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Maid/Matron of Honor

19 years ago

My daughter was recently engaged, and has a dilema regarding a maid of honor and/or matron of honor. She wants to ask her best friend to be maid of honor, but also wants to include her sister-in-law as an attendant. If she has a maid of honor, is it possible to also have a matron of honor? Or if not, what is a married attendant who is not matron of honor called?

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Comments (7)

Meghane
19 years ago
I've been a married attendent without being the matron of honor. I was listed as a bride's maid. Of course, if your daughter wants both women to be honor attendents, I don't see anything wrong with having both a maid and a matron of honor.

Keep in mind, this is coming from the woman who had 2 best men and a maid of honor!
Vickey__MN
19 years ago
Just remember only ONE signs the marriage license.

Vickey-MN
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If I'm understanding you correctly, it's not so much about the title as it is about the idea that there is one special person who is sort of responsible for all the things that an MOH would normally be responsible for, both at the wedding and in the days leading up to it. I think you have some options here. You can assign one of your other bridesmaids to step in and take those duties. You can split those duties among all your other bridesmaids. You can ask a family member who is close but not already in the wedding to take those duties. You can do any of the above without actually calling someone "maid of honor". If you're worried about having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, I think that your friend would understand and not feel bad that you asked another person to stand up for you. These days, though, anything goes. I've seen weddings with lopsided attendants and it was just fine. Unless you're printing a program (I guess that's almost the norm these days?) no one will even know if you have a MOH or not, they'll just see the attendants standing up there. Even if you do have a program and just name your absent friend as MOH, again, no big deal. The thing is, there just aren't any "rules" about these things. If you want to have two or more or no MOHs, who's going to tell you not to? It's all about what makes you comfortable as long as those attendants are all on board.
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It's your wedding, have who you want. I agree with the other poster who said your friends should not be upset about being chosen "second." They don't even have to know why. Just say "she" cannot attend after all and I would like to ask you. It's not a lie, it's just no one's business. If she gets offended, then yes, consider making new friends. When I got married we totally did it in an untraditional way. Like I said, it's MY wedding... I can do what I want. We just each had attendants, of both sexes, in both lines. One of my closest friends is male, should I exclude him from my wedding party? Of course not! So we each had both sexes in our wedding lines. We called the two signing our certificates "Attendants of Honor." We did not call any of them bridesmaids or groomsmen. Simply Attendants. It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you don't want a MOH, don't have one.
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gellchom
19 years ago
You can have as many honor attendants as you please, and you can call any attendants anything you like. It's not like they are wearing cards around their necks at the ceremony!

I see plenty of weddings with more than one maid and/or matron of honor, and for that matter, "man of honor" or "best woman" (or whatever you want to call a brother or male best friend being a bride's honor attendant, sister or female buddy for groom).

The point is to include the people who are closest to you and let that dictate the arrangement, not to force your friends and family into with pre-set roles as if you were casting a chorus for a musical: one maid of honor, one best man, must have equal numbers of men and women -- forget it!

I am guessing that part of your question is about whether it is okay to call a married woman a "bridesmaid" (because we are familiar with the term "matron of honor," but not "bridesmatron")? Sure, of course. I'm sure no one ever thought of someone's being a bridesmaid as an announcement of her single status.
sweet_pea10
19 years ago
I agree with Gellchom. It is fine to have more than one honor attendant and one does not have to be married and one single. It is fine to have two (or more) maids of honor or two matrons of honor. Brides with sisters do it all the time.

The guests won't care what the titles are, but it is often important to the ladies to feel honored by the bride with the special designation. Therefore, it is important to divide up the duties of the MOH. One person can stand next to the bride during the ceremony and the other can sign the marriage license. One can give a toast on behalf of both of them or both can give a toast.
sheilajoyce_gw
19 years ago
I asked our wedding consultant how it is done these days as we had a married bridesmaid, and the others as well as the maid of honor were all single. The term "bridesmaid" also referred to her, I was told. So that's what we did.

The rules are so much more flexible these days, and it worked fine for us.
talley_sue_nyc
19 years ago
the women on my softball team were referred to as "first baseman" and "second baseman."

"bridesmaid" is not a restrictive term. People know what it means--the bride's attendants who are not the honor attendant.
maidofhonor
18 years ago
Designating someone a maid of honor should really be about symbolically telling someone that you care about them, and not as much about formal etiquette.

So you could have one be maid of honor and the other be matron of honor. Or, they could just be co-maids of honor (not everyone likes being known as matron of honor...). If your friend prefers to have her married sister be a bridesmaid, she's still called bridesmaid. It's really about what works for your friend in her specific circumstances. Don't bother asking Miss Manners!

For the technical definitions of maid, matron of honor , etc., read this article on the name maid of honor.

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