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Missing Bridesmaid turns up!....

22 years ago

She FINALLY emailed me. She was out of town for her brother's graduation and then on vacation with friends and was not checking messages....i'm not questioning why but i'm glad she turned up. Her mom sent me the money for the dress so all is well.

Thank you all for all your support and advice!

Froggy

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Comments (12)

Snapdragon
22 years ago
That's good news, Froggy! Sounds like things will work out okay after all.
splinter
22 years ago
Good news! I believe my first post was "Perhaps she's gone out of town."

I know we all assume the worst of people and their intentions -- it takes a lot of work to do otherwise -- but maybe giving someone the benefit of the doubt is what we should do instead.

Andrea :o)

PS... that was not a lecture.
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So sorry I missed chat! Something came up...
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Comments (6)
Ms Kathy: I see you !!! & Jesus Sees You !!! and He is very very proud of you.... He is the One who makes ALL our Hearts Share... Because He Cares For US ! ! ! ~~~ We Care For * O * T * H * E * R * S !!!!!!!!!!!! You are the perfect example of His LOVE !!!!!!!!!! Every single person N E E D S ~~~ Someone to ***BELIVE **** in them... and Not be Judgemental !!! Like I said I am very glad that you set your boundries !!! That Had to be done.... and I am sure that Truly.... He NEEDS THEM SET !!!!!!!!!!!! It feels better to have some RULES & GUIDELINES TO FOLLOW ! ! ! I Just am so truly Blessed for having getting to Know YOU ((((((((((((YOU))))))))))))))) Ms Kathy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR BEING THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE FOR THIS YOUNG MAN >............. who must feel in his heart that you care for him. *** Shared Stories build a relational BRIDGE... tht Jesus can walk across..... from your heart... from The Purpose Driven Life... by Pastor Rick Warren !!!! You are doing that Ms Kathy.... Building that Bridge with your L \* O \* V \* E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You just might be the ONLY true LOVE this Young Man experiences !!!! BUT HE MUST FOLLOW THE RULES !!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless ! SusieSunshine \*\*\*\* Your in my Thoughts & Prayers !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Decline to be a bridesmaid?
Q
Comments (3)
There is certainly no rule that you must accept. But that's not the problem, is it -- you aren't really asking if it's "permissible" to say no, are you? You know that. The question is how your friend will feel if you decline, and how you will feel about doing it. It is an honor to be asked to be an attendant in someone's wedding. It's also sometimes expensive and time-consuming -- but those aren't your objections. In your case, you don't enjoy it. No one is saying you have to like it. On the other hand, being photographed in an unflattering dress (so what? You won't have to look at the photos -- throw it away if they send you one) and sitting on a dais aren't fun, but they aren't exactly brutal torture, either -- seems like not such a big sacrifice in order to honor a friend. As for hanging out with people you just met, why should you have to? Just hang out with people you do know, not people whose dress happens to match yours. Consider: why do you assume you won't like the new people? that the dress will be unflattering? As to the fact that you "really dislike conventional weddings and all their trappings," how do you feel when you are a guest, not an attendant? Besides, maybe this wedding will be different. Anyway, you certainly don't have to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to do it. But don't tell her that it's because you hate things she may be planning to do, or that you don't like "conventional weddings." Remember, it is an honor to be asked, so treat it as such: an honor that you must, regretfully, decline. Just tell her you would have loved to, but you know from experience that it takes a lot of time, and right now you don't have time to "do it right." If it seems to mean a lot to her, consider just going through it with a smile as you wisely said you would. I hope you are asking for a way to bow out without hurting your friend's feelings, not for a way to do it that will let you be able to tell yourself that she's not allowed to be hurt.
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Update/pregnant bridesmaid
Q
Comments (7)
Oh, I meant to say that the airlines restrict flights at 36 WEEKS, not months. I'm sure you got that. So, your DD's friend would roughly be at 34-35 weeks flying in and just may cut it short flying back home. I've heard that many doctors recommend not flying for the entire last trimester. I guess there's just too much in flight that could cause problems that could not be easily resolved. I hope everything goes well with her. I'm still sort of surprised her doctor ok'd such a long car trip that late in a preganacy. I was under the impression that clots are a risk with pregnant women with travel and they need to get out and stretch ever hour or so, and that car travel should be limited to 5 or so hrs a day. 27 just seems so very long. I wish her well. Here is a link that might be useful: Travel during pregnancy
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Need help from my virtual bridesmaids, trying to wrap it up!
Q
Comments (46)
Love the "hippie headband!" Costs more than my wedding dress! Not to say that is an issue or a bad thing, my wedding dress was dirt cheap! The shoes I am looking at are more than the dress too! The ones I got were very inexpensive, around 30 bucks but that's because they are fabric. The ones I am looking at are leather. I get better wear out of fabric than the fake plastic leather, which I inevitably tear or cut in some way . . . I am hard on shoes, being so outdoorsy.
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froggy05
Original Author
22 years ago
Thank you Splinter, I realize it was judgemental of me to get so upset, but I was getting really worried after all it is my wedding that was about to get messed up. Anywyas, I appreciate all your advice and help. Its so nice to have thischat board...

