Last year, first with Florida Weave, I confined the side branches and the hedge of plants ended up about 12-16" wide; except when the plants outgrew the height of my FW, and then all hell broke loose. I started the first "rung" very low and when the plants were taller, the first rung was moved up. The bottom most rung ended up about 2' from the ground. I then pruned all side branching that was below that rung. I was very happy with the results, although I wish my posts were 15' high. The indeterminates outgrew their happy homes. My rows are about 5' apart and soon I couldn't walk down the rows, nor access the tomato plants. I ended up needing to top the plants. This year, I was all prepared for a similar experience. I added all of the "rungs" first thing in the season to ease the labor. Trying to weave around monster plants was frustrating. So, I figured if I placed the rungs early, all needed from me would be the confining. That task is so time consuming with 55 plants, anything to speed the process is good for me. I placed four rungs total on 7' T posts, 5' above ground. Admired my work, all proud of myself. Then a hail storm hit and snapped every main stem; topping my plants. These plants had been started in Feb. and March, so were of decent size. I plant deeply. The plants were between 6" and 2' above ground when the storm came. My plants no longer have a straightish/main stem to direct growth. So, now I have these sprawling beast-like, slightly angry plants because the hail also knocked off every flower. Now I'm in new tomato growing territory. I had to add a fifth rung between the original bottom-most and second from the bottom rung. Confining has become a bit more cumbersome, because the side branches are now so large. The plants seem happier with the extra support, which makes sense. Perhaps next year, I'll add five rungs instead of four.

I'd hesitate to jump to the conclusion that this child truly has 'psychiatric problems' when the doctor supposedly prescribed pills after a 15 minute visit and mom doesn't think it's important enough to send any pills with her to dads. What is the 'diagnosis'? What are the pills? She does sound like she could have a psychiatric problem, but she could also be manipulating the hell outta both her parents and as long as her mom goes along with her antics, she is going to continue to behave this way. If she does have a psychiatric problem, her mother is a contributing factor and nobody, not a step parent or other children in the house (related or not) should have to be subjected to abuse from a child. To turn this into a debate on whether spanking is or isn't acceptable, well corporal punishment is a matter of personal choice. I agree that spanking is not the same as beating. I was spanked on a few occasions (so few, I probably remember every time and I deserved each one). I'm not advocating it, but I don't think it leaves a permanent scar or trauma to get a swat. It works for short term results so I don't think repeatedly spanking for the same infraction works. But, I also think that when you have allowed a child to go too far, it's much harder to rein them back in to behave than if you set the boundaries up front and keep them from crossing them. Pseudo's SD has learned that she is going to get her way by throwing tantrums and making everyone's life hell. She has mom wrapped around her finger to defend her use of the phone. If mom realizes that she is actually making her daughter's living situation worse by doing this, or SD realizes that dad & pseudo are not going to give in to her, then maybe there would be an opportunity for change. Honestly, I think it's going to take for all the grown ups to sit down together and talk. If mom is trying to use her daughter to run off BF, then she needs to be told that what she is doing is hurting her child. If you (pseudo) and dad talk to mom and make this about the child, not about blaming mom for her part in it, them maybe mom would be more receptive to listen. If mom understands that when SD has these meltdowns, she is missing out on fun with the other kids and family. If mom hears that SD is spending most of her time crying or upset and on the phone with her, etc. instead of playing or having fun, then maybe mom might see things differently. Dad needs to bring the issue to mom in a way of saying "look, our daughter is suffering and we need to come together and find a solution to this." When mom thinks this is about SD pissing off SM, then she seems to be on board with SD. If mom thinks it's about SM and Dad blaming her for taking her daughter's calls, she gets defensive, thinking she's only doing what any good mother does (making herself available to her distressed child) and continues to play the game. But, if she is asked in a sincere way to help in finding a solution to her daughter's problems, then she might change her tune. I might even point out to her that this isn't just affecting her daughter's home life, it affects her social life. How is she going to make friends (or keep them) if she can't get along or if she throws fits when she doesn't get her way? Does if affect her learning? What other problems is she going to have as she gets older? That needs to be the focus when talking to mom. At 9 years old, she's too old to start spanking. I think a swat when they are under 5-6 might work to get a point across, but they should have learned by 7 or 8 what is or isn't acceptable. Most kids will test boundaries anyways, just to see if you will give in or they figure out when you are too tired or stressed to stick with it. Teenagers are notorious for it and even my grown kids try to get over on a thing or two.

