don't go to bed mad
don't badmouth your spouse's family
treat each other with kindness and respect
don't lie
don't keep secrets
have dates with each other

that's all I can think of now...

"Marriage is not 50/50. It is 49/51. Each has to give more than they get."

Remember that you don't marry one person, you marry a family.

Sue

No, Marriage is 100/100 (if its done right that is)
Good advise up top.

Forget the 49/51 and the 100/100 is unrealistic to the max. What happens on the "off" days with those kind of expectations? Instant divorce?

Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%.

Keep romance alive in your marriage.

Have fun together.

When necessary, forgive one another.

Be respectful of one another. Don't put your spouse down.

Don't expect your spouse to read your mind.

Take a moment or two each day to show your appreciation to the other. Whether itÂs an affectionate hug and kiss, or simple a "thank you," itÂs important to recognize everything the other person does.

Be friend and lover, in that order.

Always remember the good qualities that you saw in that person. What made you fall in love? Remember them when the commode overflows! LOL

jasdip, all of yours are really good. I especially like the last two. In fact, everything is good in all of them.

socks 1234, you are going to have a hard time choosing or can you make a colloge of them all?

What joann said - that's what I was going to say, too.

1..love her/him more than you love yourself
2..only one of you can be crazy at a time

NEver ever take what they do for granted.

So many people get 'used to' a spouse that does something specific for them, that they start to expect it. And over time, that Something becomes just part of the regular routine and it isnt appreciated anymore.

Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff)

Thank you everyone. These are all terrific reminders to myself as well! Think I'll fix DH a nice breakfast this morning!

I agree with you, Wildchild. A marriage or other relationship is constantly changing, and we have to adapt to each other's needs.

Honestly, Vannie...I like yours a lot, although I wouldn't say it's all small stuff.

Ivamae, a collage is a good idea, but I think she'll have that by the time all the shower attendees submit their "advice."

Never let jealousy be a part of your marriage.

We have been married over 50 years now. The advice ,"don't sweat the small stuff", will take you a long way. Also , don't go to bed mad. This is not an easy path, so you have to make changes at times. The older I have gotten, nothing seems to ruffle our tail feathers that much. We laugh a lot, and that really helps.

A good sense of humor goes a long way.

"A good sense of humor" is very good advice.

I find this works when I want to help some dewy-eyed couple. As soon as the minister asks "...If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together..."

I stand up and shout "NO!" "DON'T DO IT!" "RUN!" (And I wonder why the number of wedding invitations I receive has dwindled?) LOL

Just kidding; I don't (hardly ever) do this.

My niece became engaged last month. She called me, all excited (she knows auntie will buy the dres$, and flowers, and...)

I sent her a "Best Wishes on Your Engagement" card. It read something like "Here's some wonderful advice on your engagement...Ignore all the advice and just have fun."

Under the "Ignore all advice" line I printed "(Except for the pearls of wisom from your auntie.)" It gave her a good chuckle.

Yes; I'll give her advice, and yes; she'll giggle or scoff at it. As the years roll by she'll start to see wisdom in some of it. I just hope I'm around to hear her say "that was good advice!"

I try to call my M0m every time I have one of those light bulb moments that lets me know "Mom was right!" She loves it; she deserves to hear it.

(The typos in "dres$ and M0m" were my attempts to get rid of the hyperlinks.)

Remember when you were courting. I dressed nice, did my hair and makeup and I was pleasant and polite to the max. In short, be on your best behavior.

Remember to be honest and kind.
Things that get said in anger
cannot be taken back and they
won't be forgotten either...

Oooh, I like what marry said! Perfect trust, once broken, cannot be perfectly mended.

I remind myself that we have *promised* to be together forever. It's to our benefit for me to make that work well for both of us.

You already have lots of good advice, but it reminded me of when Harry's mother died and we cleaned out her house. In a trunk among newspaper clippings of recipes and other articles she thought she needed, we found a book similar to a "Baby's First Year" only it was for her wedding plans. It had the articles announcing her engagement, little squares of material showing the colors of the trousseau she made, and a list of wedding and shower attendees, etc. It also had these little strips of paper where people at her shower had been asked to give her advice for a happy marriage. I only remember one was "Have a nice warm meal ready when he comes home in the evening" and another one that had something to do with keeping his clothes clean and ironed. Sure was fun to read. We gave it to MIL's oldest daughter.

Times and advice change, it seems.