Froggy :)
splinter
22 years ago
Don't get me wrong, froggy... I think you handled the situation admirably. You have every right to worry! My comment was directed more toward everyone who told you to drop that BM like a hot potato.

Good luck with the dresses and planning!

Andrea :o)
scarlett2001
22 years ago
And she couldn't have TOLD you she was going out of town? With dress deadlines, etc. Or her mother couldn't have let you know? Inconsiderate in the extreme...
talley_sue_nyc
22 years ago
or maybe just overwhelmed and scattered.

It's all the "in the extreme" tone that bothers me. You've never forgotten anything?
scarlett2001
22 years ago
Not when my friend's wedding plans involve my cooperation.. .and I don't go "out of town" without my cell phone and I don't sign off IM right away when my friend logs on. (She was out of town and incommunicado, but IM-ing, uh-huh.) Sorry, but I just don't buy her "out of town " story. But if Froggy is happy and accepts it, fine with me. Let's just hope this BM behaves herself for the rest of the operation.
Glitter53
22 years ago
...and was her Mother so unsure of her decision that she couldn't fork over for the dress when she realized the importance of the deadline? I can't believe in this day and age a gal would be incommunicado...what about emergencies? Even her Mother couldn't get thru? Personally, I'd keep a close eye on this gal and her promises from now on...seems less than a devoted friend and totally irresponsible. I'm happy for Froggy, however, and truly hoping it's smooth sailing from here on!
anita9
22 years ago
Isn't the wedding not even happening for over a year?? I hardly think that any normal person would plan their vacations around being easily accessible to someone whose wedding they were going to be in a year from now! She should have been in communication earlier because of the deadline, but it happens, people forget. She's probably wondering why the dresses have to be ordered so early, anyway.
froggy05
Original Author
22 years ago
The dresses had to be ordered early becasue they chose a color and style that is this spring's special...it wasn't my doing. And yes it is a bit suspicious, but iltimately things worked out...oh and BTW, it doesn't matterhow far away the wedding is, its all about communication...
Don't make it sound like that just because my wedding is far away I am doing things out of the "acceptable" time range, I've said it many times and i will say it again, I AM MOVING OUT OF STATE IN TWO!!! MONTHS, that is why the wedding plans and dress orders are now.
Besides by the time the dresses come in and everyone gets them it would be right on the time they'd need to have them anyway...so esentially its a good thing I ordered them so far in advance.
scarlett2001
22 years ago
"All's well that ends well" and best wishes for a very lovely wedding and a long and happy marriage, Froggy!
anita9
22 years ago
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! I DON'T think you did anything wrong. I just was pointing out that people don't always keep other people's weddings at the top of their minds and she probably shouldn't be thought of as "inconsiderate in the extreme" or "totally irresponsible" for being unreachable for a week or two.

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