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Missing Bridesmaid turns up!....

19 years ago

She FINALLY emailed me. She was out of town for her brother's graduation and then on vacation with friends and was not checking messages....i'm not questioning why but i'm glad she turned up. Her mom sent me the money for the dress so all is well.

Thank you all for all your support and advice!

Froggy

Comments (12)

Snapdragon
19 years ago
That's good news, Froggy! Sounds like things will work out okay after all.
splinter
19 years ago
Good news! I believe my first post was "Perhaps she's gone out of town."

I know we all assume the worst of people and their intentions -- it takes a lot of work to do otherwise -- but maybe giving someone the benefit of the doubt is what we should do instead.

Andrea :o)

PS... that was not a lecture.
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Thank you all for all the advice and opinions. I have ordered the dress and I am going through with it. I did try to talk to the bride. I declined the nail, hair, makeup appointments on the reason that I will just not have time that day to attend them. She is now very angry with me because I am not "cooperating" with what she wants for her "special" day. My hair & makeup will not match the other bridesmaids or hers. Oh well, life moves on. I got the matching dress and I have a hairdresser friend who is coming to my house to do my hair & makeup(this helps me with time because I don't have to go anyplace). I am not the cake server, just the cake maker & set up. Yes, I will be attending the wedding anyhow....the reason I originally agreed....I would be there anyhow..why not stand up for her. It got way more complicated after that point. My husband will be helping me. He has to get ready for the wedding as well and has his own list of "chores" he is supposed to be getting done the day of the wedding. He will be getting the boys ready....we have 2. I will be responsible for our daughter. Not sure where the communication in the thread came from that said i had 3 boys....i may have typed something incorrectly. Bride is also upset that I am not allowing my daughter to attend the nail, hair, makeup sessions too. She is 8 years old and is supposed to be a jr. bridesmaid but IMO she does not need nails & makeup done. My friend is doing her hair when she does mine. I really am trying to make this all work. I have a very tight schedule that day. It keeps getting worse....yesterday the bride tells me she wants everyone at the wedding site at 2 pm....wedding is at 5. I just came right out and said....that is pretty much impossible for me with everything else but I will have your cake done and ready for the reception and myself & the children will be there and ready to walk down the aisle when its our turn. I know how hectic weddings can be.....I deal with brides all the time. I am a cake decorator. In the months of May & June, I make as many as 5 wedding cake per week to be set up and delivered. I can deal with busy & stress. NEVER, have i ever had a bride behave as this one has. Lesson learned i suppose. Someone posted something about my in laws loving me or trusting me. I'm not all that sure that its that but more that there is no one else for her to turn to, to get things done. She has burned a lot of bridges over time. & I am apparently glutton for punishment. haha Also, I did decline to host the wedding showers and bride is very upset because no one else did them so they had not a single wedding shower. I offered to help if anyone else wanted to plan them but no one did. Again, thank you all so much for your help!! Ill post back later and let everyone know how everything ended up going. Date is April 17th. We shall see....I will put my very best effort forth...that is all I can do. :-)
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There is certainly no rule that you must accept. But that's not the problem, is it -- you aren't really asking if it's "permissible" to say no, are you? You know that. The question is how your friend will feel if you decline, and how you will feel about doing it. It is an honor to be asked to be an attendant in someone's wedding. It's also sometimes expensive and time-consuming -- but those aren't your objections. In your case, you don't enjoy it. No one is saying you have to like it. On the other hand, being photographed in an unflattering dress (so what? You won't have to look at the photos -- throw it away if they send you one) and sitting on a dais aren't fun, but they aren't exactly brutal torture, either -- seems like not such a big sacrifice in order to honor a friend. As for hanging out with people you just met, why should you have to? Just hang out with people you do know, not people whose dress happens to match yours. Consider: why do you assume you won't like the new people? that the dress will be unflattering? As to the fact that you "really dislike conventional weddings and all their trappings," how do you feel when you are a guest, not an attendant? Besides, maybe this wedding will be different. Anyway, you certainly don't have to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to do it. But don't tell her that it's because you hate things she may be planning to do, or that you don't like "conventional weddings." Remember, it is an honor to be asked, so treat it as such: an honor that you must, regretfully, decline. Just tell her you would have loved to, but you know from experience that it takes a lot of time, and right now you don't have time to "do it right." If it seems to mean a lot to her, consider just going through it with a smile as you wisely said you would. I hope you are asking for a way to bow out without hurting your friend's feelings, not for a way to do it that will let you be able to tell yourself that she's not allowed to be hurt.
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Posting turned off? Message up above....
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Comments (8)
Power went off in early afternoon, when I was staking tomatoes (and I didn't have garden radio, as I was too stingy to spring for batteries). I was thankful that I don't depend on an electric razor, left too late, stopped at 4 stores, arrived at investment group meeting 490 min. late, (that was supposed to be "40 min." ... looks as though either the fingers or the keyboard is mad at me, again) ... ... was asked whether I'd recognized that daylight saving time is now in operation. On my return home, power still off, so I couldn't see till I found my flashlight to put milk, cream, etc. into (dark) frig. I called Hydro to report my power and that of one neighbour at least was off ..., they called me about 2 hrs. later (with limited options for diversion, I'd gone to bed) to ask whether power on, it was ... ... so I had coffee, lunch ... got on computer, checked stock prices, came here. So, as THS is working in its usual fashion, it looks as though I missed some interesting activities. Hope you're having an interesting week. ole joyful
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froggy05
Original Author
19 years ago
Thank you Splinter, I realize it was judgemental of me to get so upset, but I was getting really worried after all it is my wedding that was about to get messed up. Anywyas, I appreciate all your advice and help. Its so nice to have thischat board...

