When I explored it cautiously, the black areas turned out to be just a dried out part of the outermost layer, which the bulb was shedding. It had been in a combination of equal parts scoria, cocoa husk and cactus soil, and now it's in 50/50 cactus/scoria. My regret is that I removed one of the offsets which was a bit premature although it has one little root. A second offset was a little more developed with more roots, and was pretty well detached already, and I'm watching them both carefully. I started using scoria last year for a lot of epiphytic/semi-epiphytic plants, and its great stuff! This particular bulb is bukasovii, and seems to offset early and often, a good thing! Thanks for the insights. --Rick in CT

Sure Myfam. I can relate. I'm a full time BM and a part time SM. And a SD several times over. There is no "one size fits all". That's why I'm not on the side of the parent or the stepparent or about bashing the DH who "isn't there" because I know the other side of that, being a kid whose mother said "daddy doesn't care" and finding out she really just made him jump through so many hoops it was hurting me and he just frickin' gave up. I know that perspective from a child. I know how that game works. And, I know about neglectful dads. My sister had one of those. He was never there. So I know all about the guilt that comes from having a sister whose dad is never there and having a dad who tries his hardest to be there for me. People, parents, can be messed up. No matter what role they are playing. One has to assume though, given no other information, that people are trying their hardest.... right? @PO1: how dare you presume what this particular BM is thinking/perceiving/reacting to?? I can't even do that and I know the woman!! Of course it's not as simple as mom withholding information. It's an incredible spiderweb of emotions that happened way before I got in the picture. How can anyone presume to know what is going on with either of them!!?? Frickin' parents anyway. DH and BM have their own issues. I try not to get involved. My focus is not on their issues but on how I can support my absolutely wonderful SD when she IS HERE. And part of that leaves me bewildered that her BM would be so frazzled that she would forget to tell me/us her DD is menstrating but would remember to tell us all about her hyperallergenic soap and spend no less than five calls per day "hi how are you here's your little sibling on the phone we miss you". blather. I know how this works. I send DD out to her dad several times a year. And he comes out here. I know how to tell him the crucial stuff and somehow it all gets across. DD also spends time with other family members and somehow they all know if she has medicine to take or if she had a cough or to remind her to pee. And let's not make this into "dad's a lousy guy" because I'm not taking any husband bashing right now. It's not about him. It's about simple communication. And if you can't get that, I have nothing more to say.

If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead.

You need to model for your daughter the kind of person you want her to be. What kind of person do you want her to be and what kind of lessons do you want her to learn? I want my grown kids to be the kind of people who are generous of heart, loving and kind to all who are in their family circle. I want them to have a generosity of spirit that believes that love is not a pie to be sliced and there is only a certain amount of love to go around. I want them to believe that love expands and encompasses, and when someone else joins our family circle our love expands, not detracts from everyone else's share of love. For your daughter's sake, you need to be that person. You need to model that inclusiveness so she will have good relationships with both families - yours and your ex-wife's. If your stepkids love you, have a good relationship with you and value your opinion, then hopefully they will love your daughter because they love you. Think about the woman you want your daughter to be, suck it up and model those values. Do you want her to grow up to be a person who is paralyzed with guilt, or do you want her to grow up to be the person who takes a situation and makes the best of it with joy and grace, forgiving herself and others? Whatever you wish she would do in your situation, you need to do it. That's your job. She will have difficulties in life, make mistakes and struggle. It's your job to model how to get through those times. Even if it's hard, you have to start doing your best to do what's right. Once the actions start, the heart will follow. My husband is the type of person who has fun everywhere he goes. Whatever situation he's in, he will make the best of it for himself and everyone else there. Over the years we have all come to appreciate that rare and wonderful trait so much. Give that gift to your daughter if you can. Good luck and I hope this helps.