Who gets invited to rehearsal dinner

21 years ago

Right now it looks like there will be at least 40 for the rehearsal dinner that we host at a restaurant. There are 6 groomsmen and bridesmaids plus their dates/spouses. Ours/and their out of town relatives. The drive to the wedding (for our friends) will only be 2 1/2 hours. I'm wondering if we are suppose to ask everyone driving in for the wedding to the rehearsal dinner??? It's definitely not a money thing, I just feel like it is a family thing with those who will be at the rehearsal. Is that correct or am I wrong not wanting to ask friends driving over for the wedding. I don't want to feel guilty after it all done and over.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (4)

colleenoz
21 years ago
Well, really, as the hosts, you can invite or not invite whoever you please. I know in some communities there is an underlying assumption that all out of town guests should be invited to the rehearsal dinner, but I've never been able to understand that. Personally, as a non-related out of town guest, as much as I cared for the happy couple I would not feel the need to spend every possible moment of my visit to their town with them. After all, I assume they're adults you've invited, so presumably they have travelled and can find a restaurant in a strange town (or ask you for recommendations).
I don't think that an invitation to the rehearsal dinner should be regarded as a required payback for the "trouble" of travelling to the wedding venue. If travelling was that big a problem, the guests could decline with thanks and grace.
Just my opinion.
gellchom
21 years ago
In our community, all the out of town guests are invited to all the events of the weekend, including the rehearsal dinner (or whatever there is the evening before). But although 2 1/2 hours is a long drive, I wouldn't say that makes all your guests out of town visitors. The point of including the out of towners is to provide for the feeding and entertainment of people who have gone to the trouble and expense to come a long distance to your event, rather than leaving them sitting in hotel rooms while you are at a party to which they are not invited. This is not so important for people who have family and friends of their own in your town, but it is a nice thing to do for others. Anyway, if I understand you correctly, you are talking about people who are not going to have to travel overnight, just those who have a long drive to the wedding, right? In that case, I certainly don't think you need to invite them to the rehearsal dinner, even if your community's custom for out-of-towners is like mine.
Related Discussions
Help me with Thing One's rehearsal dinner
Q
Comments (14)
In years past I have had quite a few big out door parties. My back yard alone is about 1/2 an acre....and ringed with bushes and trees and gardens. The best solution I found was something called "skeeter beater"...granular stuff you sprinkle around a few hours before the party. It worked fairly in combo with yard guard....but every flower it got on became discolored in a day or 2...some leaves too...spotted. New growth and flowers covered it up but.... If I were doing sometning like that now, I would start now being vigilant about any water. I would have a dunk in every birdbath and pool and ask my neighbors to do the same. And I would start soon with spraying every few days to reduce the population. I know...I hate to put that much poision into the air but.... Then the day of....I would do lots of Yard guard....fans aw far as I could string them. Not blowing from the shrubbery into the crowd but from the crowd to the shrubs. and I would have a table with every type of repellant I could think of. No citronella candles...gag! I don't know what your time frame is, but skeeters become most active at dusk, It won't be too bad before that time and once it gets good and dark they sort of go to sleep. So perhaps a second run around the perimeter of the yard about 7:00 would further knock them back. Good luck....sounds lovely! Linda C
...See More
wedding rehearsal dinner help
Q
Comments (15)
Thanks, Talley Sue, that's exactly what I meant. That's really interesting; I had no idea that professional (as in outside, not in terms of their professionalism) musicians were rare at church weddings. What happens when the wedding is held not at a church, but at a hotel or restaurant or some other "event space"? Please forgive my ignorance. I really am just curious, not criticizing. As we don't use an organ, we don't have an "in-house" musician to play processionals, so everyone hires someone to play while the guests are being seated and then for the processional and recessional. Often a violin and flute and/or piano, or guitar and flute. Once every never, a harp. That's why I really was surprised at the idea that the outside musicians (NOT volunteering friends and family) would even be at the rehearsal at all. Most musicians have a two-hour minimum charge, and I was surprised that people would pay that just to have them at a rehearsal -- the musicians don't need it. Also, I can imagine that if your rehearsal were on a Friday or Saturday night, they would not want to give up a potential full evening gig for a rehearsal.
...See More
To bring you up to date - rehearsal dinner
Q
Comments (14)
LOL! Well, Melvalena, I hope you won't be disappointed. This was from the decorating forum, not the wedding forum, so with apologies to the others for the off-topic post, here is your answer. **** Origin of the term: When we bought our house, it had a big, beautiful living room right in the center of the house, a lovely little study in the front, an enormous family room in the back, and no dining room (the previous 2 owners didn't cook). We use a dining room a lot, often for big groups, and although we used our living room in our old house, we realized that we mostly used the small space in the middle. So we turned the living room into a dining room, and the little front study into a ... what to call it? It serves the function of a living room, but it's too small (about 11 x 12) to call it that, and I just couldn't get myself to say "parlor." My daughter (then 11) named it the "schmooze room," because, she said, "That's where the adults will go to schmooze after dinner." ("Schmooze" is Yiddish for "chat.") When, years ago, I asked the decorating forum for advice on decorating it, the term kind of caught on, and a few other posters now have schmooze rooms, too, and developed a sort of philosophy about it. It seems a lot of people (who are lucky enough to have the space for it) like having a lovely and/or goofy little retreat of a room that doesn't have to be so practical. The (tongue in cheek) guidelines are these: - No computer, TV, or most other electronic items (opinion is divided on radio/stereo, with some people saying it depends on the type of music). This is a room for conversation, reading, and long, schmoozy phone calls (IF you bring a cordless in from another room -- no phone plugged in there). - No leaving anything here. This room always looks nice, even if everyplace gets cluttered. - Try to make any snacks or beverages you bring in special, or at least in a decent dish. No bags of chips. - As this room isn't a heavy use room like a kitchen or bath, it's a good place to be a little impractical, idiosyncratic, and whimsical (like fringe near the ceiling) in your decorating. E.g., this is the place to choose fabrics because the color or texture thrills you, not because they will be durable or not show grease stains (see previous guideline), and bold colors that you adore but that you might be afraid you'd get sick of if they were in the kitchen. - Preferably located out of earshot of TV and children. Children welcome, but for non-messy, grown-up behavior only (no running, fighting, or art projects). Pet rules depend upon how well your pet obeys rules! Lots of people (especially Monablair) on the decorating forum helped, and I feel their presence whenever I am in there. Here are a few pictures of our schmooze room (the artwork is different now, and the colors aren't QUITE as vivid as they appear in the photos).
...See More
Rehearsal Dinner
Q
Comments (15)
Around here, the wedding party (and spouses, and often whole families) and all the out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and any other "auxilliary" events). If a lot of the out-of-town guests are relatives, they and the in-town relatives are going to want to be together, so people invite the in-town relatives, too (I guess if that is a zillion people, you could limit to close relatives). In fact, in our community, the whole point isn't so much a "rehearsal" as a less fancy, fun way to entertain the out-of-towners, usually hosted by the groom's family, to allow them a chance to be the hosts. It's usually really fun -- lots of toasts and funny stories (that would really bog a wedding reception down if they went on too long) and getting to know each other. It's nice to invite the officiant, but you don't have to. I am a clergy wife, and I can tell you that we are pleased to be invited and not offended if we aren't -- the opposite of the wedding and reception itself, by the way, to which you really should invite the officiant and spouse, especially if it is the clergy from your congregation as opposed to, say, a JP you hire for the day and didn't even know. Don't worry -- at least in our case, we don't attend anywhere near every rehearsal dinner or reception to which we are invited; just the ones where we feel close to the family and think we probably would have been invited "anyway." You don't need to invite your caterer, photographer, or other vendors, although of course you can if you want. I guess the difference is that the officiant is sort of a member of the wedding party.
...See More
talley_sue_nyc
21 years ago
I like the "closest circle" idea--the folks who ALREADY have to come to the rehearsal (wedding-party members), and the IMMEDIATE familiy of bride and groom (parents, sisters, brothers).

