Whirlpool vs jet I use my whirlpool constantly, with oils, salts, bubbles, everything they say you shouldn't do. I run bleach through once a month, and have never had a mold problem. That said, if cost is not an issue I do prefer jets. Less noise, and the water level can be lower. Overlooked mstbath features: Fans. One over the shower, definitely the toilet in a separate closet with a fan. Love having my own sink w/o shaving whiskers. Laundry: Have had both, and for me the one that works is upstairs, with enough room to fold and hang. Specialized rooms: Yes, we put lofts in at one end above each of the cathedral ceiling bedrooms and media room on the second floor. The lofts are "away" space, room to tuck a visitor, a library. They are very inexpensive space to build. The mstr bedroom has a very small sitting room with french doors which is a noise buffer to teenage son's room. His closet also backs that wall as additional noise insulation. The media room has a closet-like (doors fold back the length of the wall) craft area, again as a noise buffer. Upstairs media/ent. if you have children above 10, the gang hangs out there and the moms have coffee below. A baby monitor turned low keeps everyone nice, you hear the shrieks without eavesdropping. Having had J&J, the issue of who cleaned them was always on the table (floor, shower, LOL). We plan in the new house to have a J&J which only shares a walk-in shower. Back to back toilets save plumbing costs, each side has own sink and storage. One door leads to a bedroom (boy) the other leads to the hall, the shower has two doors, one for each side. It's important to keep the kids close to you, young or teens. Where would you want to be in a fire? Loud noises in the night? (For us, a bear break-in) Close enough to grab the kids. I LOVE having 2 sinks in the kitchen, one on an island on the side away from the main sink. The prep sink has to be at least 18" wide. This allows for a prep site and a cleanup zone, the kitchen functions much better. Dishwasher drawers have come down in price and up in reliability, the convenience is better than a single d/w. I'm short, so my main sink has to be a farm sink. That way I can have my 9" depth without standing on tiptoe. Saves my back, too. Double ovens- honestly, no, never. I need a wide convection oven/range that will hold professional cookie sheets and large 26" casseroles. After that, a convection/bake microwave is the most-used in our house. Consider a trash compactor- the downside is that the trash is so heavy that only DH can take it out. Did I call that a downside? The upside is that you save money on trash collection every month. Pantry space depends upon how far you live from the supermarket and how many people you're feeding, and if you get snowed in during winter. A recycle center in the lazy susan corner is a favorite of mine, also a larger floor plan so that my huge hubby can fan himself (I laughed at the post that mentioned this) at the fridge door, a french door style fridge so I can get by while the above event is happening. A larger floor plan so that short people don't have to reach for things in upper cabinets because there is enough base cabinet storage. Pop-ups for the bread machine and the kitchenaid mixer because they are large and heavy. Lower than 36" bases because that's chest high for me. A second, higher tier for DH to make sandwiches on. And a large appliance cupboard with outlets inside so that toasters, mixers, juicers, blenders, and cuisinart have a permanent home. A home for coffee/tea prep which is away from my main cooking area. Separate zones for breakfast cereal/milk so that I have a clear path to my coffee in the morning. As you can tell, I'm particular about my kitchen...and every kitchen is personal. We're renting a recently built custom home while we build. They're tall people, and the island hits my arm pits. Lots of HIIIGH cabinets (sigh). We've lived in a lot of houses in our marriage. Anyway, what I learned is that every house needs to be personalized. New or used, make it work for you. Every kitchen is a tear-out unless it work for you...never, ever build for "the next people", make it custom for your lifestyle. And, I also learned that 12' ceilings are too tall, 10" is just right. We're in Northern CA (turn right at San Francisco and keep driving until you hit a deer. You're there.) One last note: The house we're renting is 3400sf plus 3-car garage, cherry floors and cabinets, stone and granite tile, all amenities. The husband built it himself (no prior experience) with one helper over a two-year period, finished in 2006. For $400K. Then they went off to run a B&B, needed a new challenge. I have rarely seen a nicer house. A friend of ours built a 2000sf house himself over a 5 year period for $60 a square foot. So, be brave, it can be done.

we've had a few contractors out and they all nixed my original upstairs plans because they said that wall could not be removed. so now we are getting estimates for butting the wall out a bit to the left (in the middle room) and removing the closet in order to create a 9x10 bedroom, and then having a hallway to the back bedroom. i'm very happy with the new plans, but i'm anxiously awaiting to see how much it will cost. we have some roofing issues we have to deal with in order to expand the middle room the mere 3x5 feet - but it will make all the difference and allow us to have a usable bedroom. i can't wait!