It says the parents will have joint legal custody and share in the responsibility and confer in good faith on matters concerning health, education, & welfare of the child. The parents must confer in making decisions on the following matters: Enrollment in or leaving a particular private or public school or daycare center. Out of Country or Out of State travel. In all other matters in exercising joint legal custody, the parents may act alone, as long as the action does not conflict with any orders concerning the physical custody of the children. There is also a 'special decision making' section that reads: The father will be responsible for making decisions regarding the following: 1. Participation in school & extra curricular activities during the school year. 2. Non major or routine medical care. (Of course, the activities cannot be on BM's time, and apparently she has a problem with medical care on her time too) That's all it says regarding decision making, so he really can't tell her anything. He has primary physical custody & BM has three weekends a month, so it isn't any different than a non custodial father taking his child to get their hair chopped off... my oldest son's father did that several times to piss me off. When me would send my son back with a knit beanie, I knew what he'd done. He even had little lines shaved into the side, just above my son's ears. The result ended up that my son was teased because the kids in my son's school thought it was weird. It was a trend in the town where my son's father lived but had not been picked up here by the kids and he was made fun of for being different. In my SD's case, (or maybe moreso when it comes to girls just because they usually care more about their looks than boys do, in my experience anyways) it should be on the person that has primary responsibility for the care of the child since it would be easy for a NCP to take a kid to get a high maintenance hairstyle and then they expect the CP to keep it maintained? It's really not fair to expect the CP to now have to buy special hair products or spend extra time to maintain a style that the NCP wanted and only sees a couple of times a month. With older kids, it would be on the kid to maintain it themselves, but it was a challenge to teach my SD how to pull her hair into ponytail... that's why DH took her to get it layered. She didn't want to wear a ponytail but it was the only way to keep it from looking like she didn't comb it. I don't have time to flat iron it in the morning and she said she loved it layered. Maybe she is just going along with both parents and who knows what the hell she wants? All I know is that now it's going to take extra work to send her off looking presentable and I have to listen to DH complain about it.

Well, so far things are better... I had a talk with DH that seems to have opened his eyes a bit. I explained that I have so many other things on my mind, the housework & even SD's attitude are low on my priority list. I told him that I am fine with her attitude & not liking me, but I'm not fine with having someone give me an ultimatum when we are supposed to be partners. I'm not going to let SD be on of our "issues". She does not have to like me but I also explained to him that it goes both ways, I don't have to DO things for her so when she says I'm being "mean" to her, it's just HER perception because I'm not offering to do things for her nor giving it any energy when she wants/needs things. She has a play this week & needs a costume. She started whining to DH last week about it and he has said several times he doesn't know what to do about it because she hasn't told him what KIND of costume she needs. Normally, I would jump in (because it's a mommy thing to do) and find out from the teacher what she needs & get it for her. Instead, I have let HIM handle it. I have not said a word and when he asked me what he should do, I could only tell him that I think he should put as much energy into seeing that she does her homework & study for her tests as he does in finding her a costume. She has a D in PE because she took a 0 last week. She got an F on her report for the play she is in. Personally, I don't agree with the way the school gives points & grades... her math teacher gave 20 points for kids that brought food in for the canned food drive. Really? Of course, I am mean Ima & said no when she asked if she can take canned food to school. I donate directily to the food bank so why give her extra credit points when she's not doing her homework? Anyway, the only input I would give on the play costume is that it's HIS thing because SD isn't talking to me and I think she should worry so much about the rest of her grades as she is about the costume. He agreed. I won't do anything for her... except driving her to her bus stop. I agree Amber that if I weren't around, he would have to leave work or figure it out. The other option would be to have him get his mom (who doesn't work & is on SD's sied against mean Ima) go pick her up, which if fine with me but SHE says she's too busy all the time so DH doesn't want to ask her. She will do it, but then piss & moan about