I'm with ya, JNM. I said before that we are REAL people with REAL problems and REAL feelings that are communicated in REAL language. We should respect other people's feelings, but this is not a government agency. We don't have to be politically correct.

For people who thrive on pointless, rude retorts, I found another forum they might like...it's freeadvice.com. Click on the custody/visitation area. It's moderated by some family attorney(s), I think, and they are a vicious bunch. Be forwrarned, if you go there and post, be prepared to get your head ripped off. Personally, I found them to be unneccesarily rude and sarcastic. But for folks who like that kind of banter, it might be a good place. Check it out.

Me...I'll stay here.

Good point, JNM... it never hurts to have these periodic reminders of that fact... every so often one of us should remember to reiterate it. Because it's true: situations can be so different, and some are a lot more extreme than others, and therefore harder to deal with. (And some are a lot more blurry, and in some ways harder to deal with because of it.)

The extreme circumstances of Ima's childhood pretty much establish that her mother was a bitter woman (or, to better phrase it, behaved in a bitter unhealthy manner). So yes, bitter BM's exist. KKNY's exH's GF really does sound like a shallow goldigger, and gold-diggers do exist. Whereas Ceph (to take one example), who also happens to be a young woman, sounds like a very giving, nurturing caring stepmother. So that exists too. Finedreams may very well be dealing with an adult SD who truly does have attachment issues with her dad beyond the normal... and that exists. I am an adult SD, and consider my experiences with my stepmother to be indicative of her possessiveness... so the wedge-driving step-parent exists too. Some stepkids really are spoiled rotten little brats (or, to better phrase it, behave in a spoiled, bratty manner), some are Cinderellas. These are just a few examples, and if I'm leaving out anyone it's only to keep this brief...

EOW or a-few-weeks-a-year visitation is a very different experience than full custody or even 50/50. There are specific struggles in each, and there are ways each scenario is easier than the others. A step-parent with no kids of their own has a different experience than one with kids. A new baby in the marriage adds its own dimensions and is a big deal. Only children in stepfamilies have a different experience than the Brady Bunch. Significant age differences in the new spouses has an effect. Socio-economic factors play into everything. Cultural, religious and personality differences, too.

In some ways, I guess, we are all comparing apples to oranges to pecans to bread...