re-taking the vows

20 years ago

Hi All -

Ideas needed here please :) I have been married to my absolute best friend for over 7 years. We are from England but live in the States now. I would love to retake our vows on, say, our 10th anniversary, back at home in-front of guests. Do you think 10 yrs is too early to do this - should I just put this idea on the back-burner and wait for 15 or 20 years (waaaaaaaaaay off yet). I am starting to think about it now because of the distance involved and costs associated with it.

Also - how do you plan something like this - does the "bride" wear a wedding dress, or is that cheesy? Or just a simple white shift-dress or something?

Thanks for any ideas,

Boo

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Comments (13)

sweet_pea10
20 years ago
Your tenth anniversary is a great time to renew your vows. I always encourage people not to put things off because you never know what life will send your way and you may not be able to do it for your 15th or 20th anniversary.

A vow renewal ceremony is symbolic, not legal, so you have great flexability in what you do. A grandfather, uncle, or friend can perform the ceremony. It doesn't have to be a judge or minister. You can make it as formal or as casual as you want. Some of my clients choose to have a big family picnic, then stand up and renew their vows. Others prefer a more formal ceremony followed by a more elaborate reception with music and dancing.

You can wear a white dress, but a traditional wedding gown is inappropriate when you have been married for a number of years. If the ceremony is casual, you can wear pants. If it is formal, you might choose a formal gown, or anything in between. Think about your ideas of the type of celebration that you would like to have with your guests, then go for it.
mary_md7
20 years ago
I think ten years is not too soon--though I'd think anything sooner would be. Personally, I wouldn't go for a "bridal" outfit an all the wedding-type rigmarole, but have a lovely ceremony and a great anniversary party.
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We renewed our vows on our 20th anniversary. My DH surprised me with it. I had always teased him that he never proposed to me. He didn't. We just always talked about getting married and then we did. Never the down on one knee thing. So on our 20th, it was a Wed. Kids home after school. Had a band concert that night.... I am mopping the kitchen floor, he comes in and in front of the kids asks me to marry him, again. I laughed and said of course. He said, great! Can you be ready in an hour? I said.... what????? I had ONE dress I could still squeeze into, put on that. Had no time to do nails or other such stuff. The kids scrambled into nice clothes and we went off to Tahoe. We live 30 minutes from there. He had it all set up with a cute little chapel there. My son, who was 15 at the time, just kept shaking his head and saying this is so lame. I have a concert tonight.... He really was put out about it. My DD was so excited. Well, we get to the chapel and we go in. They have us pick out some music. My husband says, wait! he goes out to the car, has a bouquet for me and one for DD. He has boutineers for him and son. My son is shaking his head this is so lame....... We are all laughing. So son walks me down the aisle and DD is waiting there and DH. We say a few words from our hearts and we are all teary eyed, I look over DH's shoulder at my son and he is weepy too..... I laugh, in the middle of it I stop and ask him if it is still lame. He says No.... and wipes some tears away. We are all laughing about it. Then when it comes time to exchange rings, husband asks for mine back and gives it to the lady performing the ceremony and she adds another ring to my set. He had it custom made, not sure how he did that cause mine is all twisty and it matches up perfectly. I was shocked. It had more stones in it and makes my ring look totally different. Anyway, we did all that, went to an early dinner in Tahoe and made it back for the concert. Now here we sit at 32 years. Maybe we will do it again someday. I still tell him that ceremony meant more to me than the first one. This one came from his heart. We could have gone to dinner or had something on the weekend like we usually do/did. But he went to all this trouble to plan it and surprise me with it meant that he really would do it all over again!
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booboomoomoo
Original Author
20 years ago
Thanks for the input! I am thinking a nice suitor dress, and flowers to make it look a little more than a normal outfit.
I just adore my hubby, and would love to marry him all over again.
Boo
chloecat
20 years ago
BBMM,

My DH and I renewed our vows on our first anniversary - mainly because our first wedding was so quickly planned (24 hours) that it just made sense to do it all again! LOL! I'd do it EVERY year if I could get away with it. I understand about being married to your very best friend. I am too!
User
20 years ago
Booboo,

When I was first married, I thought it would be wonderful to get married each year on our anniversary in a different state. My husband thought it was insane. But we compromised.

