Is going to the bachelorette party a requirement of being a BM for this bride? Generally it isn't, but some brides become overly controling of such things. Tell her you won't be going to Vegas, but that you hope she and the others have lots of fun. If she seems to want you to step down, then you can. But I dont' think it will come to that. Sounds to me like the MOH may have more riding on the bachelorette party than the bride has.

Don't put too much emphasis on the idea that your DH is uncomfortable with it. You are uncomfortable with it. People in general will support your refusal due to your feelings much better than the notion of your refusal due to your DHs. Depending upon lots of circumstances, that will come across as controlling and not healthy.

"I don't have a CLUE how to get out of this...."

Umm......and how old are you?

Years ago I was invited to a number of "bachelor parties" sorta maybe along the lines you're fearful of. If I knew what was happening and wasn't comfortable with it, I refused. If it seemed OK but turned out to be something else, I left when things turned seedy.

Be yourself. You can turn it off in the beginning or anywhere along the way. Friendship doesn't cover this ground. You need to know who you are. Whether others respect your boundaries or not is up to them. You're the one who defines who you are and what your limits are. Everybody else can go fish.

Tell her you can't afford it? Money is pretty hard to argue with, which makes it useful.

Or, tell her that it doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy enough to spend that sort of money on. It's just not to your taste.

And if you have to, then use the bride's comments against her--tell her that YOU value her friendship because SHE doesn't judge YOU. That she lets you be yourself, and "yourself" isn't comfortable with spending that much money for a trip that will involve things you won't enjoy very much and might even feel uncomfortable about.

It's completely unfair for anybody to pressure you into going on a trip, especially an out-of-town one.

I hear you. I've been in similar situations. Although I completely agree that you don't have to go, if you're sure you don't want to, I know what you mean about it being hard to decline without fearing it will make you look stuck-up or judgmental.

I'm not sure you can completely make it fine, but you can make it good enough, if you know what I mean.

I agree: don't blame it on your husband. At most you can say, "Cuthbert and I have never been to Las Vegas, and we promised to go together the first time," although she might take that as sort of petty (if she even believes it!). I like Talley_sue's idea about money. That's the easiest way in and out of it, unless you think they will offer to treat you. But then you could just say you'd be uncomfortable with that.

I think the key is to get past your decision not to come and on to "But you guys have a GREAT time!" as quickly as possible.

If you have a suspicion that they are going to feel like you are being stuck-up or judgmental, consider sending flowers or a bottle of champagne to their suite as a surprise. Then you are definitely not being a killjoy.

From the Book of Assertive Rights:

#1. You have the right to say NO.
#2. You have the right to be the judge of your own behavior, assuming your behavior does not take away the rights of another.

Bridesmaids spend a bundle these days for the privilege of being in a wedding. (gown, shoes, jewelry, hairdo, makeup artist, shower, gifts, parties and bachelorette party) This is one expensive bachelorette party with hotel rooms, transportation, and lots of meals out. I would not spend money like that for something I do not want to do. Tally Sue gives excellent advice. Take it.

Qtebaby, perhaps you could come back and acknowledge the answers you've been given and give us an update?

FWIW, I'm not one for making up excuses - tell the truth. If she doesn't accept it, apparently you 2 aren't that close, after all.