It's nice, of course, to have others who would otherwise be sitting in hotel rooms, but that robs the wedding party (presumably the B&G's most intimate circle) of the intimate party.

It's not rude to not invite people to a party, even if they know about it, and even if they don't have specific plans.

(And, I kind of like having that time w/ aunts, uncles, cousins, instead of 'making nice' w/ the bride's girlfriends whom I don't know)

My cousin invited us to join them for drinks AFTER the rehearsal dinner--it was nice. But totally not necessary, and actually a bit more fuss than was necessary. The BEST part of that evening was us cousins and aunts and uncles going out to dinner with EACH OTHER.

For our wedding, we invited EVERYBODY from out of town, but then, everybody who attended WAS from way out of town, and it made for a nice "getting to know everyone" barbecue. Since we could mill around, and chat in the twilight, it was nice.

I don't think it would have been as fun and enriching if we'd all been trapped at long restaurant tables.

I say, keep it small. If you WANT to extend it to out-of-town guests, only include people who would otherwise be in their hotel rooms.

If you want to skip them, you could ask the "coolest" of the aunts to host an alternate event that evening, time for the other folks to spend together.
cali4dawn
21 years ago
In my mind, you invite the wedding participants (no dates), any parents of under the age of 16 wedding party participants, grandparents, parents and siblings. That's it.

I once went to rehearsal dinner where almost the whole wedding guest list was there... what was the point of now having the wedding... they could have just signed the documents then and gone home. (wink)

Who gets invited to rehearsal dinner

Comments (4)

colleenoz

gellchom

Related Discussions

talley_sue_nyc

cali4dawn

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US