Original wedding was in my parents backyard, by JP on Aug 5.

Later that year, my first son was born. Our parish priest wouldn't baptise him unless we had a church wedding. So we renewed our vows that Aug 4, to keep it easier to remember.

When our 20 year was coming up, we went down to City Hall in Manhattan and did it again. Cute incident--we handed our license application under the bullet-proof glass to the clerk. She glanced at it and said, "You both have the same last name." My husband doesn't miss a beat and says, "She's my sister." The clerk says, "Okay," and passes it back to us with the official stamp on it. This was Aug. 7.

Our next "wedding" will be Aug 6. I want to get married in Las Vegas in an Elvis chapel.

I'm easily entertained.
grace3
20 years ago
Dian, are you saying that you applied for another marriage license, even though you were already married? And they issued it? Didn't the application ask if you were married, or some such thing?
chloecat
20 years ago
We didn't get a new license when we renewed our vows. But we were in the same town, so maybe that makes a difference?
sweet_pea10
20 years ago
Getting another license is not necessary in any state, though some states will issue a certificate of renewal just as a keepsake. I am surprised that the county clerk didn't catch the application and void it (or perhaps she did, and you therefore lost the cost of the application fee).
gellchom
20 years ago
In my opinion -- and that's all it is -- vow renewal ceremonies (the public kind, with guests) make sense if for some reason there was a very tiny real wedding, and you want the fun of all the trimmings, or if they want a religious ceremony after having a civil one -- some reason like that.

But when I am invited to what is really just a second big or traditional wedding for a couple that already had one, I have to admit that I wonder what it is they are trying to prove, and why: were they having some trouble that they have now worked through? Did they separate and then come back together? Why are they taking the same vows again -- did they break the first vows, or is something wrong with those vows? Do they just need a lot of attention that they think they can get by dressing up as a bride and groom for a second time? Are they hoping for gifts?

Now, I know that none of these reasons is yours. You want to do this as a romantic and fun statement of how GOOD things are. I only wrote the above because it's true that when I get such an invitation, that's what I wonder, especially after only 10 years (for a 50th anniversary celebration, it would be quite a different thing). So IF you think that there is a chance that some of your family and friends might see it that way, too, and IF you care about that, just keep it in mind when you make your plans. For example, if you wore a wedding gown at your wedding, I'd skip it this time (maybe if you still have that one? But I wouldn't buy another one if I were doing this). Ditto attendants, etc.

An alternative would be for you and your wonderful husband to have a fabulous 10th anniversary party. Nothing wrong with wearing a gorgeous white party dress and flowers, and nothing wrong with publicly making a romantic statement or toast to each other that would pretty much do the same thing as vows. Not to mention -- nothing wrong with another honeymoon! And then it would be really romantic for you and your husband to make vows to each other privately.

Just my 2 cents. I'm sure whatever you do will be lovely. Have fun, and congratulations on your wonderful marriage!
booboomoomoo
Original Author
20 years ago
Hmmm - an interesting point, and certainly not a "feeling" I would wish people to have. Something to think about, anyway...
BOo
snoopfan
20 years ago
A commitment ceremony is fine, but I think it should be a private affair without all the big hooplah. I, too, would be wondering, what are they trying to prove. Once you've had your wedding, you've had your wedding. Instead, why not hold a low key anniversary party at your house after the ceremony? I have heard of these ceremonies, but would find it bizarre to be invited to one. An alternative would be to go away, (just the two of you) and do it at an island - one of those all inclusive places or something like that.
User
20 years ago
Sorry, Booboomoomoo,
Not to hijack your thread, but to answer some questions--the Manhattan judge caught the two same last names immediately and said, "This is not legal, just a souvenir."

Nowhere one the application did it ask if either of us was already married. Interesting, huh?

All my "ceremonies" were private (except I had two witnesses for church) and I wore a nice light-colored dress.
booboomoomoo
Original Author
20 years ago
dian57 - no problame at all, all this stuff is interesting and things for me to bare in mind :)
BooBoo

re-taking the vows

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