Froggy :)
splinter
19 years ago
Don't get me wrong, froggy... I think you handled the situation admirably. You have every right to worry! My comment was directed more toward everyone who told you to drop that BM like a hot potato.

Good luck with the dresses and planning!

Andrea :o)
scarlett2001
19 years ago
And she couldn't have TOLD you she was going out of town? With dress deadlines, etc. Or her mother couldn't have let you know? Inconsiderate in the extreme...
talley_sue_nyc
19 years ago
or maybe just overwhelmed and scattered.

It's all the "in the extreme" tone that bothers me. You've never forgotten anything?
scarlett2001
19 years ago
Not when my friend's wedding plans involve my cooperation.. .and I don't go "out of town" without my cell phone and I don't sign off IM right away when my friend logs on. (She was out of town and incommunicado, but IM-ing, uh-huh.) Sorry, but I just don't buy her "out of town " story. But if Froggy is happy and accepts it, fine with me. Let's just hope this BM behaves herself for the rest of the operation.
Glitter53
19 years ago
...and was her Mother so unsure of her decision that she couldn't fork over for the dress when she realized the importance of the deadline? I can't believe in this day and age a gal would be incommunicado...what about emergencies? Even her Mother couldn't get thru? Personally, I'd keep a close eye on this gal and her promises from now on...seems less than a devoted friend and totally irresponsible. I'm happy for Froggy, however, and truly hoping it's smooth sailing from here on!
anita9
19 years ago
Isn't the wedding not even happening for over a year?? I hardly think that any normal person would plan their vacations around being easily accessible to someone whose wedding they were going to be in a year from now! She should have been in communication earlier because of the deadline, but it happens, people forget. She's probably wondering why the dresses have to be ordered so early, anyway.
froggy05
Original Author
19 years ago
The dresses had to be ordered early becasue they chose a color and style that is this spring's special...it wasn't my doing. And yes it is a bit suspicious, but iltimately things worked out...oh and BTW, it doesn't matterhow far away the wedding is, its all about communication...
Don't make it sound like that just because my wedding is far away I am doing things out of the "acceptable" time range, I've said it many times and i will say it again, I AM MOVING OUT OF STATE IN TWO!!! MONTHS, that is why the wedding plans and dress orders are now.
Besides by the time the dresses come in and everyone gets them it would be right on the time they'd need to have them anyway...so esentially its a good thing I ordered them so far in advance.
scarlett2001
19 years ago
"All's well that ends well" and best wishes for a very lovely wedding and a long and happy marriage, Froggy!
anita9
19 years ago
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! I DON'T think you did anything wrong. I just was pointing out that people don't always keep other people's weddings at the top of their minds and she probably shouldn't be thought of as "inconsiderate in the extreme" or "totally irresponsible" for being unreachable for a week or two.

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