why can't Ima do it? That's just another headache for me that I don't want/need. But, I agree it's not MY problem. "I had hoped your SD would act/behave like mine for a couple weeks anyway ..." It would be nice for her to be pleasant & she has been... in her way. She came home from BM's last night, cheerfully said "HI!" to me and I said Hi. Then she went in her room, got ready for bed & came out to say goodnight to DH & said goodnight to me. Then this morning, back to not talking to me. I don't know if she sincerely wants to be nice or if she is forcing herself. I get the feeling that she throws out a nice, friendly hello or thank you so when she is crying about how mean I am to her, she can say she TRIES to be nice to me. I don't know? It's not very consistent or sincere so I don't know what to make of it. I am friendly when she is friendly, I ignore her when she ignores me. I don't go out of my way to kiss her @$$ so she will like me because I think if she wants to like me, she would be sincere and not use me to get attention from everyone by making me the villain while she is my victim. I did tell DH that when she thinks I'm being mean to her, it's just me treating her the way she treats me... and he can tell her that. (and if HE ever thinks I'm being mean to her... he needs to come talk to me about it & not jump on me based on what SHE tells him) As for her being nice to me for a couple of weeks, I prefer her to be sincere. If she is going to fake being nice just to get something from me... and then go back to backstabbing me, I'd rather not have two weeks of fake BFF niceness from her. But, I will take cordial pleasantness, fake or real. Unfortunately for her, until she proves sincerity, I just assume it's fake. That makes me sad but it's the way it is. As for my son and DIL, I know everything JMT said is true & that's why it's upsetting to me. Realistically, I may be worrying over nothing. My DS came home for the holidays two years ago & I backed off to let him take care of his son for the two weeks he was here. It was too much for him then & the baby was only 21 months old. DIL has had the opportunity to spend more time with DGS than she has but has made excuses... has to work, wants to go out, etc. and in the last 6 months, I have provided the majority of transportation for her... taking DGS to see her and picking him up. Even then, she complained that I was an hour late picking him up after she hadn't seen him for a month. Then she went 6 weeks without seeing him and has seen him ONE time since getting out of rehab three weeks ago. I am taking him to see her this next weekend because we are going to a party near where she lives. Otherwise, I don't think she would see him. Those are not the actions of someone that wants 50% shared custody. When I visited my son in March, he said how he missed DGS before & was going to miss him more when we were leaving. I asked him if he wants to keep him & he said it was too much for him. He didn't think he could handle it by himself. So, realisticaly I don't know how serious he is about taking over full time. I would be happy to have him take a few days a week when he returns but leave him "living" in my home where he is stable... at least until he (my son) adjusts and is able to handle full time. It has to be a transition for DGS sake and my worry is more about DIL wanting to move back to the area when my son comes home. They are like oil & water. Separate, I get along good with both of them but when they get together, DIL goes psycho. She gets jealous, insecure, & starts fights... then plays victim. She has been arrested for domestic violence on him a few times but the DA never ressed charges. She claims she is the victim. They need to stay away from each other & my only job is going to be to keep DGS from being pulled into the middle of it & have him be the pawn they use to hurt each other. My mom went to Stanford for a second opinion. They did a CT scan & told her she has 5 cancerous lesions on the surface of her liver. The prognosis was more positive than her first doctor gave her. I guess her first doctor didn't spend much time explaining it to her so she didn't have a lot of confidence and was stressing out. and for holiday plans. So far, DH hasn't said anything about going to his parents at all. I'm not going to worry about it. I bought them a gift & will drop it off to them if they don't invite us over... or will send with him if they don't invite ME over. He is free to go without me. :) My niece is getting married on Christmas Eve on our property so I will probably be helping with that as well. My dad is planning to take his lady friend (he doesn't call her a GF) to dinner on Christmas day. She is spending the morning with her kids. I plan to stay home & spend the day playing with DGS unless DH wants me to go with him to his parents. It would be more pleasant to stay home than spend the day with MIL but I also don't want to put DH in a position of having to explain my absence... unless I go visit my mom. Honestly, they don't care to see me but would talk crap to DH if I don't go. LOL, they will probably talk crap whether I go or not.