I agree with Sweeby, I would start looking at better paying jobs and start socking some money away in your own bank account. It will keep you independant and you will know you'll have your own money to contribte and spend on what you want as you see fit, you will not be beholden to ask him for money. I totally hate that too and have been into that position for the past month and a half, went to work last night for the first time in 1 month and my knee started hurting after 6 hours but I took a pain pill was careful and got through it. It felt so good to earn my own money again! I'll take today off & work tomorrow. I feel like when I ask DH for money I'm in a way subjugating myself to him in a way. Plus then it makes me feel ike I *have* to do things I would ordinarily not want to do but usually get guilted into doing anyway. My DH has lied to me about finances also & admitted it. I know it still happens though. I know where we are now I would be entitled to half the house should we divorce but frankly I don't want it, I would just take my stuff & go. I did insist on the life ins policy and DH fought me all the way on it, he thought I was terrible for insisting he even address it (he is 11 yr.s older than me & owes back taxes!), but I was constantly worried if he dies I would be financially devstated and left with a home that more is owed than it's worth and a stack of fat bills.. I pay for the life ins policy btw, DH just had to have the physical. It does give me peace of mind that at least I can survive if something were to happen,kwim? I do understand your dilemna though my DH is far more concerned about supporting the adult Skids than putting away for his retirement, it is sad as I think he will have to work until he dies-but that most certainly is not my plan! Making your own money is your best bet to gaining some independance/better self esteem and taking back control of your life...that's what I'm working on too.

sieryn, Beleive me, things will continue going this way if you and only you decided that enough is enough. Been there, had the T-shirt. I've been a step parent for 18 yrs. I've always made more money that DH. Which means, i bought HIS children xmas gifts, i bought the groceries, i bought this, bought that, etc. etc. etc. etc . for YEARS until one day i said enough is enough. I am not saying DH didn't or hasn't contributed to our lives but i was always the one who was the first to spend the money. I stopped this almost one year ago when behind my back he gave his oldest daughter 500 $. Stop paying and it doesn't mean you don't love these children, it means you are not the only one who has the pay for the happiness of these children in your home. As long as you keep doing it, hubby will support you alright! what am I supposed to say? I can't afford to raise YOUR kids and OUR kids by myself???" yep, that's exactly what you are supposed to tell him. Don't be shy. When xmas comes my DH always wants to overspend for his children who are now 19, 20 and 27 - the last one has two little girls. For years, i have been paying for these xmas gifts and again got caught last year when DH asked for 500 $ extra so he could get more gifts. Stupid me ...i took it off my credit card with the understanding that HE would pay it back. I am still waiting for the money and I've mentionned it often to DH. His response is always the same. Well, you know where my money goes and of course you can see that right now i couldn't give the 500 $ back! Ya, ...well believe me, when xmas comes this year.......he will gbe sorry he hasn't paid back the 500 % back yet. I've been telling him that his adult children are of an age now where they don't need five presents under the tree anymore, and money in envelopes, etc.etc. Especially considering they have never, never, never given their father or I in the last 18 years a descent xmas gift. Always JUNK! I've always started telling DH that this year i will not be home for xmas. I am going to the cottage. I don't care if he comes or not but one thing is for sure I don't want to be home with HIS ADULT CHILDREN. P.S. I've also began to have 50$ deducted every two weeks on my paycheck so it can go to a savings account. DH doesn't really like it but who cares. For years and years, i am the one who paid for this and for that for his children and also for things for him. Today, i am thinking more about me.I am so glad i have 400$ to my name. I've already started thinking what i am going to do with it. Perhaps go see Celine Dion in concert next summer! YES" So, all of this just to say ......don't hesitate to start thinking about yourself and your needs and stop thinking so much about his needs and his children's needs! It's not only his ex-wife's fault. It is also a large part your DH fault if you pay for everything. Keep posting.