That's such a nice idea! How about rose petals on the bed? Or, if budget permits, you could have champagne chilling in the fridge.

I mentioned this on your other thread on the Kitchen Table, but this one is likely to stick around longer, so I'll say it again here, in case someone reads this months later.

Some people are really private, and they don't really like the idea of other people going in their homes and messing w/ their stuff.

Not even their own parents. And not their in-laws. (and you are an in-law to ONE of those people) Not even though they are otherwise quite close.

And having just gotten married really heightened my sense of "my home is my castle" and my territorialness.

My vote: get some milk & bread, eggs & butter for the fridge, and leave the snapshots on the dining room table. Respect their space.

(when I got home from my honeymoon, I wanted to sleep and unpack--I didn't need anybody to provide or encourage romance and celebration. I had already had sex, thank you very much; now I was coming home)

And NO ROSE PETALS on the bed!

As I said, I wanted to SLEEP! I was sort of p.o.'d at my MIL, who had taken off MY sheets and put on pretty ones SHE had chosen. They were not the sheets I'd been fantasizing about sleeping on, they were rougher, they were placed on the bed wrong (not enough extra at the top), and they were evidence that she 1) was messing w/ my stuff; and 2) had been thinking about my sex life (ICK!!!)

Plus, she followed some annoying European tradition and sprinkled rice under the bottom sheet--fertility, you know, which was really offensive, PLUS, worst of all, I couldn't sleep until I had removed it all.

And, I don't like the idea of some other relative putting rose petals on my bed; as I mentioned above, it squicks me out to think that any other human being on the planet has been thinking about my sex life. ESPECIALLY my mom or HIS mom. But even my sister or my best friend. It's unseemly, to me. Maybe I'm weird that way, but I feel that people's sex lives should be private. Just, no, that's between me and my husband. So, if my MIL had put rose petals on my bed, I might not have said anything, but I would NOT have been happy. It would have been intrusive. It *WAS* intrusive.

I wouldn't be happy at coming home tired, travel-weary, w/ laundry to do and souvenirs to unpack, and ALSO have to take down decorations so that my home looked like it was restful and welcoming to me. I don't want an exciting surprise when I come through the door. I want to come home.

So, I'm going to vote that you do only a very little bit--if anything.

I wouldn't like it if people did things in my home while I was gone! It's a bit creepy.

Basic shopping *would* be nice--just enough for a single simple meal; in addition to milk & eggs, maybe chicken or hamburger, and some fresh veggies, and be sure they have pasta.

The idea being: they just got home, they're tired, they don't want to run errands, so you picked them up just a bit to tide them over.

Leave a note on the DR table to let them know.

Being cared for in that basic way, that takes into consideration the realities of how they'll feel at the end of a long journey, would probably feel nice and welcoming without making them feel displaced in their own home.

My daughter-in-law is another one who would be offended if anyone did more than leave some food and the pics on the table. I once suggested that we might come in and do some house cleaning while she and my son were on a trip and my son said she would have a fit. Be sure you know the personality of the bride and groom before doing anything.

I agree, too. I like Talley Sue's idea of staying out of their bedroom, but providing some basic groceries and maybe some laundry detergent (the wedding photos are a nice idea, too). Last time we came to live in Israel for a few months, our good friends did that for us; they knew we would be tired and hungry, and it was great to find some milk, Coke, cheese, yogurt, cereal, and vegetables waiting. They did NOT call or visit until the next day. It made us feel loved and at home, but not intruded upon. I think that's what you want here.

Stick to stuff that feels like something family does for each other, not intimate or romantic gestures. I like the point Talley Sue made: they are just COMING from a honeymoon, so what they want isn't romance and surprises, just HOME.

You know, even though I was the one who suggested rose petals, Tally Sue and Gellchom have convinced me I was wrong. When I think about it, I know I would hate having someone do that for me. I'm not sure why I ever thought of it.

I wouldn't want anyone changing my sheets either, Tally Sue. I agree that groceries are probably safe, though.

.. Joann

"it squicks me out"

Somehow I missed this when I first read Talley Sue's excellent post. But I love it! Talley Sue, did you make that up?

I have no idea where I got that phrase; probably one of my brothers, bcs I've used it forever.

Joann23456, i think the rose petals thing is just a quick stereotype--I know when I was talking w/ DH about this topic, he immediately thought of massage oil. We're *supposed* to associate those things, that's the stereotype, so we do.

That's probably it, Tally Sue. Geeze, you'd think I sat around all day reading trashy romance novels ...