I was at a shower where advice was given & one of the ladies said - 'not to be a nag or one that starts fights'. She shared a verse in the Proverbs that says 'Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.' We all got a good laugh at that. I have a little box that is gift wrapped with a bow on top on my kitchen sink that reminds me to keep my words like a gift.

Learn to like the same TV programs and watch them together, not apart.

It's helpful if you get up and go to bed at the same time...I know it's not always possible with people's schedules.

My grandmother advised me to treat my future husband at least as good as I treated my dog! She said I spent time walking with my dog, playing with him, talking to him, giving belly rubs, and pampering my dog every single day. She said my new husband deserved no less.

Your grandmother was very wise, pickyshopper. I posted this a while ago, but it still makes me LOL. It's a little naughty, but still pretty good advice...

In a really happy relationship, nobody wears pants!

Well, this isn't cute, but it is advice I always give when asked. Don't get in a hurry to start a family. Make sure you can live with each other first.

Remember that marriage is a partnership. Do not be afraid to experiment and be able to laugh it off if the experiment fails in some unfoeseen bizzare way.

Separate bank accounts. One joint for household.

The best advice I've ever heard comes from the Khalil Gibran book "The Prophet"!

When Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

And,these are my thoughts. I believe most marriages today would have a much better chance of surviving if PARENTS would stay out of their marriage. Some parents especially Mothers) have a hard time "giving up" their son/daughter..but that's the way is SUPPOSE to be. It's that "forsaking ALL others" part! *S*

Keep your problems to yourself and don't run to Mommy with everything. If/when DH and I had a problem, I never EVER went to MY Mother with it...but I did share with my MIL sometimes. Why? DH was her son and she was going to love him unconditionally. If I'd gone to MY Mother, I could have easily turned her against my DH and her feelings would be the same after DH and I had worked through the problem. My Mother always thought DH walked on water...and his Mother felt the same about ME! Only DH and I knew they were both wrong!! lol

I've seen many marriages go bad, because the man is put in the middle between his Mother and his wife. Some Mothers act like jilted lovers!

Oh Country Bumpkin...you hit the nail on the head with "Some Mothers act like jilted lovers!"

My MIL refers to her son as "my husband" more times than she calls him "my son." After 17 years it's only gotten worse, and worse, and worse.

I am learning the patience of Job.

Now we are getting to pre-nup advice: Never marry a man (or woman) who isn't an adult, fully separated from 'Mom' (and 'Daddy').

As everyone knows, my daughter recently got married. I am beyond happy with her choice of a mate...but even if I wasn't, I'd keep those feelings to myself. It's her choice and her marriage. The day she called and told me they were getting married, I laughed and told her the only reason he was marrying her, was to get ME for a Mother-In-Law. I wasn't to crazy about her 1st choice of a husband, but I never said a word to her about him (to HER)! He was her husband and the sperm donor that helped create my Grandchildren. BIT...you should have heard me shout the day she called and told me she was divorcing him..and yes, she knew I was happy!lol My daughter and my new son-in-law know I'm here to listen and advise IF they asked! Other than that, it's their life and their marriage!

My son isn't married yet, but I Pray I've raised him with enough b@lls that if I were to ever try to come between him and his chosen wife (and I really don't see that happening)..that he will stand on the side with his WIFE!!

Caroline, how difficult that must be for you. Linked below is an idea for a gift for your MIL. (Just kidding, please don't! LOL!)

I went to the shower yesterday, and it was so much fun to meet all the other family and friends of the bride-to-be. My advice was on the lighter side--sense of humor, laugh, have fun together, etc.

Here is a link that might be useful: MIL book

Socks...I got this in email a month or so ago..was cleaning out emails this morning and ran across it...It's priceless!

Red Skeltons Rules for a Happy Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant,have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words,

"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face

I don't know if he really wrote these or not...but they are pretty funny...

Well, maybe think twenty times before you say I do ?? just kidding

Hi Caroline,

How about referring to FIL ...

... as " ... my husband ..." ...

... in her hearing, of course.

ole joyful

P.S. Try not to let the sun go down on disagreements (actually, resolve issues before you go to bed, finishing the day).

But if there's too much emotion involved to get it resolved easily at present ...

... make a date to discuss it at a specific time, later.

Humour helps.

Respect each other and the commitment that you're making.

Don't belittle your partner - especially in public! Or anyone else, for that matter.

o j

I actually found a newspaper article similar to this when going through my mother's papers. She had written on the edge something to the effect that she hoped she would be like that. No wonder it took me so long to get my head on straight!!

Here is a link that might be useful: The Good Wife's Guide