstanding work! Love the butterflies on the border! Yes, I learned the hard way (years ago) that SID quilting by hand was not the best way. Guess we just think "well, it's just quilting after all, what could be bad?" And then, we find out..... Teresa

Tell her you love her and that you can explain when shes ready. Be very patient with her, no force or pressure! She's in a tough spot with her Mom pressuring her. If you pressure, she wont have a no pressure place to go. Her friends may help her to understand who the manipulater is. Yet she will still want to support her mom. Yet she must learn to let her fight her own battles. Give her time to grow. And let her sort out her feelings, with out you in the conflict in her heart. Your e-mails witll keep her informed of the baby and your love. Tell her enough about the house to keep her cognitive awareness real. Thank God for e-mail.

Interesting, Ida. After I retired, I too started a healing journey. I wanted to rediscover who I was after being defined 24/7 by where I worked for over 30 years. This whole thread has triggered a ton of thoughts so in no particular order, I'll jot them here. I pursued MBSR: Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction which was developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn and is based on mindful meditation from buddhism. He is retired now from UMass Medical school where he developed this program as a way to help patients deal with chronic pain. Buddhism is really a philosophy that is compatible with religions and need not be a replacement but can be a companion. MBSR is taught in a secular and scientific way, giving us tools to understand stress, what causes it, and how to handle it. There are many different meditation practices, but I found theirs to be targeted at my high stress levels at the time and easy to learn as they use guided meditations. I have since enjoyed many different types of meditation. I strongly recommend guided meditations for anyone who is struggling with the process. It helps one maintain focus and calls back the wandering mind. A wandering mind is what everyone has and is perfectly normal and part of the process. It is not a sign that "I can't meditate." Free podcasts are available with specific themes at Meditation Oasis on line which I've enjoyed. Also youtube is chock full of meditations of various sorts and good to play with (lately I've been doing chakra with singing bowls). Over time I've found different types of meditations are helpful depending upon where I'm at and what I need. Meditation is not a goal to achieve or a place to go. It is not a state of tranquility or bliss. It is a practice. It is becoming aware of what is happening right now...even if what is happening right now is negative such as stress, anxiety, fear, pain, worry, etc. It is noticing without doing anything about it, without judging, but with compassion and curiosity. (I believe it was Eckhart Tolle who talked of addiction and said the first thing of course is to admit you have a problem, but the second most important thing is to feel what you are feeling...this is the heart of meditation...experience what is there for you in this moment.) I've enjoyed listening meditations very much...you become an antenna to receive whatever sounds are there for you, pleasant and unpleasant, just noticing what is there without judgment, with equanimity. You can remember hearing sounds in the past, you can anticipate hearing sounds in the future, but you can only actually hear them in the present moment. And as *all* sounds are part of your present moment, I've found myself becoming increasingly imperturbable during these sessions...much harder to be distracted. Yes to Pema Chodron. For those looking to deal with grief, I highly recommend Maria Sirois, "A Short Course in Happiness After Loss". She is a wonderful woman ...I was fortunate enough to attend one of her seminars ...and her book helped me a lot. I will also recommend "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. Also "The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael A. Singer. Another I found very interesting was "Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama" by Daniel Goleman. Many of these types of authors I found watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday where she interviewed the authors. There is a difference between religion and spirituality. "“Everything in the past is memory and everything in the future is imagination. Those are both illusions – memories are unreliable and we just speculate about the future. The only thing that's completely real is this one instant of the present – and that's constantly changing from imagination to memory." -- Jeffrey Deaver "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one." -- Albert Einstein