LOL! Well, Melvalena, I hope you won't be disappointed. This was from the decorating forum, not the wedding forum, so with apologies to the others for the off-topic post, here is your answer. **** Origin of the term: When we bought our house, it had a big, beautiful living room right in the center of the house, a lovely little study in the front, an enormous family room in the back, and no dining room (the previous 2 owners didn't cook). We use a dining room a lot, often for big groups, and although we used our living room in our old house, we realized that we mostly used the small space in the middle. So we turned the living room into a dining room, and the little front study into a ... what to call it? It serves the function of a living room, but it's too small (about 11 x 12) to call it that, and I just couldn't get myself to say "parlor." My daughter (then 11) named it the "schmooze room," because, she said, "That's where the adults will go to schmooze after dinner." ("Schmooze" is Yiddish for "chat.") When, years ago, I asked the decorating forum for advice on decorating it, the term kind of caught on, and a few other posters now have schmooze rooms, too, and developed a sort of philosophy about it. It seems a lot of people (who are lucky enough to have the space for it) like having a lovely and/or goofy little retreat of a room that doesn't have to be so practical. The (tongue in cheek) guidelines are these: - No computer, TV, or most other electronic items (opinion is divided on radio/stereo, with some people saying it depends on the type of music). This is a room for conversation, reading, and long, schmoozy phone calls (IF you bring a cordless in from another room -- no phone plugged in there). - No leaving anything here. This room always looks nice, even if everyplace gets cluttered. - Try to make any snacks or beverages you bring in special, or at least in a decent dish. No bags of chips. - As this room isn't a heavy use room like a kitchen or bath, it's a good place to be a little impractical, idiosyncratic, and whimsical (like fringe near the ceiling) in your decorating. E.g., this is the place to choose fabrics because the color or texture thrills you, not because they will be durable or not show grease stains (see previous guideline), and bold colors that you adore but that you might be afraid you'd get sick of if they were in the kitchen. - Preferably located out of earshot of TV and children. Children welcome, but for non-messy, grown-up behavior only (no running, fighting, or art projects). Pet rules depend upon how well your pet obeys rules! Lots of people (especially Monablair) on the decorating forum helped, and I feel their presence whenever I am in there. Here are a few pictures of our schmooze room (the artwork is different now, and the colors aren't QUITE as vivid as they appear in the photos).

My vote would be, make the invitation for the dinner ONLY. (after all the rehearsal isn't a social event that you invite the wedding party to) Then handwrite on the wedding party's rehearsal-dinner invitations, "see you at the church for rehearsal at 5:30" or whatever. Or, make your arrangements with them via e-mail or phone (as I said, the rehearsal is not a social event w/ invitations; it's more "work" or "obligation"; it just gets a "notification," not an "invitation")

Sweeby, I hate "dressy casual"! To me, that translates to, "Casual, but we don't trust you not to show up in ripped jeans and a filthy T-shirt." sweet pea says that that is indeed what some people do. Well, maybe so -- but (especially given that those people probably would dress that way no matter WHAT you put on the invitation) I wouldn't insult the other guests by indicating that assumption. Personally, I don't think I'd write anything other than "black tie," "dressy," or "casual," on an invitation, and and I really hate "original" things like "festive casual" or "celebratory attire" -- they are just plain confusing, and they sound like the hosts are trying too hard. We recently went to a wedding the invitation to which said, "No neckties!" I know the couple wanted it casual, and they probably thought the wording was cute, but I felt that was just plain bossy and controlling. Some of the older male guests (including the groom's father) feel very uncomfortable NOT wearing a tie to even a casual event (not a picnic or softball game, but you know what I mean). They could just have written "casual" and everyone would have dressed appropriately, and if some men wore ties, so what? Beats antagonizing your guests before the wedding even starts. You can dress your bridal party to match (and, ironically, they DIDN'T), but not your guests! In fact, I am more and more not writing anything at all. The style of the invitation and the time, type, and location of the event really give anyone who cares all the information they need. Suppose you got an invitation with paper and font that are pretty but dignified, a (readable) script font, and fairly formal wording: Please join us for Rehearsal dinner Saturday, June 31 7:30 pm La Palma Ristorante / at our home 123 Main Street AnyTown Muriel and Waldo Quilter RSVP: (000) 555-1212 or this one, on day-glo paper with a border of balloons and a goofy font: WOW!!! With just 24 hours to go, let's pull out all the stops and have a bash in honor of Petunia and Cuthbert! Clambake -n- kegger Saturday, June 31 Party Beach 7:30 p.m.-??? Wouldn't you know how to dress for each of these parties, without being given a dress code? For your party, quilter, I would either write nothing regarding dress, or, if you feel that it is still ambiguous (like if it's at a home), then I would write "casual." If the invitation is anything but ultra-casual, people will know to dress decently. No one is going to wear dressy party clothes. If someone wears nice jeans and a nice top, and someone else is in a suit, it isn't a disaster -- after all, you might very well see both at a good restaurant. The guests don't have to match each other exactly, and you don't want to risk casting a pall on your party by appearing overly controlling of the guests' clothes.

Intrestingly, I was reading the big Emily Post's Etiquette (15th edition, which is a few years old now; she's up to the 17th), and it said: "All the members of the bridal party (with the exception of ver young flower girls, pages, or ring bearers), the immediate famliies of the bride and groom, and out-of-town relatives who have arrived for the wedding are invited." Not "sometimes invited"; "are invited." In my two areas (small-town midwest, and big-city NYC), that doesn't happen. She goes on: "if facilities and finances permit, a few very close friends are often included, especially whose who come from a distance." (but then, they'd be "out of town guests," no? I sense some inconsistency) "If the clergyman is a prsonal friend, or comes from out of town, he and his wife should also be invited. "Husbands, wives, fiances, and live-in companions of the attendants go to the rehearsal dinner, but "dates" ar enot included." There are seating diagrams, etc--she treats it much like a big wedding. And though she says 'music and dancing are not at all essential.." she also says "Other[s] [rehearsal dinners] are far more elaborate. A strolling violinist or accordionist may play romantic background music, or there may be a full orchestra and after-dinner dancing." That seems way overboard to me! and, int he section on menu: "when the wedding is large and formal, the style of the rehearsal dinner is too, and the meal compares to that of any formal dinner. However such an elaborate and expensive menu is in no way necessary. If the wedding is informal and nontraditional, the menu should be also." I really disagree w/ the implication that the rehearsal dinner *should* be formal if the wedding is. A contrast in tone is kind of nice. And all this sort of implies a fanciness and a scale that I think is too likely to compete w/ the rehearsal dinner. But I think for our OP, the fact that the hostess is worried about it being too big and too expensive, that recruiting someone else to organize outings, etc., is a better idea.